Deathtrap
by Wolfgang Yharnum
Summary: He's insane. He's immortal. He's a pervert. He is: DEATHTRAP, a cool, unpredictably bat shit crazy guy who'll make your head spin, why he just joined up with Fairy Tail? Earthland will never know... Rated M for Lemons in future, Language, Blood, Missing limbs and organs from Deathtrap, "That's me!" did I forget to mention he breaks the fourth wall? OCx? "I should have a harem!"
1. They Call Me Deathtrap

Chapter 1:

They call me Deathtrap

"Talk" _'Think' "Voices in my head"_ _ **"Spells"**_

 **Hargeon Port:**

On a random bench in Hargeon sat a teenager, around six foot tall, roughly seventeen or so with spiky white hair and a red eye, what was odd about him was his attire, consisting of a black and yellow accented form fitting suit that looked like hardened magma, along with a pair of matching combat boots, over his left eye was a black eye patch, on his back were two straight short katanas made of obsidian, no hand guards with hand fitting grips, the blades were exposed because they were inside a small cross sheath. On his thighs were Uzis that could be easily drawn and holstered, going across the bottom of his back was a small pump action shotgun without a stock attached to a hardened magma belt that had multiple compartments, out of one of these compartments he pulled a cherry lollipop, he unwrapped it before sticking it in his mouth and getting up.

He wandered around before seeing a crowd of girls near-by, "The fuck is going on?" he asked no one, his voice slightly deep but with an odd twist of…. insanity, he wandered over and stuck his head in, spotting a pink haired kid with a blue cat talking to some other guy with a weird haircut and a cape, _'Isn't that my contract I'm bringing in alive?'_ he thought to himself, pushing his way through the crowd of love-struck girls. "Hey Bora, how's it going? You're coming with me." he smiled insanely at Bora, who was being called "Salamander" by the girls, "What? I'm not this Bora you speak of young man, I am the great Salamander." Bora proclaimed, striking a dumb pose, "And if you think you can take me, you're welcome to try." Bora said smugly, "Rather stupid thing to say to someone like me." the still unidentified white haired teen said calmly. "Oh, and who might you be exactly?" Bora asked, still smirking smugly, the pink haired boy was still on the ground, confused by the situation, the teen chuckled a little, "They call me Deathtrap." as soon as Bora heard the name he cowered in fear, "No, you couldn't be the famous mercenary Deathtrap!" Bora screamed in fear, the man now known as Deathtrap smiled wickedly, "Believe me or not you're coming with me friend." Deathtrap grabbed Bora by his throat, before he could do anything though the fan girls screamed and tackled him to the ground, beating the daylights out of him. "Ow, fuck, hey, stop, GAH!" Deathtrap spouted random curses as the girls beat on him, Bora fled on a _**Red Carpet**_ and invited the girls to his yacht party, causing them to stop their onslaught and gave Deathtrap a chance to crawl away, _"Those hypnotized bitches let our mark get away!"_ a higher pitched voice similar to his yelled in his head, "I know, shut up." Deathtrap growled, his injuries being a few bruises on his face that quickly healed back to his pale completion, "Hey, you alright?" a female voice asked, he looked up and found a blond girl ready to bust out of her top. _"HOT DAMN, LOOK AT THEM TITS MAN!"_ "Hold on, do I really have to be perverted?" Deathtrap asked, time seemed to have frozen-

"Hello?" What? "Am I really gonna be perverted?" Yes, now shut the fuck up and don't break the fourth wall again, "Fine."

Back to reality Deathtrap nodded and stood up, "Yes I'm fine." Deathtrap brushed her off as he walked away, "Wow, rude." she spat, turning around and talking to the pink haired kid.

Later at night Deathtrap was looking out at the ocean, focused on how to get to the yacht, "I could cause an eruption and fling it back…." he pondered until he saw a massive title wave carrying the ship to port, "Aw shit." *CRASH, BOOM*

Natsu faced off with Bora the Explorer, err, Bora the Prominence, that is until they both noticed Deathtrap impaled on a metal rod, "Augh, damn, poor guy." Natsu said, saddened by the sight up until Deathtrap moved and cursed like a sailor, "Holy fucking shit trays, alright, gotta get off this damn motherfucking pole." He grabbed the pole and started pulling himself up, "Ow, hoo hoo, wow, ugh, that tickles, damn, uuuuurggggghhh, there we go!" he grinned as he got off the pole that was stuck in the ground. The hole in Deathtrap's abdomen quickly closed as did the suit, "Much better, now, what's happening?" he scanned the scene before him, Natsu and Bora looked at him horrified, "How…. Why? That defies logic!" Lucy yelled from the sidelines, Happy agreed with a small "Aye" Deathtrap looked around a bit more before leaning on the pole he was stuck on. "Go on, finish your fight." he waved and crossed his arms, "Umm…" Bora was speechless, Natsu recovered quickly and lit his fist on fire, _**"Fire Dragon's Iron Fist!"**_ he sent Bora into the bell tower halfway across town, Deathtrap clapped rapidly and slapped Natsu on the shoulder, "Nice one Salmon Hair." Natsu stared at him wide eyed, "Of course it's salmon, what else would it be?" Deathtrap's ear twitched, as did Natsu's, he sniffed the air as Natsu dashed off and grabbed Lucy and Happy. "Which way to go… after them or towards the army? FUCK THAT SHIT, WAIT UP!" Deathtrap ran after the trio, faster than any person could physically go without magic, he caught up to them and slowed to their pace, "Where are we going?!" he yelled, catching their attention, "Fairy Tail!" Natsu yelled, laughing with Lucy as they ran down the road, Happy flying above them, Deathtrap shrugged and kept pace with them, sometimes running backwards to flip off the soldiers until they lost them, on their way to Magnolia…..

"Ohh, so this is Fairy Tail, I'll see what's inside, I have no idea why you would want me to join though…." Deathtrap trailed off, looking up at the building, "Just wait, you'll want to join." Natsu grinned and kicked the doors open, much to Deathtrap's delight, "I like your entran- Holy shit!" Deathtrap kicked a chair in half that was aimed for his head, "Find cover Lucy!" he shoved her behind a table, Natsu had joined the fight. "Holy crap, why is this happening?" Lucy asked herself, not expecting an answer, "This is normal." a voice said, to her right was a beautiful white haired blue eyed girl in a red dress, "Oh my god, it's Mirajane, in the flesh!" Lucy squealed in delight, shaking the girl's hands, "Yes, that's me, are you here to join?" Mirajane asked, smiling warmly, "Yes I am! It's so cool to meet you! Uhh, should we stop them?" Lucy questioned, peeking over at the situation. "No, the master should stop them soon." Mirajane told her, right then a massive man stomped down into the guild hall, "WILL YOU BRATS STOP IT?!" he bellowed, smashing Natsu with his foot before shrinking to a small orange wearing old man, "He's tiny!" Lucy exclaimed, coming out from behind cover with Mirajane, "There you are Master!" Mirajane said happily, "That's the master!?" Lucy shrieked, befuddled by the situation. "Ah, who do we have here, a new member?" the master wondered, looking at Lucy up and down, "Yes, I'm Lucy, I'd like to join your guild!" Lucy bowed, she felt something on her butt and saw the master's extended arm groping her butt, "You pervert!" she kicked him in the head, "Worth it…. Mira will get you your guild mark." he walked over and back flipped onto the railing above the bar, hitting his head before standing up. "Look at what you've done now! You kids blow all my money because of your recklessness, the council gets very angry with me!" Master yelled, shaking a bunch of papers in the air, "But I say to heck with those blowhards on the council! If we are held down by restrictions and rules then our magic will never grow, never prosper, that is why we do our best here and put fourth everything we've got, because that's what it means to be a Fairy Tail wizard!" he proclaimed, lighting the pages on fire for Natsu to consume, the guild cheered loudly.

Everyone quieted down at the rapid clapping above them, "Very inspiring Mr. Guild Master!" Deathtrap smiled stupidly from his position on the chandelier above them, still clapping he walked off the edge, falling to the ground, his feet hit the floor and his legs shattered, bone snapping sounds were heard as Deathtrap lay on his back, still clapping, his legs twisted and mangled under the suit. They all looked horrified at the scene before them, "Wait for it!" Natsu called, right then Deathtrap's legs repositioned and fixed themselves, he stopped clapping and jumped up onto his feet, "I'm liking this place already." he commented, the guild master approached the freakish man before them, "That was quite the spectacle my boy." he said calmly, raising a hand to him, "Makarov Dreyar, master of this guild." Makarov greeted, Deathtrap shook his hand. "I'm Zeke Hellvent, people like to call me Deathtrap though." Zeke grinned, Makarov rose a brow, "The famous mercenary that won't die?" "Yep, that'd be me." Zeke continued to grin as he looked around the guild hall, "Y'know, I thought of leaving as soon as Lucy over there made it here but, I think I might stay awhile." Zeke laughed, tossing around a grenade he pulled from nowhere, "Would you join the guild?" Makarov questioned, Zeke pondered for a moment. "Can I just stay for a while and then decide?" Zeke asked, the grenade nowhere to be found, "Sure, that's fine, I won't force you to join, please welcome Zeke Hellvent as a temporary guild member of Fairy Tail!" Makarov shouted, the guild cheered a little, "Don't forget Lucy!" he added, the guild cheered again, an explosion went off near an empty table, blowing it to smithereens, "Ohhhh, that's where my grenade went!" Zeke yelled, slapping his forehead. "Hey, that could've killed me you know!" a boxer wearing raven haired kid yelled, kicking away some debris, "If you want a fight I'm up for it!" he continued, the air around him getting cold, "Ok, can't promise your gonna come out unscathed." Zeke did multiple back flips out into the street, Gray followed him outside, "Get back here!"

Zeke faced off with Gray, only a few yards apart, the guild surrounding them, "You're going down Cyclops!" Gray taunted, Zeke sighed, hearing that insult thousands of times before, "Whatever Sapphire, on with it." Gray tilted his head, "Sapphire?" "Yeah, isn't that your stage name when you strip?" Zeke laughed at Gray's enraged face, "LAUGH THIS UP, _**ICE-MAKE LANCE!"**_ Gray slammed his fist into his palm and fired off lances at Zeke, he took the hits and slammed into the ground. "Have a snappy comment for that?" Zeke stood up, mostly unscathed, "Not really, unless that was a pointy dildo barrage." Zeke casually brushed himself off, "You asshole, _**Ice-Make Floor!"**_ the ground was turned to ice, "OOOHHH, are we ice skating?" Zeke asked, ice skating blades coming out from the bottom of his boots as he slid around, _**"Ice-Make Hammer!"**_ Gray dropped a massive hammer on Zeke, "Damn, that's a big-" He never finished that comment as the hammer crushed him, blood spattered all over the ice around the hammer as it burst into fog, what was left of Zeke was a blood splatter and his one foot that didn't get crushed, "Holy shit, I killed him…." Gray fell to his knees, "I thought he would block it at least…." "Fuckin' A, that hurt!" Zeke yelled, standing up, suit and everything, he coughed a little and cracked his shoulder, "HOW ARE YOU ALIVE?" Gray screamed, his face horrified by what just happened. "What? I've been blown to bits before and came back, don't freak out, it happens." Zeke waved him off, making sure his body worked before smiling insanely at him, "My turn buddy." Gray shook off his shock and readied himself for anything Zeke might throw, what he was not expecting was a live grenade, "Hot potato!" Zeke yelled, Gray threw it back, "I don't want it!" he shouted, Zeke caught it, "Aww, you're no-" *BOOOM* He didn't finish that sentence either when the grenade went off, blowing him to bits, the smoke stayed for awhile, then it was blown away by the wind, revealing Zeke who was missing his right leg, "Oi, Natsu, mind tossing me my leg?" Zeke pointed at the leg by Natsu's feet, "Yeah." Natsu picked it up and tossed it to him, Zeke stuck his leg on and it reattached itself, fixing the suit too, "What the hell did I just witness?" Gray gaped, his mind unable to comprehend what was happening. "That is the power of the immortal Deathtrap, one of the craziest sons of bitches on this great Earthland!" Zeke laughed madly, Gray was still confused, "But, no one is really immortal…" "Yes, you're right but, only I know how to kill me!" Zeke continued to laugh, "See how pointless it is to waste magic on me?" he kept laughing, "But your stamina is mortal." Gray smirked, thinking he had a winning card, nope, "Hahahaha, I've been hurt so much that pain is the thing I feel the least!" he laughed again, Gray decided to fight anyway, _**"Ice-Make Geyser!"**_ Gray slammed his hands on the ground, the ice tower launching Zeke into the air. "WEEEEEEEEEE!" Zeke cheered like a child as he flew in the air, he hit the ground with a sickening crack, his neck bent at an unhealthy angle, he was still talking though, "Damn, this ice is tough, time to melt it!" Zeke got up and snapped his neck into place and slammed his hand on the ground, _**"Magma Eruption!"**_ the ground shook before the ice melted and exploded, magma flew into the air, Gray hid behind his shield that wasn't even near the eruption, when it calmed down the area was bathed in lava, slowly hardening as Zeke stepped on it, his foot sinking into the molten material. "Not only have I been granted immortality, but I was trained to wield magma magic, ahem, let me rephrase that, _**Magma Dragon Slaying Magic."**_ Zeke grinned madly, his arms literally turning into magma as he sprayed it around, the guild was gaping at the fact he was a dragon slayer, "You're a dragon slayer!?" Natsu shouted, running across the hot rock, "Yes I am, I noticed you're the _**Fire Dragon Slayer.**_ Taught by a real dragon, no?" Zeke questioned, his arms returning to normal. "Yeah, you too huh, do you know where the dragons went?" Natsu asked, hopeful of finding his father, "No, I don't sadly." Zeke looked at the ground, "What was his name, mine was Igneel." Natsu said, "Hellvinard, the magma dragon." Zeke sighed, "Are you done fighting with Gray?" Makarov called from the sidelines, "Yeah, I am!" Zeke grinned, the magma around him returning into the ground and fixing the hole the same way it was, "Well, what are we waiting for? LET'S PARTY!" "YEAH!"

Hfiohdslbcvowehpfuwep9ifr80ehfpishvklhsdlviophsdipfhieio

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, this character's going to be so much fun, he's like Deadpool and Deathstroke combined, but with magic, tell me what you think!

I took down the Silver Jedi mostly because I personally didn't like the story, I don't know, I thought the Force was over kill combined with a fucking Iron Man suit.

See you next time with more Deathtrap!

Yep, see you later, can't wait to show off!

Me: Deathtrap, why are you breaking the fourth wall?

Deathtrap: Because I can, why not?

Me: Just don't do it in the middle of the story, it's hard enough to write without your bullshit!

Deathtrap: No promises, Hehehehe ahehehe!

Me: You little shit.


	2. There He Goes Again

Chapter 2:

There He Goes Again

"Talk" _'Think' "Voices in my head"_ _ **"Spells"**_

Everyone in Fairy Tail was either passed out in the guild hall or not present, our hero Zeke being one of the passed out ones, hanging from the chandelier by his foot, the details of how he ended up there are unknown, some guild members were starting to wake up, one of them being Loke, the guilds playboy, he rubbed his head and headed out the door, only to bust back through a minute later.

"GUYS, ERZA'S BACK!" Loke yelled, waking up the rest of the guild, they all panicked and ran around to clean up, waking up our hanging hero.

"Oi, how'd I end up here?" Zeke asked himself, _"I don't know, we were super fucked up man!"_ his voice said, "I know, I need to get off this thing." Zeke mumbled, reaching up and trying to free his foot, not noticing the hot, armor wearing redhead girl that walked in and was shouting at other guild members. Zeke finally decided to take his foot off with a shotgun round. "Here we go!" he laughed and pulled the shotgun on his belt, taking aim at his foot he pulled the trigger, the ten gauge round blowing his foot to smithereens and allowing him to fall to the floor, right in front of the redhead, his head hitting first and snapping his neck to another unhealthy angle.

" _SMOKIN HOT REDHEAD TWELVE O'CLOCK!"_ Zeke stood up and snapped his head back into place, grinning at the woman, "Zeke Hellvent, temporary member of Fairy Tail." Zeke bowed, then leaned on the giant horn next to her, "Erza Scarlett…." Erza trailed off, still shocked that he fixed his own broken neck and was still standing, "Erza, what a lovely name, you've got to have one of the best bodies ever, why hide those perfect curves under a suit of armor?" Zeke wondered, leaning closer to her, Erza blushed before punching him in the face, "Pervert!" He stood up, his jaw bent at an odd angle before he snapped it back in place. "Hey, that was a compliment!" Zeke defended, Erza didn't care, "Doesn't matter, it was still perverted flirting." Erza crossed her arms, "Mira didn't mind my flirting, right Mira?" Zeke called, Mira smiled at him, "Of course, you such a sweetie it over comes your perverseness, just don't try and grope me again." Mira warned, her aura turning dark, "That was drunk me, who is also the voice in my head, he's more perverted than me!" he yelled, causing everyone to sweatdrop. "Yeah, right." Lucy called, "Whatever, where are Natsu and Gray?" Erza asked, everyone pointed to a large impenetrable metal door, "Damn them, no one can get through that thing." Erza grumbled, punching a near-by table to bits, "No one you say?" Zeke smiled insanely, running over to the door, "How much C4 do you think this'll take to break through?" Zeke asked no one-

"Hey, I'm talking to you author!"

God damn it Zeke, shut the fuck up and let me continue.

"But how much C4 should I use?"

I don't care, use it all, I'll magically replenish your stock!

Back to the door, Zeke grinned and smacked about fifty C4 bricks onto the door, he ran a good thirty yards before hitting a button, the door blew up, hunks of metal hitting the ground everywhere, the smoke consuming the door way, that is until Zeke pulled out a leaf blower and blew the smoke away, "There we go, much better, and you said no one could get through." Zeke tossed the blower and walked into the room, tossing out a stunned Gray and Natsu. "There, your hot mistress wants you two." Zeke pointed at Erza, much to her annoyance, "I'm not some mistress!" Erza yelled, "Hey, if you like double penetration, more power to ya!" Zeke waved her off, Erza blushed a thousand shades of red, "Y-You pervert!" she _**ReQuipped**_ a sword and threw it at him, he just side stepped it, "Hey, that could have hurt someone else!" Zeke scolded, "It was meant to hurt you!" "Don't try Erza, pain is the least of his worries." Gray said, walking over to her. "What do you need me and Flame-Brain here for?" "Yeah what's up?" Natsu ignored Gray's insult, "I need your help, you are the strongest wizards here." Erza said, shocking most of the guild, "HHHUUUUUUUUUHHH, aw naw, she did not just say that!" Zeke said, waving his finger with a hand on his hip, everyone sweatdropped at his mood killing, "Wow, this could be Fairy Tail's strongest team!" Mira squealed, "Natsu, Gray, meet me at the train station tomorrow morning, alright?" Erza ordered, walking out of the guild. "Hey Lucy, Zeke!" Mira called, Lucy wandered over, Zeke did back flips onto the bar, "What do you need my lovely angle?" Zeke asked, a sexy smirk on his face as he leaned toward Mira, she giggled with a blush on her face, "You're so sweet, I want you two to go with them, Lucy can keep Natsu and Gray from killing each other and you can provide backup my crazy, handsome dragon." Mira flirted back to Zeke, scratching a finger under his chin, Zeke growled, "Oh, the sexy barmaid strikes back!" he grinned widely. "Now, go get some rest and pack your things, have fun!" Mira tossed him off the bar as Lucy got up, "Damn, she's feisty, I like it." Zeke growled, "Um, ewww!" Lucy stood back in disgust, slowly making her way out of the guild, "I'll be back soon!" Zeke did back flips out the guild, all the way to his hotel…..

 **Next Morning: Magnolia Station**

Zeke slowly crawled across the floor of the train station, his suit was the same pattern as the cobblestone beneath him, along with a mask he put on, his eye patch over the mask-

"You see boys and girls, my suit is something called Octocamo, it blends in with the environment around it, I have a mask that goes with this suit you see, it blends in very well, I am a master of stealth, the suit hides me from all forms of detection and my boots are soundless unless I'm running. Where are my guns and blades you ask? They're in my belt, I can put anything in the belt and store it there until I need it. My eye patch isn't an actual eye patch, I can see through it even though I'm missing my eye, I call it the Solid Eye, you see it is basically a combination of night vision, heat vision and an HUD, it tells me everything, including a mini map and where enemies are, it's very convenient! I usually have it off unless the situation calls for it, if you look closely you'll see the tiny red light."

Are you done?

"Yes."

Good, now stop breaking the FOURTH WALL!

Back to Zeke crawling on the ground, he came up on the bench Lucy was at, she was watching Natsu and Gray bicker in public, granting him less attention, he crawled under the bench and waited there, Erza eventually came along with her massive pile of stuff, _"If this chick can use_ _ **ReQuip**_ _then why the hell does she have all that shit?"_ his voice asked, _'I'm not sure, maybe because she doesn't have a storage belt? We should get her one.'_ Zeke responded, watching as Natsu challenged Erza to a fight when they get back. They then boarded the train, Lucy had seemingly forgotten about him coming along, Zeke sighed and let his camouflage fall, going back to its black color with yellowish magma cracks, he hopped on top of the train and went prone, blending in with the train roof, it started moving-

"Did I mention that my regenerative powers make me immune to motion sickness, even though I'm a dragon slayer?"

No you didn't.

"I thought so."

Shut up and stop breaking this wall for fuck's sake!

Back to Zeke, he crawled along the roof a ways before stopping and sitting up, he took off his mask as the suit faded back, he undid the Solid Eye's three strings before strapping it back onto his head, he pulled a black flat piece of cloth from his belt, tying it around his head, the headband had letter's on the front in a orange-yellow color that read "Deathtrap" he chuckled before laying back, using his hands as a pillow. "I like trains!" Zeke started singing a song about liking trains, all the way to Onibas Station…

Zeke had not realized he fell asleep until the train lurched forward again, he sat up, only for his face to hit the arch of the train station exit, his head snapped back and smashed through the train roof, Zeke shook his head a little, he surveyed what he could see from being upside down. Natsu was groaning from his seat, to Zeke he was upside down, Zeke watched as a guy in white with blue pants and a pineapple like hair cut walked up to Natsu, he kicked him in the face and started spouting about his guild Eisenwald, "You flies think you can stop Eisenwald? We'll kill you and gain our rights back!" he shouted, the train then stopped, giving Natsu an opening. _**"Fire Dragon's Iron Fist!"**_ the roof of the car exploded, catching Zeke with it, "YAAAAAA HOOOOOO!" Zeke screamed happily, he flew through the air, off to the side of the train and hit the ground, "Ouch, that one tingled." Zeke sat up, only to be hit by a magic mobile, his upper half was ripped off and landed next to the driver, his lower half getting caught on the bumper, Erza happened to be driving this vehicle, she stopped when Natsu flew off the train after it started moving again and he connected heads with Gray who was on the roof. "Natsu! Are you alright?!" Erza jumped off the car, not noticing the cleaved-in-half Zeke next to the seat, "Oi, can one of you get my legs unstuck!?" he yelled, catching their attention, the group ran over and saw the cleaved Zeke tugging on his ankle that was stuck in the bumper, Natsu went over and pulled the legs free, the rest of them gaped, excluding Happy, "Thanks Natsu." Zeke thanked him and walked down to his legs with his hands, laying down his broken half with the other. "There we go, all better." Zeke stood after his body had fixed itself, Gray had recovered first, "Ok, why are you here?" he questioned, "Same reason Lucy is, Mira asked me to come along." Zeke waved him off as he adjusted his gear, "Now, should we continue? Those Eisenwald bastards need a lesson in kicking defenseless dragons." his look darkened, smiling madly, "Uhh, yeah, we have to stop them from using death magic." Erza recovered, climbing onto the driver seat, "Whoa, let me handle that!" Zeke hopped onto the seat before she did, equipping the plug to a slot on his belt. "How is it supposed to work on your belt?" Erza asked, a little annoyed that he got in her way, "Watch and learn, you need to recover magic anyways." Zeke waved her off, Erza nodded, though reluctantly, and climbed in the back with the rest of the team, "Imma take a wild guess and say they're going to Oshibana!" Zeke yelled, a bluish energy spinning around the car, them and the car then just vanished from that spot.

The car landed with a thud right outside the Oshibana station, right behind the crowd, "TA DA!" Zeke laughed maniacally, everyone got out to see the town around them, Lucy still had to lug Natsu out, due to the fact that the car still moved a little, "How did you do that?" Erza demanded, "My belt has a teleport function, though it's going to take a while to recharge." Zeke explained, walking straight through the crowd. They all gaped at him, "Teleport? Is that possible?" Lucy asked, "Apparently, let's go, it seems Erigor has started already!" Erza ordered, running into the crowd, Gray following closely, Lucy, not so much, "Do I really have to lug Natsu around!?"

Erza and the others reached the area Erigor and his guild were in, they were all a little surprised to see them so early, "You flies are early." Erigor commented from his position on top of the train, Erza glared at him, "Erigor! What are you planning to do with Lullaby?" she shouted, Erigor laughed, "Why, only get our rights back! What do all train stations have?" Erigor flew over to the speaker system, "You guys are insane! You're just gonna kill people because you couldn't follow the rules?!" Lucy yelled, getting angry with the Eisenwald men. "Yeah, that pink shit's gonna pay for hitting me like that!" the pineapple haired guy yelled, pointing at Natsu, _**Shadow Knuckle!"**_ the pineapple haired guy shot shadow fists at Lucy, she had no time to react, that's when Natsu punched them away with a flaming fist, "I thought I recognized your voice." Natsu grinned at the shadow guy, "That was a dick move man." Zeke's voice came from the floor, his figure stood up, looking like the texture of the floor before it turned back into the cracked magma, he removed the mask and fixed his headgear. "You attacked her when she wasn't ready, not cool man, I'll let Natsu here pummel you into a fucking wall for that, as for the rest of ya…." Zeke smiled darkly at the men, unnerving most of them, "Hot potato!" Zeke pulled a grenade pin and tossed it into the crowd of them, they screamed and ran away, only for it to be a smoke grenade, "HAHAHAHAHA, YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN YOUR BITCH ASS FACES!" Zeke laughed madly, annoying most of the goons, "You bastard, you'll pay for that!" a few of them charged him with swords, they got within five feet before stopping dead, Zeke had drawn his swords from nowhere and was a few feet behind them, his blades swung outwards as if he slashed. The goons' swords fell into two pieces as they screamed in pain and hit the floor, unconscious, "Amateurs." Zeke sighed, sheathing his blades on his back, his Uzis also appeared on his hips, Erigor was slowly sneaking off, Erza noticed this as Zeke glared at the goons, "Natsu, Gray, go after Erigor, now!" she ordered, Natsu and Gray ran off with an "Aye!" leaving Zeke, Erza and Lucy, not to forget Happy, "Wow, he took them down in the blink of an eye!" Lucy yelled, baffled by the insane man's speed, "Yes, his ability to summon his blades from that belt is amazing." Erza commented.

"You two gonna sit around and let me fight or you gonna help?" Zeke asked, grinning genuinely at them, "Yes, _**ReQuip!"**_ Erza summoned two swords and charged the goons, some of whom thought it easier to fight a girl, "You're going down girly!" one yelled as several charged with their swords, Erza swung a few times and cut up them and their blades, "Nice, we might have to duel sometime." Zeke gave her a thumbs up, Lucy decided to help by summoning a giant crab spirit, "Whoa, I love crab!" Zeke drooled, "He's not to eat!" Lucy yelled, bopping him on the head, "Ow, ok fine." Zeke kicked a goon in the ribs, the crab cut up a bunch of them, calling Lucy "Baby" Erza was impressed, "I'm impressed, though, the way he calls you baby, it's weird." She sighed, Zeke laughed loudly, "HAHAHA, YEAH, THAT'S SUPER CREEPY!" "Hey, don't ignore us!" a goon yelled, cleaving Zeke's left arm off, "Oi, that tickled." he grinned madly at the shocked goon and kicked him in the gut, effectively knocking him out, "What the hell is this guy!?" one of the goons yelled, seeing Zeke reattach his arm, "They call me Deathtrap." Zeke smiled, watching them recoil in fear, "He's insane. He's immortal. He's a pervert. He is: DEATHTRAP!" one of the goons screamed, dropping his sword and landing on his ass. "That's right bitches, run like rabbits that got caught fucking!" Zeke cackled madly, he pulled his Uzis and started spraying into the crowd of them, they ran around for cover, most of them taking a few bullets, "THAT'S RIGHT, RUN YA LITTLE FUCKERS RUN!" Zeke was having a ball watching the goons run around and scream in pain, he then ran out of bullets in his magazines, *CLICK CLICK* "Damn, looks like Fun Time Gun Time is over." he stored the Uzis in his belt, the uninjured goons slowly came out of cover, only a handful were left, Erza broke her stupor and decided to attack the remaining ones, _**"ReQuip: Heaven's Wheel!"**_ she changed into the metal feather-like armor, a circle of swords around her, the swords started spinning, _**"Circle Sword!"**_ with Zeke his nose was leaking some blood as he watched Erza's large breasts bounce erotically with her attack. The goons were blown away, Erza landed and saw Zeke's lustful stare, "Wow, your tits are amazing….." he drooled a little, Erza blushed madly and threw a sword at him, it stuck in his chest and sent him tumbling, "You pervert!" she yelled, covering her breasts as she changed back into her armor, "Owww, don't be mean, I was admiring your beauty, don't you see that I'm just a lover of the female body? Yours is certainly one of the tightest and hottest ever!" Zeke pulled the sword from his chest as he got up, the wound closing rapidly. "I-I don't care, you're still a pervert!" Erza huffed and turned away, her blush increasing, "Awww, why are you so mean? I was giving you a compliment, though perverted as I may be I have never once seen a girl in full nude, surprising eh?" Zeke looked down, slightly depressed, "Whatever, you're still a dirty pervert!" Erza yelled, throwing another sword at him, he caught it and melted it into molten metal and drank it like water, "I just like girls…." he said, his tone not containing it's usually cheery and crazy sound, Zeke turned and walked off, Erza watched him leave. "Look at what you did! He may be insane and perverted but I can tell he has a heart of gold just like Natsu does!" Lucy scolded, Erza looked over to her, "Why are you defending him?" "Because just like Natsu, he was extremely friendly and helpful when I first met him, he may have been perverted but I saw past that, you should too." Lucy huffed and finished her speech, Erza stood there for a moment before getting back to the matter at hand, "I should warn the town about Erigor, I'll be back."

Zeke slowly walked down the halls of the train station, if nothing else he could find Erigor, _'Why is she so mean? I'm just trying to be nice…. Why do girls hate me Zeya?' "I don't hate you Zeke, you're such a sweetie."_ A different voice in his head said, upon closer inspection this voice was feminine, his head voice was now known as Zeya, _'Then why does Erza hate me?' "I DONNO, PROBS CAUSE SHE CAN'T SEE PAST YOUR PERVERT?"_ another voice spoke, this was a more male voice like before, _'Shut it Zed, all you are is a pervert.' "I'M RIGHT AREN'T I?"_ the new voice Zed asked, _"Yes you are, now go away."_ Zeke held his left eye under the eye patch as the voices put themselves back together. _"There, Zed was put back into me, now your head won't hurt so much." 'Thanks Zeya.'_ Zeke thanked his permanent head voice, he still had no idea where it came from, _'Zeya, why have I never had a voice in my head until after Hellvinard disappeared?' "I'll tell you later, go find your friends."_ Zeya faded out as Zeke started sprinting back to where he came from, following the scent of strawberries and vanilla….

Zeke came outside the building and found the others, they were trapped in a wind barrier, Natsu was trying to break through, only to be stopped by Lucy, "Let me try." Zeke ran towards the barrier and dove into it, it shredded him to pieces, his remaining part being his foot that landed behind them. "Is he actually dead….?" Lucy asked in horror, the area he jumped into was coated with blood, "Nah, I'm good." Zeke called, they turned around to find him completely fine, Erza stomped over to him, "Do you know what you just did…." she continued to scold and shout at him, Zeke tuned her out and was sniffling a little, "Make it stop…." He slowly pulled his shotgun and racked a round in before purposefully blowing his head off, his body hit the ground with a thud, Erza stared in horror, "Why did he just do that?!" she screamed, not looking at the gruesome sight, "I did it so you would stop scolding me like a child." Zeke answered, standing up perfectly fine, "Now, should we get out of this barrier?" he asked, grinning like he didn't just die twice in five minutes, "Uhh, yeah, Virgo?" Lucy turned to the spirit Zeke just now noticed. "Yes Princess." Virgo dug a hole to the outside, "You do know I could have teleported out right?" Zeke asked, they all stared at him, "WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING!?" they yelled, "Oi, I only had enough to teleport me alright?" he waved, jumping into the hole and walking down, "He's so insane it's annoying." Gray sighed, watching Natsu pick up the weird pineapple hair guy.

Once out of the wind barrier Gray, Erza, and Lucy couldn't find Natsu, Happy or Zeke, "Where'd they go?"

Natsu faced off with Erigor on the train tracks, his attacks weren't landing because of Erigor's wind magic, "Don't you see fly? My wind will always blow out your fire!" Erigor shouted, blasting him with another wind attack, _**"Fire Dragon's Roar!"**_ Natsu blasted him with a vortex of flames, _**"Storm Wall!"**_ Erigor barely managed to block it, _**"Storm Bringer!"**_ Erigor created a massive tornado, flinging Natsu off the bridge, "Natsu!" Happy shouted, not having the magic to fly, "Hahahaha, dumb fly!"

Natsu was slowly giving up, he then heard a familiar voice, "Come on, if I can manipulate magma than you can do it with fire!"

Erigor smirked proudly, up until the massive column of flames erupted from below, "HHHHHHHRRRRRRUUUUUAAAAAAAGHHH!" Natsu formed a hand with the flames and flung himself onto the bridge, another equally large hand of magma flung a familiar figure onto the bridge, "I told you." Zeke grinned, Natsu grinned back, "Another fly? You pests are-urrghhh!" Erigor was cut off by Zeke's foot in his gut, sending him into the track with a crash. "Keep talking smack and you'll get smacked." Zeke said, landing gracefully, "WHOA, that was cool!" Natsu cheered, "Eh, not really." He waved him off as a wind blade slashed through his abdomen, "Ouch, that one severed my spine." Zeke chuckled, his body fixing the damage, "WHY AREN'T YOU DEAD?!" Erigor screamed, baffled by the sight before him, "Ehh shut it, I take worse damage than that and still stand." Zeke smirked, his hands morphing into magma, "Ready Natsu?" Natsu nodded, igniting his fists. "Screw you! _**Storm Mail!"**_ Erigor wrapped himself in wind, prepared for attacks, "Jeez, is he dumb?" Zeke asked, the area around him heating up, "Natsu, you attack him, I'll focus on heating the area!" he ordered, Natsu went ahead and jumped Erigor, his attacks not working, _**"Storm Shreds!"**_ both Natsu and Zeke were forced to dodge, breaking his concentration, "Damn it all, _**Magma Dragon's…"**_ Zeke leaned back, a yellowish orange magic circle appearing in front of him, _**"Roar!"**_ he unleashed a stream of super heated magma from his mouth, Erigor tried blocking it but it blew away his wind armor and burned him severely. "AAAAARRRRHHHHGGG!" Erigor flew across the track, his skin badly burned, "You brat, my greatest spell should kill the both of you, _**Emera Barem!"**_ Erigor unleashed the massive wind spell, blowing both Zeke and Natsu back, when the dust settled Natsu was on the ground, his vest shredded, Zeke was nowhere to be found, Natsu stood and ripped off his vest, "You bastard, it hurts him when you destroy his body, _**Fire Dragon's Sword Horn!"**_ Natsu shot forward and slammed into Erigor, _**"Magma Dragon's Scorching Fist!"**_ Zeke's magma coated hand smashed into the back of Erigor's head, making him do flips before hitting the ground, out cold.

"Oh, you are alive." Natsu pointed out, tilting his head, "Yeah, I teleported out of there in time, good job." Zeke high fived him before turning his attention to the approaching vehicle, "Natsu, Zeke!" Erza shouted, getting off the car, "Hey Erza, we beat Erigor!" Natsu waved, "Yeah, double teamed the shit out of him." Zeke grinned, "Good, I'm proud of both of you, just don't run off like that ok?" Erza smiled, leaning on Lucy, Gray stood next to Natsu by Erigor's unconscious form, "You look like an idiot wearing a scarf without a shirt." Gray was also shirtless, "Hey, you've got no room to talk buddy! Lucy, give me your clothes!" Natsu shouted, "No way!" Lucy yelled, annoyed by his request. All of a sudden the magic car took off, covered in shadows as the shadow guy showed them the Lullaby flute, "Lullaby's all mine, shouldn't have let your guard down flies, AHAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed, rushing off, "Kage!" Erza yelled, "That jerk, we saved his life and this is how he repays us?!" Natsu shouted, running off after Kage with the others, Zeke blinked, "What the fuck just happened?" he asked himself as he sprinted after them with his incredible speed.

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Yay, chapter dos, did I forget to mention Deathtrap is also Solid Snake?

Deathtrap: Yes you did.

Me: Fuck you.

Deathtrap: Aw thanks.

Me: *SIGH* Go away.

See you next time with more Deathtrap!


	3. Virginia?

Chapter 3:

Virginia!?

"Talk" _'Think' "The voices in my head"_ _ **"Spells"**_

"Where the hell am I?" Yes friends, our hero Zeke Hellvent is lost, after running past his new friends he ran into the woods surrounding Clover and was then lost in the woods, at night, perfect horror scene, "Seriously where am I?" he was walking along-

"WHERE AM I AUTHOR?!"

God damn it, I don't fucking know, you're in the woods around Clover!

"Oh, do I have any teleport energy in my belt?"

No, you ran out last chapter, now SHUT UP!

Zeke was walking along when he picked up a scent, _'Strawberries and vanilla…'_ he bolted after the scent, running with his insane speed, "GOTTA GO FAST!" he yelled, bursting out of the forest… off a cliff, "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Gray threw his ice saucer, it spun through the Lullaby demon, he was prepping his next attack when he heard, "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" *SPLAT* "What the hell was that?" Gray turned around only to be met with Zeke's broken, bloody and mangled body, "OW GOD, MY SPLEEN!" Zeke yelled, his body fixing itself back together, the blood vaporized off his body with a burst of heat as he stood, "WOOO, that was fun- WHAT THE HELL? VIRGINIA?!" Zeke yelled as he saw the Lullaby demon, completely ignoring the gaping Gray, "No, Virginia is light brown." he shook his head, "WHAT THE FUCK?!" Gray screamed, "Oh, didn't see ya there Popsicle." Zeke slapped Gray on the shoulder and walked past him, "Imma go kill this Virginia impersonator, be right back!" he waved and jogged over to the demon's foot.

Erza slashed Lullaby multiple times, she landed and spotted a familiar figure running up to the demon, "Is that Zeke?" she asked, "OI, YOU BITCH, WHY YOU IMPERSONATING VIRGINIA?!" Zeke yelled up at the demon, it didn't seem to notice him, Erza sweat dropped at his behavior, "Damn tree demon, _**Come forth from the earth, burning all in thy's path….."**_ Zeke formed a ball of magma in his right hand, _**"Destroy my enemies with thou's wrath, form new earth in thy dragon's name…."**_ he slammed the ball of magma into the ground, _**"Magma Dragon's Vibrant Eruption!"**_ the earth below them rumbled before it cracked. The ground exploded upwards, a massive column of magma shooting from the earth, twice as wide as the demon itself, which was destroyed instantly with a massive scream, as the eruption died down, magma lay everywhere, slowly hardening in the night time air, "Holy cow, he just destroyed Lullaby with one attack!" Lucy yelled from her sideline position, "Is that one of yours Maki?" Bob asked Makarov, "Sort of, he's a temporary member…." Makarov explained as he watched Zeke walk up to him, "Hey Old Man, didn't expect to see you here!" he waved, sitting on the ground next to him, "I was here for a guild masters meeting." Makarov replied, watching the magma harden. "Hey Makarov, your "temporary member" and them did a great job but…." Makarov's eyes widened when the steam and smoke cleared, showing a massive magma filled crater and a missing meeting hall, "THEY OVER DID IT!" the guild masters yelled, getting angry at them, "You guys after someone? I can help." Zeke asked, turning around as the others joined them, "WE'RE AFTER YOU!" the guild masters started chasing them, "WAHAHAHAHAHA!" Zeke bolted off with his impressive speed, leaving them in the dust, Erza picked up the dazed Makarov and ran off with the others, the angry guild masters close behind, _'That crazy bastard's gonna make me go bankrupt…..'_

Zeke hung his suit on the bathroom door of his hotel room, his belt and swords on a rack with it, he was now wearing a pair of black sleep pants, nothing else, no headband or shirt, his upper body being highly muscular and flawless, he flopped onto the bed and laid there, up until there was a knock on his door, Zeke got up and swung it open, pointing an Uzi at whoever was there, he was met with a sword to his throat, "Oh, it's you, come in." Zeke let his arm fall and stepped to the side, Erza walked in, "I suppose you don't know why I'm here?" Erza asked, turning around and crossing her arms. "Not a damn clue!" Zeke grinned stupidly and tossed his gun over by his other stuff, "Well, I wanted to umm…." Erza noticed his state of dress, "Would you put a shirt on please?" she blushed a little and looked away, "Why, is it distracting?" Zeke leaned in close with a smirk, "N-No, it's indecent." Erza stated firmly, shoving him away, "Hard to get eh? Nice strategy, but, it won't keep me away." Zeke walked over to his suit and pulled a white t-shirt from his belt and pulled it on, "Happy?" "Yes." Erza sighed and sat on the bed, "Anyway, I came to apologize for yesterday, I had time to think and Lucy was right, you're more than a pervert but, you're still a pervert. I hurt your feelings and for that I am sorry, you may strike me." She stood up and bowed, waiting for the inevitable blow, "Okey dokey." Zeke walked up to Erza, walking around her, he swung his arm back and….. *SLAP* Erza jumped forward and turned around, holding her butt, "What the- why- you…." she was blushing tomato red and was lost for words, "Hey, you said I could hit you, you didn't specify where though!" Zeke grinned a shit-eating grin, Erza was boiling in rage, "Hey now, you said I could hit you…. Remember that!" Zeke backed away, his back hitting the wall, his hands up in surrender, "You…. You PERVERT!" Erza screamed, throwing a sword at him, it punctured his gut, "Ouuuuuhhhh, so worth it…." He doubled over a bit pulling the sword free, blood pouring out, "Ok, I guess slapping your perfect ass was a little overboard but, still worth it." Zeke chuckled and dropped the sword, his wound closing, "You're lucky that I didn't cut off anything else." Erza huffed, her anger subsiding a little, Zeke was watching her closely, noticing the drip of liquid run down her inner thigh, _'Wait a second…. No one sweats like that in air-conditioning…..'_ he walked closer to her, "No way…." Erza rose a brow at him, "W-What?" "You fucking liked that, didn't you!?" Zeke laughed loudly, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, HOLY SHIT, YOU LIKE GETTING HIT!" Erza blushed red again, all the way to her ears, "W-w-what? N-no, I-I don't like that!" she smacked him on the head, sending his face into the floor. "Yes you do, there's a nice wet spot right there…." Zeke looked up and pointed up her skirt, which he could see up at her black lace panties that had a darker spot, "YOU PERVERT, WHY DID I EVER APOLOGIZE TO YOU?!" Erza stomped on his arm and snapped his forearm, "Owie!" "GOODNIGHT!" Erza walked out and slammed the door, shaking the whole building, _"I think you went overboard…." 'Yeah, I guess I did huh? I should apologize, she was nice enough to come over and apologize and I went off the handle, stupid brain.'_ Zeke got up and grabbed his suit and belt, then jumped out the window that he opened…

Erza walked along the streets, the only light at night being the street lights, _'What a jackass, I took the time to go over and apologize just for him to be an ass? I can't believe that he's more than a pervert…'_ Erza stopped when she heard something behind her, "ERRRRRRRZZZZAAAAAAA!" Zeke blew past her and slammed into a pole, his body making not-so-nice cracking noises, "Ow, damn it." he peeled himself off the pole and stumbled over to her, his suit fixing itself with his ribcage, "Ok, look, I'm sorry, I can be an ass sometimes I know, I go overboard sometimes too but, I really don't mean too, I'm sorry, can you forgive me?" he dropped to his knees and hugged her waist. "How do I know you're sincere, you were being a total ass." Erza crossed her arms, shrugging him off, "I am, I'll prove it, I'll blow my head off again!" Zeke pulled a larger AA12 shotgun from his belt, stuck it in his mouth and blew his head off, "I'll drown myself!" he got up a minute later and dove off the street into the canal, bubbles came up for a few minutes before his lifeless body floated up, Erza watched dumbstruck as he relentlessly killed himself to apologize to her, "I'll fall off a cliff, or in this case a tall building!" Zeke teleported to the top of a tall building and swan dived off it, snapping his neck and spine, "How about I blow myself up!?" He pulled a pack of C4 and slapped it on his chest, hitting the button in his hand and blowing himself to kingdom come, "WHAT ABOUT RUNNING HEADFIRST INTO THAT POLE AGAIN!?" Zeke yelled from down the street, sprinting at his incredible speed headfirst into the same pole as before, caving his skull in, "OK OK, you can stop, I believe you, if you're willing to put yourself through that then I believe you." Erza kneeled next to him as his head reformed, "Really? YAY!" Zeke threw his arms around her shoulders, Erza held him, "Yes, now stop killing yourself, it's hard to watch… _I'm afraid he'll actually die….'_ He nodded and nuzzled her neck, "You smell nice…" he said, sniffing her hair, Erza blushed and pushed him away, "T-Thank you." she stood up and turned away, "I have a fight tomorrow with Natsu, I need some rest, goodnight." she started walking away, leaving Zeke to his thoughts, he started softly singing a song as he watched her leave…

"Derp, derpedy derp derp de derp…."

By the time Zeke had finished Erza was long gone, he stood up and slowly walked back to his hotel, "Hehehe…..heheh…. he…he…he...he... he." Zeke bolted back to his hotel and up the stairs to his room, switching from his suit to his sleep pants again in an instant, storing his Solid Eye in his belt, he jumped backwards onto his bed and switched the lamp out, punching himself in the head to knock himself out….

" _Zeke…. Zeke….."_ "Mehhh, I don't wanna get up!" Zeke opened his eyes, he saw only black, "What the fuck?" he scanned the area, "Oi, who was callin' for me?" he called, "Me silly." Zeke whirled around, only for his jaw to drop into the abyss, he was met with a beautiful girl, she had long white hair that flowed down to her waist, one red left eye, a closed right eye, and a figure women would die for, or in this case Zeke would, "Holy shit….." she was also nude, "Holy shit….." "What? Is there a problem?" she asked, tilting her head, "No, none at all…." he kept staring, blood leaked from his nostrils, "Oh I see." She flashed a bright light, the light died down and now she was in a suit similar to Zeke's, form fitting but it showed a lot of cleavage with the v-neck, "Damn, my suit looks better on you…." he kept staring, "Hey, Zeke, my eye is up here, turn the pervert off." she floated over and bopped him on the head, "What? Yeah, I'm here." Zeke looked up at her, "Good, I'm the voice in your head, Zeya, nice to meet you in person." Zeya said, smiling warmly, "Feeling's mutual…." Zeke's eye drifted to her impressive bust, "Zeke…." Zeya said dangerously, "Yes?" his eye snapped back to her. "Jeez you're hard to work with, anyway, I'm the voice you've been hearing as of Zed's departure, I am the spirit that lives in your left eye." Zeya poked his closed eye, feeling the hardness behind it, "Spirit?" Zeke tilted his head, "Yes, I reside in your left eye, it's actually a lacrima, Hellvinard put it in you before he left, his last gift to you, it is the only way to unlock your ultimate power." she explained, tracing his features with a delicate finger, "Ultimate power?" Zeke questioned, "Yes, _**Dragon Force.**_ It is a dragon slayer's ultimate form, only ones who have killed a dragon, or in your case have a dragon lacrima and were trained by a dragon can access it at will, yours is special though. In most cases dragon slayers like you can never reach their full potential, you're different, you learned everything Hellvinard could teach you and gained his lacrima, if you would have slain him the lacrima's powers would decrease by more than half." She explained, running her hand along his shoulders and collar bone, "Why would I kill him?" Zeke asked, liking the attention she was giving him, "Some dragon slayers acquire this lacrima early and kill their dragon to become true dragon slayers, that is not true, a true dragon slayer has slain a dragon that is not the one that taught them, therefore gaining their dragon's more notoriety where other dragon slayers will challenge this dragon, it's an odd system." Zeya finished, both her hands now on his abs, "So, how do I use this _**Dragon Force?"**_ Zeke asked, a large tent slowly pitching itself in his pants. "Well, normal dragon slayers gain it through rage or eating highly condensed etherion of their element, dragon slayers who have killed their own dragon before gaining the lacrima can activate it on command, usually this happens due to the dragon becoming sick or weak. Dragon slayers like you who have the lacrima but never killed their dragon have to use it when necessary, like in the heat of battle and you're out of magic, sometimes it can activate through rage like a normal dragon slayer, though you can last longer and have more magic." Zeya explained, massaging the tent in Zeke's pants. "Alright, now can you explain why you look like me and are groping me?" he asked with a grunt, "Oh, I thought it would be good if we looked similar, as to why I'm groping you, you have a hot body." Zeya smirked, gripping the tent pitcher, "Ditto." Zeke smirked and reached for her breasts, "Nuh uh uhh!" she smacked his hands away, "Hey! No fair!" he pouted, crossing his arms, "You first." Zeya whispered, Zeke sucked in a quick breath when her hand went in his pants and gripped his "Tent Pitcher" she smirked, "With all that perverted knowledge in you I know exactly how to pleasure you, don't worry, if you do end up bending me over and taking what you want it won't affect your real virginity." She whispered, seductively licking his ear, Zeke growled, "Did you remember the part about how aggressive a dragon slayer can be?" he asked, grabbing her large breasts in his hands, they overflowed his grasp, Zeya gasped, "I forgot about that…. Too bad you're waking up!" she smiled and faded away, "DAMN YOU REALITY!"

Zeke woke up, he looked under the covers and sure enough, "Damn you reality…" slowly he reached under the covers-

Sorry to interrupt your program, I'm keeping it clean for now, it'd be weird describing him whacking his meat.

So, watch this quick "Penguin with a bazooka" video:

(Penguin shoots bazooka and rides the rocket to the moon)

Now back to your program:

Zeke walked out of his shower and looked at the time, it was eleven o'clock, "Oh shit, IMMA MISS DAT FIGHT!" he slipped into his suit, clipped his belt on, tied on his Solid Eye and head band, sheathed his swords and out the window he went…..

Zeke burst through the guild doors to find everyone sitting around, the atmosphere depressing, "What'd I miss?" he looked around for an answer, Lucy stood up, "Natsu and Erza were fighting when the magic council came and arrested her, she's long gone by now…." She sat back down and rested her head on her arms, Zeke stood in the doorway, he had a look on his face that said he was about to do something stupid, "Zeke…." Makarov called, no answer, "Zeke, what are you planning?" Makarov's hand stretched out and formed a fist ready to crush Zeke, "Zeke!" Makarov slammed his fist down when Zeke stepped backwards, Makarov lifted his hand to find nothing, "DAMNIT ZEKE!" by the time anyone reacted Zeke was already gone, "That idiot…"

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BAM, damn that slippery Deathtrap, running off like that…. wonder what's gonna happen next chapter?

And if you're wondering, he might just bang his twin spirit chick….. hehehehe

Damn right I will!

Me: Damn it all, I give up, break the damn fourth wall!

Deathtrap: YAAAA HOOOO! (Smashes fourth wall do dust)

Me: *SIGH* What monster have I created?

Deathtrap: I'm yours forever!

Me: Just go away…..


	4. Not One For A Silent Exit

Chapter 4:

Not One For A Silent Exit

"Talk" _'Think' "Voices in my head"_ _ **"Spells"**_

Erza sat against the wall in the jail cell, Natsu was across from her, Siegrain had just left and they were stuck there for three days now, a guard came and leaned on the wall next to their bars, just as he started whistling like a dumbass the wall next to him grew an arm and chopped him on the neck, effectively knocking him out, Erza and Natsu stood abruptly at the guard hitting the floor, the arm waved and a whole figure came off the wall and stood in front of them, it touched the bars and they melted, the figure's color and texture faded back to black with yellowish orange magma cracks. "Sup guys?" Zeke pulled his mask off, showing his Solid Eye under it with his headband, "Zeke? How did you…?" Erza stared dumbstruck at him, Natsu was just smiling, "I'll explain later, let's GTFO!" Zeke whisper yelled, motioning for them to follow him, Erza nodded and followed him, Natsu right behind, "Now, I'm good at silent infiltration but….. I'm not one for a silent exit." Zeke walked over to a dungeon wall that led outside and slapped a few bricks of C4 on it, "What about the guards?" Natsu asked, "Their all out cold." Zeke grinned and pushed them behind a wall, "Time for Fun Time Bomb Time!" *CLICK* *BOOM*

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Zeke laughed madly as he carried both Natsu and Erza under his arms, sprinting at top speed, he had on all his normal gear now, minus his Uzis, "THAT WAS AWESOME!" Zeke yelled, ahead of them were a division of Rune Knights, "Men, we have two escapees and one unidentified person who helped them, we need to catch them!" one of the Rune Knights yelled, Zeke was quickly approaching, the Knights readied a spell to catch them, "Fun Time…." Zeke got within range, "TELEPORT TIME!" he yelled and they vanished in a puff of blue energy as the spell activated, the Rune Knights looked around confused, "Where'd they go?"

Zeke's feet touched down out front Fairy Tail, he set Natsu and Erza down before catching his breath, "WOOO, that was fun!" he exclaimed, walking towards the doors and dropkicked them open, "HELLLLOOOOOOO I BROUGHT THEM BACK!" Zeke yelled, getting up off the floor, everyone was gaping at them, "How?" someone yelled, "I MADE THE WALL GO BOOM, THEN I OUTRAN THE RUNE KNIGHTS!" he yelled again, running up to the bar and flipping onto it, "How did you outrun Rune Knights?" Mira asked, "Meh, their slow, I'm fast." Zeke answered nonchalantly, "You do know breaking prisoners out of the council's jail is a crime….." Mira trailed off, "I know but, those cheapskates can't catch me and even if they did their petty fortifications can't hold me." Everyone's jaws hit the floor because of how Zeke was talking about the Magic Council like they're a bunch of pansies, "They're just a bunch of wrinkled pansies!" Zeke finished, laughing his ass off, he stopped when everyone started falling over, passed out, "What the? Oi, why you do this?" he shouted at the figure in the doorway, Makarov was the only other one awake, "Mystogan….." Makarov trailed off as the masked man pulled a flyer from the board, he noticed Zeke staring at him, "Whoa…. YOU'RE A NINJA!" he shouted, a star in his eye, Mystogan sighed and started back for the doors, counting down from five until he left, _'He can resist my spell, I should watch out for him….'_

"Uhhh, what happened?" Lucy got up off the floor, "Must have been Mystogan, he puts everyone to sleep when he takes a job, he doesn't want to show his face." Gray explained, rubbing his eyes, "Only one who has gotten a good look at him is Master." he finished, "Not true!" a voice called, everyone looked up to see a large blond man with a zigzag scar on his right eye, "Laxus!" someone yelled, "I've seen Mystogan, he's just shy, but me and the Old Man aren't the only ones, ain't that right Cyclops?" Laxus looked right at Zeke, as did everyone else, "Yeah, I didn't even feel his spell." Zeke confirmed, narrowing his eye at Laxus, "LAXUS!" Natsu yelled, hopping up from the floor. "Hmm? Natsu?" Laxus looked down at Natsu, "You and me, right now!" he shouted, "Hahahaha, if you beat the redhead over there then maybe I'll fight you!" Laxus laughed, "Grrrr….." Natsu growled in annoyance, "Oi, Zeke, go kick his ass, I know you can!" Natsu shouted at the magma slayer, "Hahahahahahahaha, you think that the stupid Cyclops can beat me?!" Laxus laughed loudly, holding his stomach, when he looked up he stumbled back a few feet, Zeke was crouched on the railing, "Oi…. Are you really that arrogant?" he asked, his eye narrowed at Laxus, "Humph, I'm the strongest in the guild there's no wa-" there was a popping sound and Laxus' eyes widened, his words dying in his throat, there was a bullet hole in the wall behind him, a small hunk of his blond hair falling to the floor, Zeke lowered the steaming barrel of his silenced, black M14 EBR to the ground, taking his right index finger off the trigger. "You'd be dead right now if I would have aimed to the left a bit." Zeke said coldly, "How…?" Laxus watched as the weapon was pushed into a compartment on Zeke's belt, "You cocky brat, I-I saw that, you missed is all." Laxus huffed and crossed his arms, "Yeah, right, *Cough* fucking pussy*Cough*." Zeke fake coughed, "You little motherfucker…." Laxus growled, lightning sparking off of him, "Number one…. Do not belittle, make fun of, or abuse a woman in my presence." Zeke started, the air growing hot and heavy with magic pressure, "Number two…. Don't boast like a cocky bitch when you can't even follow me pulling a big ass rifle out." Zeke growled, the air growing hotter, "And number three…." he vanished from his position on the railing, he reappeared with Laxus slammed against the wall, his left hand on Laxus' throat, "Do not EVER call me a motherfucker until I've fucked someone's mom." he finished with a growl, his hand hot enough to start burning Laxus' throat, Laxus was surprised, enraged and he may have shit himself a little, "Get off me!" he exploded with lightning, throwing Zeke off the second floor, Zeke landed with a crack on the bottom floor, his neck snapping and his body going lifeless.

"Ha, there's one weakling down, who's next!?" Laxus shouted, walking to the railing and jumping down, "You have severely underestimated your opponent Laxus." Erza stated, watching Laxus' face shift from a smirk to horror as Zeke stood and snapped his neck back into place, "Oi, I think I felt that one." Zeke chuckled darkly, the air growing hot and heavy again, "Laxus, you should stop now, you'll never kill him." Makarov advised, watching Zeke smile at his grandson, "What do you mean?" Laxus asked, not looking away from the magma slayer, "You've enraged the famous Deathtrap, the immortal mercenary." Makarov explained, "Oh, so you're the guy these other weaklings have been talking about?" Laxus smirked at Zeke. "They say you won't die, LET'S TEST THAT!" Laxus shouted, hitting Zeke with a lightning bolt, sending the slayer out the doors and into the street…..

Zeke stood up, his hair foreshadowing his eyes, he was hit with another lightning bolt, he flew before Laxus appeared behind him and punched his face into the ground, putting a crater in the street, "What happened to all that big talk earlier?!" Laxus shouted, relentlessly punching Zeke in the head, he picked Zeke up and tossed him in the air before flying above him and roundhouse kicked him into the street again, Zeke landed with a crash, "You talk tough but can't back it up!?" Laxus landed and threw multiple lightning attacks at the spot Zeke landed, "Never take your eyes off your foe." Laxus spun around and took an upwards heel kick to the jaw, "Always strike with precision." Zeke spin kicked Laxus in the gut, sending him flying down the street. "Never boast during battle." Zeke appeared behind Laxus while he was flying and power roundhouse kicked him away, sending him tumbling, "Make sure your opponent is defeated." Zeke appeared above Laxus as he got up, dropping his right heel into Laxus' head, slamming his face into the ground, "Even if you have won you should always watch your surroundings." Zeke finished his "lesson" and walked away, the guild had come outside, Makarov walked over to his grandson, Laxus was out cold, Zeke walked past him and back into the guild hall, "He's gonna need some ice on his head and some pain killers, I hit a bunch of pressure points." Zeke waved, his hands behind his head, everyone gaped at how easily Zeke defeated Laxus without even using magic. Zeke stopped walking near everyone, "I only won because I caught him off guard, if he were less arrogant I'd have my work cut out for me." he stated and went inside, everyone stopped gaping and went inside, a few going over and helping Laxus to the infirmary, "YOUUUUU HOOOOOO! BEAUTILFUL BARMAID, CAN I GET A DRINK PLEASE!?"

Zeke kicked open the guild doors the next day, fully decked out, excepting his Uzis, he may never equip those again, he walked right up to the bar, Makarov was peacefully drinking tea, Zeke watched Mira come rushing down the stairs, "Master, we have a problem! One of the s-class quests is missing!" she exclaimed, Makarov sipped some of his tea before spitting it out, "WHAT NOW!?" he yelled, jumping up to face Mira, "Who could have taken it?" Makarov wondered, Zeke watched the exchange, "I know." Laxus' voice called from above, "A little blue cat flew up here and ripped it off the board." he said, leaning back on his chair, he had a bandage around his forehead, "It was Happy?" Mira asked, "That's a serious breach of the rules, hey Gramps, stunt like that'll get you kicked out of the guild right?" Laxus called, looking down at Makarov, "Not like those morons will make it back alive anyway." he continued. "Laxus, if you knew then why didn't you stop them!?" Mira asked angrily, standing at his table, "Lighten up, all I saw was a blue cat with a piece of paper in its mouth trying to be sneaky, besides, Natsu isn't cleared for s-class, I never dreamed he'd break the rules." Mira glared at Lauxs, "Whoa, you haven't given me that look in a while." Laxus grinned, unfazed by the death glare, Makarov was standing on the bar, "This is bad, which one was it?" he called up to Mira, she continued to glare at Laxus as she answered, "The one to lift the curse on… Galuna Island." Makarov's eyes shot open. "What!?" Makarov walked out and looked up at Laxus, "Laxus, go an fetch them right now!" he ordered, "Yeah right, I got better things to do Gramps, besides, everyone in Fairy Tail can take care of themselves, right?" Laxus smirked, "I don't care how you feel about Natsu, you're the only one strong enough to bring him back by force!" Makarov yelled, Gray stood up behind him, "I'm gonna have to disagree with you there Gramps." Gray stated, Zeke watched with the utmost attention to the ordeal going on, _'Galuna Island…? Never been there but…'_ Zeke stopped his thoughts when Gray started leaving, "Oi, Old Man." Zeke walked over to Makarov, "Oh Zeke, what is it?" Makarov asked, "Mind if I go out there? You saw me beat up Lexus over there, why not let me go and help, if I can't stop Natsu then I can at least keep em' from dying until someone else gets to us." Zeke suggested, "Alright, I'll allow it, take this as proof of your temporary affiliation." Makarov handed him a slip of paper, Zeke slapped it on his right shoulder, and orange Fairy Tail emblem appearing on the black suit. "Go catch up with Gray, hurry Zeke, keep my children safe." Makarov said in a low voice, Zeke nodded with a knowing grin, "Don't sweat it." he bolted out the door, _'He's not even an actual member and he's already a part of the family….'_

Gray and Zeke walked off the train at Hargeon, Zeke gained odd looks because of his suit's pattern, "Can you wear something less conspicuous?" Gray asked, "Yes but no." Gray sighed at his friend's answer, "Moron." "Icicle Penis." "Melted Brain." "Richard Cranium." Gray looked confused, "What?" "It means Dickhead." Zeke smirked, "Oh shut it." Gray gave up, "Can you track Natsu and Happy from here?" he asked, Zeke sniffed the air, "Yeah, but they're not alone, it seems they dragged Lucy along as well." He concluded, following their scents to the docks, "The sea smell is disrupting their trails, it's guess work now." Zeke said, walking along the dock area, Gray close behind. They walked along for awhile, looking for the two guild mates, "So Zeke, if you're the magma dragon slayer, do you eat magma?" Gray asked suddenly, "Yes, anything molten I can eat, be it metal or stone, I can melt it with my body heat and eat it, unless it's my own magma then no." Zeke explained, his senses on high alert, "Hey Gray, go on ahead, I think we have a follower, act like we're splitting up." Zeke leaned over and whispered, Gray nodded before going a separate direction, Zeke turned and started walking around, _'If I'm right then they should follow me due to my magic signature.'_ Zeke thought to himself, he looked in his peripheral vision and spotted the cloaked figure in an alley, _'Three…. Two ….One…..'_ Zeke vanished with his teleport.

"Oh shit, he vanished!" a female voice panicked, the hooded figure turned around only to be slammed into the alley wall, a hand on her throat, "Oi, why are you following me?" Zeke asked, "Let go of me!" the girl kicked him in the gut, "Owie… that tickled." Zeke punched her in the stomach, knocking the air out of her lungs, the cloaked girl gulped for air, _'Oh no, I just kicked HIM!'_ once she got her breath back she didn't say anything, just stared into Zeke's unblinking eye, "Are you going to answer me or not?" Zeke reached for his right hand sword, "Wait!" the girl shrieked and flailed wildly, gripping his wrist, "Hmm?" Zeke's eye narrowed, "I-I'm sorry, I just uhhh…." she couldn't find her reasoning to follow him, "Well?" Zeke was running thin on patience and time, "I-I really admire you and want to learn from you!" the girl said suddenly, "Really now…." Zeke rose a brow, "Sincerely?" he leaned closely, taking a sniff. "Y-Yes, please don't kill me!" the girl said loudly, "Alright, but if you kick me again…." Zeke warned and dropped her, she landed on her knees and rubbed her throat, "What's your name girl?" Zeke crouched next to her, "H-Hailey." Hailey said, removing her hood, she was pretty, long black hair, dark green eyes, she looked only fifteen or so, "You look young, why are you out here?" he asked, lightly grasping her chin and looking her over, "W-well, ever since you came and saved my village from those cultist guys I've been looking for you, I-I wasn't strong enough to protect my parents so I want to learn from you, to be strong like you!" Hailey exclaimed, grabbing his hand, "How to be strong?" Zeke wondered. "Y-Yes." Hailey leaned closer, "Alright, you can learn from me, number one, watch everything I do unless you have your own fight, number two, call me Sensei and follow me, number three, listen to whatever I say." Zeke said, standing up and pulling her up with him, she was almost two feet shorter than him, "Hai Sensei!" Hailey said obediently, saluting him, "Good, now, I have to go save those dumbasses!" Zeke walked off, back towards the docks, "Wait for me Sensei!" Hailey yelled, running after him.

"Damn it all." Zeke sighed, he had found the dock that people saw Natsu leave from and he zoomed in on the ocean, "Something wrong Sensei?" Hailey asked, "Yes, that moron knocked Gray out and took off with him." Zeke sighed again and turned the zoom back to normal on his Solid Eye, "We need a boat, I can't tell how far out that island is so there's no telling where we'd land if I teleported." he wandered off to another dock, his new pupil close behind, "You, take me to Galuna Island." Zeke stopped at another boat dock and ordered the fisherman to take him, "What? No way in hell!" the fisherman yelled, "I could just take the boat by force and leave you jobless." Zeke said coldly, drawing his right hand sword, "H-Hey now, no need to get nasty, I-I'll take you, just don't expect me to stay and wait for you." The fisherman held his hands in surrender, gesturing for them to get on, "I'm glad we could make a deal, I get to the island and you keep on fishin!" Zeke laughed as he sat down, his student sitting right next to him, "Hey, why so close?" Zeke nudged her, she was pressed right into his arm, "Look at the guy…" Hailey whispered, Zeke looked up at the fisherman who had started guiding the boat out to sea, his hand on the motor handle and lustful eyes on her, "Oi, fish man, eyes on the sea or I cut them out." Zeke warned, his blade poking the man's nose, "Uhhh yeah….." the fisherman sweated nervously and looked out to the ocean, "Good fishy, if I catch that shit again I promise I ain't just gouging your eyes out." Zeke smiled viciously, his grin making the fisherman shake in fear, "Yes Sir!"

Zeke waved to the scared shitless fisherman as he revved his boat out to sea from Galuna, "Umm, Sensei, what about your promise? He was-" "I know." Zeke interrupted Hailey and pulled a detonator button from his belt, "I left him a surprise." he grinned madly and hit the switch, the boat on the horizon blew sky-high, "Hehehehehe, jackass." Zeke turned around and faced his student, "Don't worry, he might make it back to the mainland, now, on to the adventure ahead!" he laughed and walked toward the jungle behind them, his stunned pupil close behind, "Now, what do we have here…?" Zeke tilted his head to match the angle of a massive temple that was tilted, "Seems they already went to work here, I wonder what's inside?" he wandered into the temple and….. fell down a hole, "Well shit." *SMACK*

"Ouch, that hurt quite a bit." Zeke stood up, the only reason he fell down that god-forsaken hole was because the damn temple tilted back into place, "SENSEI!" Hailey's voice came down to him, "Oh hey, come on down, the ground is hard and cold." Zeke said sarcastically, pulling a bouncy house from his belt as Hailey landed on it, "Ouuff, Sensei, are you alright?" she asked, awkwardly climbing out of the bouncy house, "Yep, I'm good, let's see where this tunnel leads…" Zeke trailed off, walking down the tunnel, his student close behind as always, they reached a massive cavern with a ice-sealed demon in the middle, "Hey look, there's a demon…. It's trapped in an _**Iced-Shell**_ spell…. Wait a second…. THAT MEANS…. Aw hell naw, I need to do something!" Zeke jumped down and ran up to the demon, "Stay back, it's about to get toasty in here!" he waved his student off to the side. "Alright, time for some magma to fix this mess." Zeke held his hands toward the demon and chanted, _**"By the divine power of Magma, may I bless those injured with health, and those trapped with freedom….. Gods Magma!"**_ Zeke glowed a bright blue-green, the earth shook with massive force, a massive eruption of blue-green magma exploded from the ground and engulfed the whole demon, it glowed with power before the magma slowly rolled back off the demon and into the ground, in Zeke's arms was a beautiful buxom woman with short dark purple hair, "Ta da." he chuckled and laid the woman down, pulling a blanket from his belt he wrapped it around her before facing the demon. "Hmm, this thing's dead." Zeke pulled an RPG from his belt and fired it at the demon, the rocket corkscrewed into its mark and blew the demon to pieces, Zeke tossed the RPG to the side and lifted the unconscious woman bridal style, "Um, Sensei, who's that?" Hailey asked as she approached, "I ain't got a damn clue, we need to get out of here and find my friends, c'mon, I'll make an exit." Zeke grinned, walking to a far wall, "Hmm…" he touched his boot on the wall, it heated up the wall, making it glow, "Annnnnd bam!" Zeke kicked the wall with enough force to blow a nice hole to the outside, leaving a half-melted stone wall behind, "There, shall we?" he grinned and gestured to the door, his pupil still trying to get used to her new teacher's methods, "Yeah…."

Zeke finished his project, "There, you stay here with this person and I'll be back soon, ok?" Zeke walked out of a house made of stone, he created it out of magma, "Ok Sensei, please don't take too long." Hailey nodded and went inside, a titanium door sliding into place, "Now, what the hell is happening on this island?"

Zalty walked into the cavern that held Deliora and found nothing, "What the hell?" he looked around and saw the empty RPG launcher near-by, "What's this?" he examined it, "Hmmm…." just then a flaming fist sent him out a partially melted hole in the wall, "How'd you like that you mask wearing freak!?" Natsu yelled, celebrating in his triumph, "Wait a second, something's missing here!" he looked around and couldn't find the giant ass demon, "Where'd it go?"

Erza and Lucy knocked down Toby at the last second, stopping the ceremony, "It's too late, the ceremony is finished…" Toby mumbled before passing out, Erza and Lucy waited, and waited, and waited, and got squat, "Isn't the demon supposed to revive?" Lucy pondered, "Let's go see, maybe we stopped it in time!" Erza shouted, running off, "Yeah!"

Gray looked over the defeated Lyon, "The ceremony is over, Deliora is free…." Lyon trailed off, waiting for the demon to make a sound or SOMETHING, "I'm going to go check on it, you stay here…." Gray took off down the halls of the temple, heading for the caves…..

"Where the hell is everyone?" Zeke wondered aloud, wandering the halls of the temple and again, falling into a hole, "Damn it all." *SMACK*

"Where did my bouncy house go?" Zeke asked himself, standing up and snapping his shoulder into place, "Hmm, I smell everyone…." he started down the cavern and came out in the same area he blew up the demon in, Zeke spotted everyone looking over the rubble of the demon, "Hey, I found you guys!" he waved, walking over to them, "Zeke, what happened to you?" Gray asked, "I got mixed up in some shit." Zeke said, looking over the rubble, "Do you know what happened here?" Erza questioned, "Yep, I undid that freezey spell and shot a rocket at the demon, blowing it to tiny bits!" Zeke cheered, punting a hunk of the demon, all but Natsu gaped at him, "How?" Lucy asked, "Meh, the thing was already dead, I just finished the job." Zeke responded casually, sitting on a hunk of the demon, "WHERE'S UR!?" Gray screamed, grabbing Zeke by the shoulders, a very angry look on his face. "You mean that woman that casted the spell? Follow me." Zeke casually pushed him off and wandered out the melted hole from earlier, "This way, I built a house made of metal and stone to keep her safe." Zeke pointed to the small house, he walked up and melted the door down, "Hey, I'm back- OUUUUFFF!" Zeke was tackle hugged by someone, "YAY, SENSEI IS BACK!" Hailey shouted, "Jeez, it's been like four hours, why are you hugging me?" Zeke questioned as he tried pushing the overly clingy girl off of him, "Ur is a meanie and wouldn't stop teasing me!" she whined, tightening her grip, Zeke sighed, "Alright, let me get up." he jumped up and set her next to him, "Wait here guys." Zeke walked into the building and it fell apart, melting back into the earth. "I'm guessing you're Ur?" Zeke asked the woman, she held the blanket around her, "Yes, may I ask how you saved me?" Ur asked, "That's a secret!" Zeke giggled madly, "Ur….you're alive." Gray said astonished, "Yes, I would suppose so." Ur laughed, walking up to her student, "Aw, you're all grown up." she threw her arms around him, the blanket falling off, reactions in order of intensity: Zeke gushed blood out of his nostrils and hit the ground with a thud, Gray blushed an insane red, Erza and Lucy sported deep blushes as did Hailey, Natsu and Happy didn't seem to understand the odd reactions, he walked over to Zeke and poked him with a stick, "Hey, you ok Zeke?" he asked, couching next to the downed magma slayer, "Just peachy….. and in heaven….. dat ass though…."

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BAM MUTHAFOOKAS there you have it, another chapter of Deathtrap, our insane hero of Earthland! did I forget that Deathtrap is also Deadshot?

Deathtrap: PLEASE LET ME BANG GRAY'S MASTER!

Me: Hmmmmmmmmm….

Deathtrap: *Puppy Eyes*

Me: We'll see.

Deathtrap: YEAH!

See you next time with more Deathtrap! (I forgot this in Chapter 3, oops :)


	5. TEAM DEATHTRAP!

Chapter 5:

TEAM DEATHTRAP!

"Talk" _'Think' "Voices in my head"_ _ **"Spells bruh"**_

All of the villagers celebrated the destruction of Deliora, the demon Ur trapped in ice that Zeke got her out of, he then had proceeded to destroy Deliora with an RPG, because fuck logic, RPGs exist, speaking of our hero, where the hell is that sneaky bastard?

(Camera flies around until spotting Zeke)

Ah, there he is, Zeke stood under a tree in the forest outside the newly rebuilt village since Lyon was being a heartless asshole and tried to kill the villagers, back to Zeke, he wandered back to the village, as he entered he overheard Erza, "We're going to destroy the moon of course." Zeke smiled insanely, "Moon bombing? WOOOO HOOOO, I got it!" the ground underneath Zeke shook, everyone watched as he was blown sky-high by an eruption of magma, "Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd… POW!" Zeke slapped a brick of C4 on some invisible barrier in the sky, right where the moon was, his ascent stopped right there, "Wait, aw shit." The magma below him stopped propelling him, "YAHHOOOOOOOOOOO!" he plummeted back to the ground, hitting it with enough force to crater it and kick up dust. The villagers stared in horror where Zeke landed, directly in front of them, "Don't worry, he's fine." Natsu said nonchalantly, right then the dust cleared and Zeke cracked his neck, "Ah, that's better." the villagers gaped at him as he pulled his detonator, "BOOM!" Zeke shouted and clicked the switch, the C4 brick blew a hole in the barrier, shattering the rest of it, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That was fun!" Zeke laughed madly as the barrier fell apart, "That was so cool Sensei!" Hailey cheered, the villagers were still shocked by what had just happened, "Now then, the demons can go back to their normal lives." Zeke grinned at the ultimately confused villagers. "I never expected you to figure out that Zeke." Erza said, slapping him on the back, "I'm not stupid, their auras were that of demons, put two and two together and you got pie." Zeke grinned, Erza sighed at his words, "Pie?" "If you cut a circle into fours and then take two you have half a pie." Zeke explained, cutting a pie he pulled from nowhere, "Ok….." Erza slowly backed away from him, "Thank you wizards, I knew I could count on you and your friends!" a voice called, a demon in a cloak walked up to the crowd, "It's the guy from the boat!" Gray, Lucy and Happy exclaimed, "Bobo…" the chief whispered, Zeke watched the reunion unfold before him, the demons growing their wings and flying around happily, "I wish I had wings, that silver eyed jackass has a pair." Zeke pouted, "Who has wings Sensei?" Zeke jumped a few feet and faced his student, "Someone I met in my travels, the douche hung me from a cliff after flying up there and dropped me, knowing full well I would live." He shook in anger, "A guy hired me to kill the flying bastard, what he didn't know was that I would come back and cut his nuts off." Zeke pulled one of his swords and swung it around before sheathing it, "Sensei, the villagers are having a feast." Hailey pointed out for some reason, "FOOOOOOOOOD!"

Zeke was happily stuffing his face when he stopped suddenly, downing what he had in his mouth he stood up and abruptly vanished, leaving his student dumbfounded where she sat, "Sensei?"

Erza was about to charge Lyon's two followers Yuka and Sherry when a loud gunshot rang out and the ground in-between the three exploded a little, "Don't move, that was a warning." Zeke said calmly, aiming his Atlas 20mm sniper rifle at Lyon's followers from a near-by roof, "We only came to apologize. We mean no ill-intent." Yuka explained, trying to remain calm at the end of the CANNON Zeke was pointing at him, "Oh, then I don't have to pop your skull?" Zeke asked, lowering the massive weapon, "N-No, we're sorry for acting suspicious, we came to apologize for all the trouble we caused you." Yuka apologized sighing in relief that Zeke lowered his weapon, "Cool, let's PARTY!" Zeke yelled, his weapon no-where to be found as he jumped off the roof and back to the tables, "Is he insane?" Sherry wondered as Natsu dragged her and Yuka into the party, "I think so…"

Zalty sat upon a branch, "Did you see that sir?" he asked a glowing orb, "Yes, why did you restore the village?" the orb asked, sounding suspiciously like a blue haired council member, "Cause I'm nice!" Zalty gave the orb a thumbs up, "Some would say too nice… we should watch those Fairy Tail wizards, they could be a problem." the voice said, "Yes," Zalty took his mask off and glowed, slowly transforming into a beautiful long haired woman in a short, white robe that was missing the right sleeve, "That's true." she finished, the orb stopped glowing and disappeared. "That was quite the trick." the woman jumped to the end of the branch, facing the person in the shadow of the tree trunk, "You nearly had me fooled but, you can't change your scent, Ultear." he grinned, his toothy white smile showing through the shadow along with a small glowing red dot on his left eye, he opened his right one, showing the blood red iris of his eye, "How did you sneak up on me?" Ultear asked, another teal orb forming in the air next to her, "I'm a master of stealth, I thought you knew that, since I always snuck into your room in that damn facility." He answered, his grin growing into a crazed smile, "Don't ever talk about that place." Ultear growled, "Whoa, settle down, you know your stupid time magic shit won't work well, don't bother." The figure stepped out of the shadow a little, showing off his black, magma crack suit and a silver revolver with a black handle in his right cowboy-like holster, "Do you think you can draw faster than I can attack?" Ultear asked, "Maybe I can, maybe I can't." he smiled, reaching his right hand to the revolver. "Humph!" Ultear threw her left hand forward, the teal orb shot forward and shattered at the sound of a loud gunshot, Ultear gaped as our hero snorted the gun smoke from his Smith and Wesson 500 magnum, "I am so turned on right now." he breathed, holstering his gun, "H-How?" Ultear asked, "I'm a good shot is all." Zeke shrugged, "I-It doesn't matter, you won't win anywa-" Ultear stopped as Zeke's revolver dug itself into her forehead, "You were saying?" Zeke asked with a shit eating grin, Ultear growled, "You dumbass, you think you've won?" her confidence fell apart when Zeke cocked the hammer on his revolver, "Yes." he grinned madly at her. Ultear closed her eyes and prepared for the worst, "Hmm." her eyes snapped open at the feeling of a hand on her right breast, "Squishy, yet firm, soft too." Zeke said, a trail of blood coming from his nose, Ultear blushed, "Y-You pervert!" she froze at the revolver pushing into her head, "Ah ah ah! No, bad Ultear." Zeke lighting hit her on the head with the barrel before jamming it under her chin so he could get closer, "Now, how could I? I'm such a pervert aren't I? I know, I just can't help myself, you're so hot." Zeke smiled stupidly, groping her more, "I-I can't believe you, you could kill me right now but instead you- you- ARGH!" Ultear kneed him in the non-edible nuts, "Owie…." Zeke let go and dropped to his knees, holding his package, "Why do you have to be so mean!?" when he looked up Ultear was gone. "Aww….. damnit."

Zeke ran way ahead of everyone else and front flipped onto the pirate ship, "Arg me mateys! Let's set sail!" he shouted in a pirate voice, pointing at the sea, the actual pirates sweat dropped as the others boarded the ship, "Uh, me Beauty, is yur friend there insane?" the captain asked, "I'm afraid he is." Erza sighed, watching Zeke flip around the ship until he stopped in front of Ur-

"I think you really forgot about her, didn't you?"

*SIGH* I did, now shut up.

"No."

I knocked you out earlier, don't make me do it again.

"That was a lucky shot!"

I saw you try and dodge, slowly might I add.

Back to Zeke, he stopped in front of Ur, she had on a pair of black short shorts and a blue tank top, clothes Zeke had pulled from his belt after she asked for some, he was hoping she wasn't still angry about his comment when she asked for clothes, "Zeke, can I ask you something?" Ur asked, "Yes." Zeke had stopped in a hand stand, so, he flipped up onto his feet, "How did you get me out of that ice?" Ur asked, leaning close to his face, "That's a secreEEEEEEET!" Zeke squeaked loudly as Ur choked him a bit, "Really now, a secret, mind sharing?" Ur asked, her voice dangerous, "Not reeeally!" Zeke squeaked again, "You nutty moron." Ur growled, tightening her grip, "Heey, if you're gonna choke me, at least ride me in the cowgirl positi-EHGK!" Zeke stopped when his wind pipe was cut off. "A pervert as well?" Ur wondered, shaking Zeke around, "No- uek! I just really admire women!" Zeke explained, "You're hot and cool at the same time, your curves are killer-erk! Literally!" Zeke shouted, he jumped up and wrapped himself around her arm, trying to pry her hand from his neck, "You're really strong too- ERRK!" Ur tightened her grip again, "If you weren't trying to kill me I'd ask you out but-UREK! Oww… is this what I get for bringing you back?!" Zeke was a little annoyed now. Ur blinked for a moment before releasing him, Zeke hit the deck with a thud, "Ouch." he stood up and rubbed his back, "You didn't have to drop m-" he was interrupted when Ur grabbed the back of his head and slammed her lips onto his, "Murph!" Zeke was surprised, he quickly shook it off an enjoyed the last few seconds of the kiss, Ur pulled away and let go of him, "There, thanks for saving me." she smiled, "Hehehehe…. Any time Ma'am…." Zeke saluted with a dazed look, "Hey… I didn't seem to feel the first one since my face was going numb, can we do that again?" he asked, still slightly dazed, "As much of a pervert you are, you're still a sweetheart, yes we can." Ur said, smiling at Zeke, "WOOO HOOO!" Zeke cheered, "Get ready." Ur grabbed him by his head, "Whaahaha!" Zeke stopped moving as Ur leaned into him, her cool lips meeting his boiling hot ones. Zeke grabbed her shoulders as he got into it, leaning into the woman before him, from afar everyone gaped as they watched Zeke and Ur make-out, Gray was the one on the floor, "What the fuck….?" Erza punted the back of his head for his language as she blushed at the scene before them, as did Lucy and Hailey, Happy was keeping his laughter down and Natsu didn't really get it, "What are they doing?" no one answered him but the pirate crew wolf whistled at the pair, making the stop abruptly, Zeke looked over, unfazed by the spectators, his hands on Ur's lower back, "Oi, we're a little busy here!" he shouted, "No, we're done." Ur shoved him off of her and blushed as she walked away, "Aww…."

Zeke stopped pouting for a few seconds and slowly turned to everyone else, glaring heatedly at them, "It's your fault….." he growled, the deck beneath his feet smoked and became charred, "Now Zeke… calm down…" Erza said, sweating nervously, "No no, Fun Time…. **Pain Time**." "AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The group walked through Magnolia on their way back to the guild, all but Ur and Zeke were sporting horrified looks, "Humhummmhuuummmmm!" Zeke hummed happily as they walked along, "Uh, did something happen?" Ur asked, "Never piss off Zeke…." Lucy said hoarsely, "Agreed." Natsu nodded next to her, "Y'know, I didn't think about what would happen to you fools once we got back, I wonder…?" Zeke trailed off, stopping in his tracks, "Oh yes, I don't have a say in your punishment, the Master does." Erza said, Gray and Natsu sported some terrified looks, "You don't mean… NO KILL ME NOW, I CAN'T GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN!" Gray shouted, holding his head and crouching down, "What's he gonna do?" Lucy asked, sweating nervously, "Don't worry Luce, I'll talk Gramps out of this one." Natsu smiled, patting her shoulder, "I don't think he'll be up for a chat." Zeke said, watching Natsu start to sweat, "NOOOOO, DON'T TAKE ME!" Erza dragged him off towards the guild, "That poor guy, I gotta see this!" Zeke grinned madly and took off after them, Lucy started freaking out, "WILL SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!?"

Zeke kicked the guild doors open, busting the hinges, "Whoops." was all he said as he walked over to the table Natsu and Erza were at, "Hey, I thought he was getting punished?" Zeke asked, sitting across from them, "The Master isn't here, so he can't punish them." Erza explained as Gray and the others sat down, "Damn, I thought that was gonna happen." Zeke pouted, "Let's do a job then!" Natsu exclaimed, getting up and tearing a random flyer off the board, "You can't leave until the Master has punished you." Erza stated, slamming Natsu back into his seat, "Hey, you don't even have to get up for this one." Zeke said, grabbing the flyer Natsu had, "What the? Fifty thousand jewel to the fool who reads this?" he read, looking at the odd words below in the triangle, "Foma, roka, tri, go, fus, ro, dah, lok, krosis. AW SHIT!" Zeke shouted after reading the odd words, the flyer glowing in his hands, "DAMN IT ALL!"

Ur blinked, then blinked again, "Damn, who put that on the board?" she asked, "I don't know." Natsu answered, "Hold on a second, why does my back hurt so much?" Lucy asked, leaning on the table, "What the? I'M TALLER!" Erza shouted happily, "So cold." Gray shivered, "God, I'm so hot, it's like a furnace." Zeke complained, "What the? Why am I shorter?" Hailey asked, "Ah shit, like I thought, krosis means curse, we've been cursed guys!" Ur shouted, slamming her hands on the table, "What kind of curse?" Happy asked, "A body switching curse, let's see… Me and Ur switched, Happy and Erza, Natsu and Hailey, and Gray and Lucy." she explained, "Who are you then?" Natsu asked, "I'm Zeke of course, heheheheheehehehehehehehehe….." she looked over her own body, "Zeke, if you do anything with my body…." The actual Ur in Zeke's body growled in anger at Zeke, but then leaned back, "Why is your body so hot?" she/he complained, "Our minds have switched though, not our abilities, I'm freezing my perfectly plump ass here." Zeke complained, shivering, "Ahhhhh! Fire's falling out of my mouth!" Hailey yelled in Natsu's body, "Ice?" Lucy asked in Gray's body as ice fell out of her/his mouth, "Quiet, all of you!" Erza yelled, standing on the table in Happy's body, "When did I get these?" Happy asked, holding up Erza's breasts, "Don't you touch me like that!" Erza tried kicking Happy but hit the armor, "All of you quit bitchin!" Zeke slammed his hands on the table, "Let me fix this, it should work if I do one of these." He reached into the belt on his body and pulled a small black pyramid from it, "Curse Pyramid, reverse." Zeke touched it and it split open, pulling a rainbow light into it before closing, "There, all better." Zeke in his own body put the pyramid away, Ur checked herself over, "I'm back!" she cheered, "WE'RE NOT!" the others shouted, "Hmm, looks like your S.O.L. WHOOOOPWHOOOOPWHOOOPWHOOOOP!" Zeke shouted, back flipping out the door, "DAMN IT ZEKE!"

Zeke kicked open the guild doors a few hours later, "Sensei!" he was abruptly tackled to the ground, "Helllllloooo, I see you've returned to your own body." Zeke grinned, getting up and facing his student, "Yeah, after you left me like that." Hailey puffed her cheeks, "Hehe, ooopsss!" Zeke wandered off towards the bar, "Zeke, good to see you." Makarov said as he approached, "Hey Old Man, you're back." Zeke said, jumping up onto the bar next to Makarov, "I was surprised to find two new faces when I arrived, the famous Ur Milkovich and a girl named Hailey who called you sensei…." Makarov looked over at the smiling slayer, "Yep, I unfroze Gray's master and gained a student." Zeke confirmed, "Well, both of them joined the guild, what about you, have you decided?" Makarov asked, drinking a beer. "Why not? I'm not finding any other place with so many pretty ladies." Zeke grinned, Makarov sported the same look, "Good, I'm glad to have you aboard, welcome to Fairy Tail, go have Mira give you your stamp." Makarov told him, Zeke nodded and slid down the bar in an odd pose, his head in his hand and one of his legs bent as he stopped in front of the barmaid, "We meet again." Zeke grinned, "We do, what do you need?" Mira asked, smiling, "A guild stamp." Zeke said plainly, hopping off the bar next to her, "Oh, ok, where and what color?" Mira asked, pulling the guild stamp from no-where, Zeke pulled a combat knife from his belt and held it up to his right shoulder, cutting through the emblem on his suit and opening it to reveal his plain shoulder. "Here, in orange." Zeke told Mira, she nodded and put the stamp on his shoulder, when she pulled away it left an orange Fairy Tail mark, "Cool, thanks!" Zeke let go of his suit and it fixed itself, he put the knife away and jumped back over to Makarov, "Well, I'm official, this is gonna be fun!" Zeke exclaimed, "Wait a second, I can go on jobs now… WOOOO HOO!" he excitedly ran over to the board and scanned it, "Beating up banditos for six hundred thousand Jewels, I'm down!" Zeke tore the flyer off the board, "STUDENT, WE HAVE OUR FIRST JOB!" Zeke yelled, "Yay!" Hailey cheered and ran up to him, "What is it?" she asked excitedly, "Beatin up on some banditos!" Zeke exclaimed, doing a high kick, "Cool!" they were interrupted when Ur walked over. "Mind if I come along? I want to know more about my savior." Ur said, standing in front of the duo, she had changed her clothes, she now had a tan jacket and a red tank top showing her midriff and blue jeans with black shin-high boots, "No problemo!" Zeke exclaimed, bringing both Hailey and Ur to his sides he looked off into the distance, "WE ARE: TEAM DEATHTRAP!" he shouted, fireworks went off in the background and an eagle flew over and screeched, "Um, ok, that's cool, let's go do that job." Ur sighed, grabbing him by his neck and dragging him out, "Come along my student, we have a job to do!" "Hai Sensei!"

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Sup brO? I did it, more Deathtrap for you! And yes, he has his own team, Deathtrap, Ur and Hailey, let's hope he doesn't get them killed

I wouldn't dream of it!

Me: I know, you want to preserve Ur's hotness….

Deathtrap: *GASP* How'd you know?

Me: Because I created you, I know how you think.

Deathtrap: Oh yeah…..

Me: *SIGH*

See ya next time with more Deathtrap!


	6. Is That My Spleen?

Chapter 6:

Is That My Spleen?

"Talk" _'You should know this' "Don't play dumb"_ _ **"I know you know…."**_

Zeke sat back on his train bench across from Ur and Hailey, "Ba du ba da ba, du du du du, bada!" he sang a stupid tune up until Ur interrupted him, "Zeke, can I ask you something?" Zeke stopped singing and leaned over, "Ask away." he grinned, "Since you won't tell me how you got me out of the ice, what magic do you use?" Ur asked, "I'm the Magma Dragon Slayer." Zeke stated plainly, sitting back on his bench, "Oh, wow, alright, how did you survive falling a couple thousand meters?" she asked, "I have a very extreme healing factor, watch." Zeke pulled his revolver and shot himself in the head, his blood coating the window of the train, he sat up moments later, "See?" Ur blinked before laughing, "Wow, that's convenient." Zeke grinned, "I know, I can take everything you throw at me and recover." He proceeded to take a hatchet and cut his hand off, "Watch this." he picked up his detached hand and stuck it on backwards, "Ta da!" he then snapped it back into the correct place, "Ok, since you're immortal, then what can you do?" Ur looked over at Hailey, "Huh? Oh, nothing special." Hailey mumbled, "Aw come on, you have to be awesome if you're my student!" Zeke shouted, startling her, "Uhh, all I can do is some _**Metal-Make**_ magic." She mumbled again, poking her fingers together, "Metal….cool." Zeke stared in awe, "I've never heard of that kind of maker magic." Ur said, "Yeah, it's not used much due to it being hard to control, I'm one of the few who can easily manipulate metals of all kinds." Hailey explained, "I wanna see!" Zeke exclaimed, leaning close to her, "O-Ok." Hailey put her right fist onto her left palm, a purplish magic circle appeared before she opened her hand to reveal a knife made of iron, "There, see?" she gave it to Zeke, which he then promptly melted it and ate it. "Tasty." Zeke patted his stomach, "Aww, why'd you do that?" Hailey whined, "I was hungry." Zeke answered plainly, Hailey sat back and pouted, *SNORE* she sighed as Zeke snored away happily on his bench, "This is gonna be a long ride."

Team Deathtrap arrived in a very abandoned looking town, "Whoa, looks like they all up and left." Ur commented, Zeke studied the job flyer and looked around, "Hmm, says here that we should go to the mayor's office." he said, not finding a building that resembled a mayor's office, "You're looking for the mayor's office?" a voice asked, Zeke's head snapped to an alley way not to far to their right, "Yes, who might you be?" Zeke questioned, his hand on his revolver, "Wait wait!" a short young boy came out of the alley, he had short, messy brown hair and blue eyes, he had on a white t-shirt under his denim suspenders and brown boots, he was only a bit taller than Hailey, "Kid, why are you hiding in the shadows?" Zeke asked, "Sorry, I can't be too careful, this town has been ransacked by those bandits so many times that all I can do is hide." The boy sighed after explaining and walked up to the trio, "Are you guys wizards?" he asked, tilting his head, "Not just any wizards!" Zeke shouted, grabbing his teammates and looking off into the distance, "We are: TEAM DEATHTRAP!" he yelled, again fireworks went off behind them and an eagle flew overhead with a screech, "Whoa, that's so cool!" the boy shouted, jumping with excitement, Zeke flashed his crazy grin and crouched to eye level with the boy, "So, what's your name kid?" Zeke asked, "Lyle." Lyle said, "I'm Zeke, otherwise known as Deathtrap." Zeke stuck his hand out and Lyle shook it, "Nice to meet you Mr. Deathtrap." Lyle smiled, his grin nearly matching Zeke's. "Not to forget, these are my teammates!" Zeke jumped up and grabbed Hailey, pushing her up to Lyle, "My apprentice: Hailey, a _**Metal-Make**_ wizard." Lyle stood there, staring at her, his eyes wide, "Nice to meet you Lyle…. Uhh, are you ok?" Hailey waved her hand by his face, Lyle broke his stupor and nodded, looking away with a blush, "N-Nice to meet you too." he stuttered, "And, my beautifully deadly, hot and sexy partner in crime: Ur, the _**Ice-Make**_ buxom babe!" *SMACK* "Owie…" Ur smacked Zeke on the head and walked over to Lyle, "Hi, I'm Ur." she greeted, bending down to his level, Lyle blushed and nodded, "H-Hi." Ur smiled, "Aw, he's cute." she ruffled his hair and stood back up, "I'm cute too right?" Zeke whined, coming up next to her, "No, you're handsome." Ur patted him on the head "WOOO HOO!" he cheered, running in circles. "So, if you guys are wizards, are you here to stop the bandits?" Lyle asked, making Zeke stop his celebration, "Yes, we need to find the mayor's office." Zeke answered, scanning the town again, "Mr. Deathtrap, I know where it's at, follow me." Lyle turned and headed straight into town, Zeke nodded to himself, "Let's go team!"

The team followed Lyle for a while until he stopped in what looked like a town square, "Hehehe, you idiots are so trusting, NOW GUYS!" Lyle ran off as multiple men came out of alleys and such and surrounded the trio, all the thuggish men had cloaks on, one had his hood off, showing his long blue hair, "Hehehe, nice work boy, I knew we hired that kid for a good reason." the blue haired man chuckled, pointing a jagged blade at them, "Look, he brought us two girls to "play" with." he smiled lustfully, his men nodding and smiling the same, "Ughh, gross." Hailey said, nearly gagging at the disgusting thugs. "Oi, who the fuck do you think you're messing with?" Zeke growled, the air growing hot, "That's something else I can't stand, you fuckers are what give good perverts a bad name." he growled again, the blue haired man laughed, "Hahahahaha, what are you goin to do 'bout it?" Zeke smiled very, very evilly, "What I'm going to do? You should be afraid of what these two are going to do." Zeke gestured to Hailey and Ur who were looking pretty angry, "Hahahahahahahahaha, I'm not scared of two bitches." The blue haired man laughed, holding his stomach, his men were laughing as well, "Ouuuu, wrong move, you lose!" Zeke smiled, _**"Ice-Make: Rose Garden!"**_ Ur took out a good chunk of the thugs, _**"Metal-Make: Iron Jaws!"**_ Hailey crunched another chunk of thugs with metal shark-like jaws, "Hehehe, my turn. _**Magma Dragon's Roar!"**_ Zeke's roar blasted an even larger hunk of men away. "H-holy shit…." the leader gaped at the destruction of his men, "Language, there's children here." Zeke said, appearing before the blue haired leader, _**"Magma Dragon's Tectonic Crash!"**_ magma hardened around his fists and he smashed them into the sides of the leader's head, knocking him unconscious, Ur freeezed the rest of the thugs and Hailey trapped the downed ones in cages, "Hehehe, dumbasses." Zeke chuckled, tying up the rest with ropes, zip-ties, and hand cuffs. "Hey, where'd that kid go?" Ur wondered, "Boss, Boss, they're over here!" the trio turned to a street corner where Lyle was pointing at them, "Good work kid, move." a large hand pushed Lyle off to the side a little, from around the corner came a massive man, he was a least ten feet tall, his shoulders were as wide as Zeke is tall and his whole body was insanely muscular, so much so, it was to the point of being nearly disgusting to look at, his head was very disproportionate to his body, he was bald and his eyes were very squinty, "PfttffhhaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Zeke burst out laughing when he saw the man, "What's so funny!" the man bellowed, upon closer inspection, all he was wearing was a… banana hammock. "Ahhahaha, YOU, you look like an idiot!" Zeke shouted, laughing even harder, both Ur and Hailey were also giggling a bit, "Look who's talking, you're a white haired, jumpsuit wearing Cyclops!" the man pointed at Zeke, "Pft, you kidding? I look badass." Zeke struck a pose, "Grr, whatever, I see you puny idiots took out all of my men, I am their leader, the great Rango!" Rango shouted, flexing his bulging muscles, "Rango Rampage eh? I've heard of you." Zeke said, narrowing his eye at Rango, "Hahaha, I see my reputation has spread!" Rango yelled, flexing his muscles again, "Fancy that, so has mine." Zeke said, growing an insane smirk, "Oh, and who might you be little man?" Rango questioned, leaning down towards them, he reeked of booze, "They call me Deathtrap." Rango recoiled a little and readied his fists, "Deathtrap huh? Rumors say you're dangerous, with just about any weapon, whether it be your fists or a rifle." Rango said, watching every move Zeke made, "Yep, that's me alright, so, are we gonna fight or talk bruh?" Zeke asked, grabbing the handles of his swords.

"Hahaha, let's see who's stronger then!" Rango shouted, charging forward at an impressive speed, "You're pretty quick for a juggernaut." Zeke commented, appearing above Rango and slashing an x-shape on his back, "Argh, you're not slow either." Rango's massive fist came out of nowhere and smashed Zeke into the ground, "Hahaha, didn't see that one huh?" Rango asked, flexing his hand, "Ow, damn, is that my spleen?" Zeke crawled over to an organ on the ground and stuck it back where it belonged as his stomach regenerated, "That's a pretty nifty power you got there Deathtrap." Rango commented, watching Zeke pick up his swords, "Yep, fancy no?" Zeke charged forward and swung wildly at Rango, who was able to doge a lot of them, "Huuurrrraaagh!" Rango yelled and swung his fists down onto Zeke, "No." "AAAHHHHRRRRRRGGHHAA!" Rango screamed in pain and lifted his fists back up, there were seared slash marks on them. "What did you do!?" Rango screamed, "I heated my swords to the point where they cut through flesh like melted butter." Zeke explained, showing off his red hot blades, "Grrrrr, let me crush your skull!" Rango charged Zeke, a fist ready to smash him, "Too slow." Zeke appeared behind Rango with his swords pointed outwards as if he had swung, "AHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRHHH!" the mountain of a man dropped to his knees and clutched two massive, seared slash marks on his inner thighs, "YOU BASTARD!" Rango screamed, he stood up and faced Zeke, his skin became red and his veins popped out all over his body, "Uhh, sorry?" a fist flew by at an unfollowable speed and slammed Zeke into a wall, _'Fuck, why did that hurt so much?'_ Zeke thought to himself, holding his sore shoulder. _"Zeke, that's a forbidden magic he's using, it's called_ _ **Rage Magic,**_ _it up's the user's speed and strength while also taking away their humanity, it can slow your regenerative powers so watch out!"_ Zeya explained in his head, "What? Damnit, not this shit again!" Zeke jumped over a fist that was aimed for him, "Shit, I gotta avoid getting hit by this jackass." he growled, rolling to the side to doge another fist, "ARRRGGHHAA!" another came from his blind spot and threw him into a different building, "Damnit all, _**Magma Dragon's Scorching Fist!"**_ Zeke launched off the wall and landed his magma coated fist into Rango's head, "AHHHGGRRRRAA!" Rango swung at Zeke as he landed, Zeke dodged all of the attacks, "Shit, I need an opening!" he shouted, back flipping out of the path of Rango's fists. "STOP MOVING!" Rango shouted, his fists getting faster, "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT!" Zeke kept dodging all of the attacks, "I got something just for this asshole." Zeke said to himself, jumping out of reach of the fists and sheathing his swords, _**"Magma Dragon's Wing Attack!"**_ Zeke swung long ropes of magma, hitting Rango full force and knocking the Rampager off his feet, _**"Come forth from the Earth, burning all in thy's path, destroy my enemies with thou's wrath, form new Earth in thy dragon's name, Magma Dragon's Vibrant Eruption!"**_ the earth shook violently and exploded under Rango, a massive column of magma shooting into the air, "Hehehe, how's that feel?" Zeke asked, the magma coating the city and the area they were fighting in, "AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Rango burst from a pile of magma, his skin seared and charred, "Damn, you're one tough bastard." Zeke commented, Rango grunted and charged him again. "Ah damn, _**Magma Dragon's Spitfire!"**_ Zeke cupped his hand over his mouth __and shot globs of magma at Rango, the globs hit and knocked him over, Zeke ran forward and jumped up, _ **"Magma Dragon's Talon!"**_ he landed a magma coated foot into Rango's gut, knocking the wind out of him, Zeke again jumped up in the air and aimed his head at Rango, _**"Magma Dragon's Searing Horn!"**_ he coated himself in magma and crashed headfirst into Rango, "AAAARRRRRRHHHH!" Zeke jumped back away from him to avoid another fist, Rango stood up and wheezed, "I WILL KILL YOU!" he screamed, his magic exploded and Zeke shielded his face, "Shit!" he looked up in time to see a massive fist slam into him, Zeke let out a silent scream and flew across the town square, through a bunch of buildings and out into the forest around the town.

"Agghhh, son of a bitch." Zeke stood up on shaky legs, leaning against one of the trees, "Why do I feel so drained?" he asked himself, _"His magic must have something to do with it, you're reserves are low." 'Guess I'll have to finish this quickly.'_ Zeke got ready as the thundering sounds got closer, sure enough Rango burst forth from the trees, his whole body had doubled in size, "You're one ugly motherfucker." Zeke wheezed, trying to sound strong even though his whole body was in incredible pain, "Graaahhhh!" Rango raised his fists into the air, a massive orb of whitish red energy formed on his fists, so large it dwarfed the town, "Well fuck." _**"Rage: Apocalypse Strike!"**_ Rango slowly brought the massive orb down unto Zeke, _"Take off your Solid Eye!"_ Zeke watched as the orb got closer, he then reached for his Solid Eye and took it off….

Ur and Hailey watched the massive explosion from a safe distance, the other side of town, the wave of energy crushing some of the buildings on that side of the town, "Oh my god, is he ok?" Ur whispered, "I-I don't know…. SENSEI!" Hailey yelled, right then there was another explosion, one that completely engulfed the one before, magma shot from the earth, twice the size of Zeke's _**Vibrant Eruption,**_ the magma then slowed down, they could feel the heat from so far away, then all of a sudden a massive amount of magic pressure hit them, "Ahhh, what is this!?" Ur yelled, the magic energy crushing, "It's Sensei's magic…." Hailey whispered, "Let's go, we should see if he's alright!" Ur shouted, creating an ice ramp, "We're coming Sensei!"

Rango stood up, he looked around, he had landed in a grove of trees, looking around he saw the massive destruction of the forest and saw the magma laying everywhere, burning the forest, "Grr, where is lava man?" he asked, he spotted a figure in the center of the crater, magic energy pouring from the figure and the strings of an eye patch flowing from his left hand, "Lava man! TIME TO DIE!" Rango shouted, running down the slope at the figure who was now seen as Zeke, once Rango was within ten feet he was blown into the air by an eruption of magma, "This, this power, it's amazing." Zeke said, his voice was a little deeper, his eyes foreshadowed by his hair, his left eye glowing a deep orange. "Wha-What, lava man, so strong…." Rango trailed off, getting up from his position not too far from where the eruption flung him, "Yeah…. It's nice…. _**Magma Dragon's Roar!"**_ Zeke blasted Rango away, he looked up, his right eye was normal but his left one was orange, just solid glowing orange, under his eyes were black scales that glowed orange in the cracks, just like his suit but in a scale pattern, down both sides of his neck were the same scales, "Ahhhhrg, lava man!" Rango got up and charged Zeke again, throwing a massive right hook, Zeke simply lifted his left arm and blocked the punch, stopping it dead with little effort, "Huh?" Rango, tilted his head, "Hmm, it seems that this power has increased my strength to blasphemous proportions." Zeke concluded, tossing Rango off to the side. "I think it's high time we finish this." Zeke gathered a massive ball of magma in his right hand, _**"Magma Dragon's Secret Art….."**_ his magic flowed even more, _**"Earth's Ire: Volcanic Eruption!"**_ he slammed the ball into the ground, it shook violently before an even larger eruption of magma, rock and ash exploded from the ground, enveloping the whole area, tearing even more of the town to shreds and the forest to pieces…..

Ur and Hailey stopped running when the area Zeke was in exploded with his spell, _**"Metal-Make: Dome Shield!"**_ Hailey made a dome of metal that shielded them from the hot rock and ash that was falling from the sky, "What is he trying to do? Destroy the whole town!?" Ur shouted, the sound of rocks and lava hitting the dome deafened the sound of her voice, "Sensei…."

Zeke looked around at the carnage before him, the area covered in hot rock, the sun was mostly blocked out by the ash, it looked like a warzone all around him, Rango was out cold in a patch of blown over and charred trees, "I think I over did it a little." he sighed, turning back to the now half destroyed, half coated in lava, hot rock and ash, "There goes another paycheck." he sighed again, walking towards the city, he then noticed something he didn't before, "I can see…" he blinked, holding his left hand to his left eye, "I can see out of it….. cool." Zeke smiled happily and kept walking, eventually coming up to a metal dome, "What the hell?" he knocked on it, no response, so, Zeke did what he does best, "C4!" he slapped a bunch of bricks onto the dome, running a safe distance he hit the detonator, Zeke returned to the now half gone dome, "*COUGH COUGH* What the hell Zeke!?" Ur yelled, walking out and smacking him on the head. "Owie." Zeke rubbed his head, "Sensei!" he was then tackle hugged to the ground, "Ahh, what?" he looked down at his student, "I'm so glad you're ok Sensei!" Hailey yelled, hugging him tighter, "Argh, yeah, I'm fine." Zeke pushed her off and got up, "Whoa, Zeke, your eye." Ur said, pointing to his left eye, "What about it?" Zeke asked, he never heard the answer because right then he felt his awesome power fade, "ZEKE!" *SMACK*

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Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe…. Zeke passed out, :0 no way right!? Wonder what happened? Guess you'll have to wait and see…. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

See ya next time with more Deathtrap!

Yeah, fuck that Rango guy!

Me: Zeke, you're passed out, remember?

Zeke: Oh yeah. *SMACK* *SNORE*

Me: Dumbass….


	7. Something Ain't Right

Chapter 7

Something Ain't Right

"Talk" _'Think' "Voices"_ _ **"Spells"**_

Zeke groaned as he awoke, he didn't move because of the voices he heard, "How is he?" Makarov's voice asked, "He's fine, as soon as that _**Rage Magic**_ wore off he regained any blood loss and healed all of his wounds, what is he?" an older lady's voice asked, "We're not sure, he's never told us anything, I won't ask him to explain either, it's his choice, you understand that." Makarov explained, sighing in concern, "Yes, I understand you old fool, now, since he's fine I'll be leaving." Zeke heard a chair move and a door open and close, "You are a master of stealth." Makarov chuckled, Zeke cracked his eye and grinned, "Aw, ya caught me!" he sat up and looked around, he was in a hospital room, his suit was hanging near-by, he sat in only his skin tight, black underwear, "Damn, who got that suit off me?" he wondered, "Natsu actually tore it off of you, knowing it would fix itself." Makarov answered, standing on a chair next to Zeke. "Huh, was anyone surprised by my anaconda?" Zeke asked, "I personally wasn't paying attention to that but, most of the men got jealous and most of the women blushed before I looked, though, I'd like to know, how'd you fit that thing in those clothes?" Makarov wondered, "Now now Old Man, I thought I didn't have to explain?" Zeke grinned, "Hahahaha, of course, no problem, but, I should explain what has happened to the guild."

Makarov went on to explain that Phantom Lord had attacked the guild and that the members were staying together tonight, "I told Ur and Hailey to stay at your place." Makarov said after his explanation, Zeke had gotten up and equipped all of his gear, reloading his revolver, "Ah, ok, I'll sleep on the couch then." Zeke said, holstering his revolver and walking towards the door, "Zeke, I want an explanation of what happened on that mission." Makarov stopped his advance, "Alright, I'll explain after this Phantom business is done." Zeke told him, grinning over his shoulder, "Good, that's fine, I don't have to tell you to be careful tonight either." Makarov said, still standing on the chair, "Night." Zeke walked out of the hospital room, a few minutes later a nurse came in and found no one, "Where'd he go?"

Zeke walked through the streets, one of the lights blinking an odd pattern, all of a sudden he dodged a barrage of iron kunai that stuck the ground he was standing on, "Ohhh, I love playing ninja, who all's playing?" Zeke asked, drawing his right sword, "What the?" a gruff voice asked, Zeke made out a pair of eyes similar to his in the dim light but they were beady, "Whatever, I'm here to beat you to a pulp." an iron pole struck the wall next to Zeke, "Nice try but, I'm not very easy to beat up." all of the near-by lights went out, there was a slashing sound and the sound of a body being split open and hitting the ground. When the lights came on Zeke was nearly all the way split in half, laying on the ground in a pool of blood, his assailant walking way, his arm turning back to normal, "Humph, cocky bastard." a few minutes later, Zeke stood up, his blood boiling off, "Ugh, that one hurt." he sheathed his sword and kept walking towards his hotel penthouse….

"Sensei!" Zeke held onto the doorway when a blur hit him in the gut, "Ughh, yeah." Zeke rubbed Hailey on the head, "I'm alright." he pushed her back and took a knee, holding her by the shoulders, "Don't worry about me, I'm your immortal Sensei, I'm not going anywhere." Hailey rubbed her eyes and nodded, "I-I know but-" "Butts? No, I'm fine, no matter how much someone slows my regeneration, I'll always come back, I promise." Zeke pulled her into a hug, "Aww, I knew you were a sweetheart!" Ur smiled as Zeke stood back up, "Hehe, I'm just being me." Zeke said bashfully, "I want a hug too, you made me worry you jackass." Ur grabbed him and crushed him in a hug, he didn't care because her breasts were pressed against him. "Ehhehehehe, sorry about that…." Zeke mumbled dazed, "Still a perv no matter what huh?" Ur looked him in his eye, leaning closer until her cool lips pressed against his super-heated ones for a third time, Zeke fought back with equal effort, making Ur moan a little, after a moment they broke apart, Ur caught her breath first, "You're good at that." she said, running her hand on his chiseled muscular upper body, Zeke's hands reached her plump rear and he was squeezing the cheeks happily, "I guess I'm just naturally good at kissing." Zeke rubbed his hands on her ass, making her quiver a little, "Good with your hands too?" Ur purred, "I have to be, guns are hard to work with sometimes but, I can alter those skills." He growled, running his hands all over her ass, "A little touchy-feely there too…" Zeke smirked, "Look who's talking." Ur didn't bother moving her hands from his abs, "Touché." Ur giggled, tracing his muscles through his suit, "Uhhh…." it was then that the two noticed the beet red Hailey, awkwardly poking her fingers together, "Hehehe, sorry 'bout that." Zeke let go of Ur as she let go of him, "Umm, bedtime?" Zeke guessed, Ur nodded but, it seemed Hailey was slightly stunned, "Oi, student, snap out of it." Zeke snapped his fingers together, breaking her trance, "Hu-Huh?" Zeke smiled, "Bedtime." he said simply, pushing her to her bag. Zeke went into the bathroom and came out in only black sweatpants and his belt and suit in each hand, hanging them on the door and then flopped onto the couch near the wall with a pillow, *SNORE* he was asleep right away, "I'll go next." Ur walked into the bathroom, a few minutes later she came out in a black lacey nightgown, "I'm beat." she collapsed on the bed, Hailey went in next, coming out some time later in regular pink pajamas, turning out the lights and climbing in next to Ur….

Both Ur and Hailey didn't fall asleep for a whole hour, "Hey Ur, you awake?" Hailey whispered, turning to face the ice wizard, "Yeah, can't sleep?" Ur asked, sitting up, "No, I-I'm scared." Hailey whispered, hiding under the covers, "I'm a little on edge too." Ur admitted, rubbing her head, "Sensei…" Ur looked over at the sleeping Zeke, "Do you think he'll make us feel better?" she wondered, "I feel safer with Sensei, he's so strong." Hailey said dreamily, Ur giggled, "Go get him, I know he can't refuse you." Ur said, Hailey nodded and got out of bed, walking over to the sleeping slayer…

 **An hour ago:**

Zeke opened his eyes and saw his female doppelganger, again in an empty space, "We meet again." Zeke grinned, "We do." she vanished and appeared before him, running her hands down his front, "Hey, no fair." Zeke grabbed her large breasts, the soft orbs of flesh overflowing in his hands, yes he did notice that she had on only what he did, she gasped at his sudden grope and moaned a little, "So, mind explaining what the hell happened back at that town?" Zeke asked, happily groping Zeya's massive breasts, "Y-Yeah, when you t- ahhh… when you took off your Solid Eye- awhhh- you activated your _**Dragon Force."**_ Zeya explained between moans, "Why did I collapse afterwards?" Zeke asked, now leaning down to suck on her pink buds atop her large mounds. "Y-You weren't used to that much m-magic- ahhhahhhh! You weren't used to that much magic before! AHHH! And you-you were exhausted from-from magic depletion be-because you used so much! AHH!" Zeya had grabbed his head and was pushing him further into her cleavage, "Makes sense." Zeke said, going back to sucking on one of her nipples and pinching the other with his fingers, he shoved her onto a bed he created in his dream world, "Are you going to-to take me for yourself?" Zeya asked wrapping herself around Zeke, "Well, you may look like your my sister but, you're some dragon spirit so, yeah." Zeke licked his way up her cleavage, "Z-Zeke, please, more…" she pushed his face deeper into her breasts. "You're a naughty spirit aren't you?" Zeke asked, his hot tongue licking up her neck, "Yes, I so naughty, punish your naughty spirit." Zeya moaned, "Jeez, I was expecting you to act at least shy or something…?" Zeke rubbed his head a little, "Since I'm a part of your mind I'm just about the same as you, every perverted quirk, you want to dominate but I want to as well." Zeya flipped them over, straddling his waist, "I see but, you can't dominate, I'm the dragon slayer." Zeke growled, flipping them back over, right then everything started fading, "Morning already?!"

Zeke woke up, his eyes adjusting quickly and saw Hailey tugging on his wrist, "Sensei…." he looked closely at her, "I'm guessing you're scared because of this Phantom stuff huh? Want me to sleep closer?" he asked, she nodded, pulling him, Zeke got up, following her to the bed, "I'll sleep on the floor." right as he said that a colder hand grabbed his other wrist, "No, get in here." Ur pulled him onto the bed, Hailey following right after, taking his right shoulder as a pillow, Ur took his left arm as a pillow as well, Zeke sighed, "Alright, night." he slowly dozed off, happy light snoring lulling him to sleep….

Zeke could feel that something was amiss as soon as he woke up, "Something ain't right." he realized it was the extra weight on his chest, Ur was snoring lightly on his chest, her body pressed into his side, his right arm was pinned as Hailey smiled in her sleep on his shoulder, he smiled to himself, _'As long as everyone's happy, I'm happy.'_ "What's with the weird smile? Enjoying my body on yours?" Ur asked suddenly, alerting him to her consciousness, "No, just being happy." Zeke said, still smiling, "Does that mean you're enjoying my body as well?" "Yes." Ur giggled and got up with a stretch, "Thanks for staying with us by the way." Ur leaned over and kissed his cheek, "No problem, if I can help I will." Zeke stuck his thumb up, "Huuuhhh? Is it morning?" Hailey mumbled sleepily, her eyes cracked open, Zeke looked at the alarm clock on the nightstand, it was six in the morning. "No, go back to sleep." Zeke rubbed her head and Hailey fell back asleep, "Aww, you're so sweet." Ur gushed, "Can't help it." Zeke sighed, his student wouldn't let go of him so he stayed like that for another hour before Hailey yawned, "Hey sleepy head." Zeke patted her on the head, "Wha-?" she blinked in surprise, "I let you sleep in some more, you wouldn't let go of my arm so I was stuck here." Zeke explained, grinning at her flushed face, "Oh, thank you Sensei." she let go of him and sat up, "Ehh, you can stop calling me that, it was kind of a joke that you took seriously." Zeke grinned, "What?! Y-You mean-!?" he nodded, Hailey blushed deeply, "Your mean." she pouted, "Cheer up champ, you're still my apprentice." Zeke patted her shoulder and got out of the bed, heading into the bathroom, "I didn't know you liked that teacher student play." Ur said, Hailey blushed a deep red, "Wha- NO!"

Zeke was leading his team through the streets when someone screamed at the park, "What the hell?" Ur wondered, _'I knew something wasn't right.'_ "Come on!" Zeke bolted for the park, "Wha-? Wait up!" Hailey and Ur ran after him…

"Move!" Zeke burst from the crowd, alerting Makarov and the others to his presence, "Old Man, what's….." Zeke saw what was on the tree, Levy, Jet and Droy were beaten and bolted to the tree, "Makarov…. That symbol…." Zeke pointed to the symbol on Levy's stomach, "Phantom." was Makarov's answer, the titan mage's magic overflowing, it was matched by a massive amount of heat and magic pressure, the ground beneath Zeke started melting, "Phantom…." "Zeke!" Ur and Hailey burst from the crowd, both stopping at the scene before them, "Oh my god…" Hailey held her hands over her mouth, "PHANTOM!" Zeke disappeared in a teleport, "Fairy Tail! THIS IS WAR!"

Three Phantom Lord members were heading for their guild door, "Can't let Gajeel have all the fun can we?" right at they reached the door it exploded, the blast strong enough to blow a massive hole in the front of the building, as the smoke cleared a red light shone through, gleaming from the left eye of one pissed as fuck magma slayer and the rest of Fairy Tail behind him, "Phantom, Fairy Tail as come calling!" Makarov yelled, both guild collided, fighting breaking out everywhere, "Who's this punk? Some jumpsuit cyclops?" a bunch of the Phantom members surrounded Zeke, "What, are you not gonna fight?" one taunted, "Careful what you wish for." Zeke appeared before that guy and kicked him in the face, "Shit, he's fast!" that one was also kicked in the face, the rest charged him, Zeke flipped onto a hand stand and spun, his feet coated in magma, kicking away the rest of the Phantom guys. "Move." Zeke blew away a bunch more of the members, "Take this!" a Phantom member slashed him with a sword, blood spurted out of Zeke's chest, "That tickled." he grabbed the stunned man and head-butted him, he then jumped to the side to avoid an iron pole, he landed by Natsu who had done the same, "Black Steel Gajeel." Natsu said, glaring at the long haired man who landed before them, "Wait a second, YOU'RE DEAD!" Gajeel pointed at Zeke, "Sorry, but I can't die, bitch." Gajeel crossed his arms and blocked a kick for his head, "I'll kill you this time, _**Iron Dragon's Club!"**_ Zeke caught the pole. "Fancy that, _**Magma Dragon's Roar!"**_ Gajeel was sent into the bar, a hole of melted stone behind his crash site, "He's all yours Natsu." Zeke walked off, kicking Phantom thugs out of his way. Another group of thugs surrounded Zeke, the slayer sighed and magma dripped off of his hands, _**"Magma Dragon's Hard Fist."**_ hardened magma coated his fists and he knocked out all of the thugs, "Eat my sword!" a thug came out of the crowd and rammed his sword into Zeke's face, what he wasn't expecting was that his sword started melting and Zeke swallowed it down, "Did you mean literally?" he kicked the thug away, "Fun Time….." another round of thugs charged him, "Gun Time." Zeke pulled two drum mag AA12s and unloaded on the Phantom members, "EAT LEAD YA BASTARDS!" he yelled, the Phantom members screamed in pain and fear as bullets whizzed by their heads, *CLICK* "Shit." Zeke put away his shotguns and pulled out two M249 light machine guns, "MORE FUN TIME GUN TIME!" he started unloading the MGs on the Phantom goons. "Where does he pull those from?" Ur wondered, choking a Phantom grunt, "Did I tell you you're super sexy?" the grunt choked out, "Yes, now shut it." Ur knocked him out and dropped him to the ground. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" Zeke laughed insanely as the grunts fell in pain, none suffering life-threatening wounds, "This guy's insane!" "That I am!" Zeke tossed his guns away and pulled out a mini gun, the belt of rounds extending from the gun into one of his belt chambers, "Fun Time….." the gun barrels started spinning, "Big Gun Time!" he started firing a mix of explosive and incendiary bullets, the mini gun barrels getting increasingly hotter with every round that went out, he stopped his onslaught when something fell from the ceiling and hit the floor, it was Makarov, he was green and weak, Erza ordered a retreat, "I'll cover the retreat! GO GO GO!" Zeke backed away from the crowd of Phantom members, spraying his mini gun back and forth to ward them off as the rest of the guild retreated, he watched Natsu drag away one of the grunts, "Better follow him." Zeke put away his mini gun and pulled out a shoulder mounted Howitzer cannon, "Fun Time Boom Time!" he fired the Howitzer, the 105mm shell blowing the building to smithereens as Zeke put it away and chased after Natsu….

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Ding fries are done! How Zeke shouldered a full blown Howitzer? WHO KNOWS!?

See ya next time with more Deathtrap!

Me: I think I lost him, he's upset over The Ultimate Dragon.

Zeke: DAMN RIGHT I AM! *Pulls Howitzer*

Me: SHIT! *BOOM*


	8. What The Fudge Is That?

Chapter 8:

What The Fudge Is That?

"Talk" _'Think'_ **"Dragon/Demon speech" 'Dragon/Demon think'** ** _"Spellz"_**

Zeke ran as fast as he could and watched as Natsu sprinted towards the large Phantom HQ, "NATSUUUUU!" _'Shit, is that Lucy?'_ Zeke watched a blond blur fall from the highest tower, Natsu launched up and caught her, crashing into the ruins below, Zeke stopped running and dove off to the side of the road, pulling out an L1198 sniper rifle and loading a round into the chamber. He saw Natsu get up and carry Lucy down the road, a few Phantom grunts burst from the doors of the building with spells charged, "I was hoping they were gonna be stupid." Zeke grinned as he trained the crosshairs on one and dropped him with a loud bang, "I hope he ain't dead!" he got up and put his rifle away before chasing after Natsu. "I love detonation rounds!" Zeke pulled a small red button and pressed it, an explosion went off at the Phantom building, he laughed madly as he ran past Natsu and Lucy, confusing the two wizards, "Was that Zeke?"

Zeke sat on a barrel as he listened intently to Lucy's story, about how her father was the rich Jude Heartfilia and that he hired Phantom to bring her back home, "I'm sorry, this is all my fault…" Lucy covered her face as she cried, "It's not your fault. He shouldn't be a fucking posh asshole, if he really wanted you back because he missed you, he'd have come himself." Zeke growled out, Lucy looked over at him, "Sorry." He ran a hand through his messy white hair, getting up and walking over behind Mira right as Laxus started laughing at her request of his assistance, "Are you serious? You can't hold your own against those Phantom wimps?!" Laxus howled, laughing loudly, "Hey, shut it." Zeke said calmly, Laxus stopped laughing and glared at Zeke, "Oh hey, it's the hot headed psycho. Why do you need my help when you have that freak to scare em' off?" The communication lacrima broke as ice engulfed it, Zeke turned around to see Ur glaring at the broken device, "Zeke is no freak nor is he hot headed, stupid lighting bastard." she stopped glaring at the device and looked at Zeke's grinning face, "Aw, I didn't know you cared that much!" he exclaimed, hugging her way too tight, "Well, it's true, now let go." Ur shoved him off and looked away. Zeke had crashed into a bunch of boxes, he got up and pulled a large splinter from his arm, "Just because physical pain doesn't bother me doesn't mean you can just go around smashing me into stuff." he grumbled, once he had pulled a splinter from one of his ass cheeks a loud thundering noise and an accompanied earthquake made him fall into the boxes, again. "Ow, damn it." Zeke pulled out more splinters as everyone rushed upstairs and outside, "What's going on?"

Zeke stared in awe at the massive robot that carried Phantom's HQ on it, "What the fudge is that?" the robot stopped and set down in the water, "Hello Fairy Tail!" a voice boomed, "Jose!" Erza shouted, glaring heatedly at the robot, "Hahaha, yes it's me, how do you like my mobile headquarters? Ah, to hell with talk, you may have taken Lucy Heartfilia away from me but, I grabbed some insurance just in case." Zeke's eye widened at the voice that yelled over the intercom, "ZEKE, UR!" He stalked to the front of the crowd, heat pouring off of him in waves, "Jose Porla, Phantom Lord's guild master, too much of a pussy to come out and fight aren't you?" Zeke asked, his voice a deathly cold tone, "WHAT DID YOU SAY BOY?" Jose roared, "I called you a pussy ass bitch, get the fuck out here and fight me or I'm coming in there and putting a bullet in your cock hole." All the guys except Natsu cringed, "Damn, that's brutal…." Gray said, "In the manhood…." Elfman trailed off, "HAHAHAHAHAHA, I'd like to see you try when you're DEAD!" Jose shouted, a massive cannon extended from the front of the building, "A Jupiter cannon? Pitiful." Zeke pulled his Howitzer, breaking the barrel and loading a round in, "FUCK YOU!" he fired the round directly down the barrel of the Jupiter cannon, blowing it to smithereens. "WHAT!? YOU BASTARD!" Jose screamed, Zeke simply put away his Howitzer and vanished in a teleport, "Huh? WHERE DID THAT FUC-" *SMACK*

Jose growled in anger as he rose from the floor, cupping his jaw where Zeke punched him, "Get up faggot." Zeke appeared before him in the blink of an eye and smashed his boot into Jose's gut, "UHHHHGGGG!" the wizard saint was on his knees, struggling to breath after the dragon slayer's massive blow, "Ugh, Gajeel!" Jose yelled, Zeke narrowed his eye as Gajeel dropped down from above, holding a beaten Hailey in one hand, "Hahaha, you should see the look on your face, I have something you want, you have something I want-" "Go fuck yourselves." The Phantom master glared at him, "Let me finish!" "No, fuck you, Lucy is staying and I'm taking Hailey with me, even if I have to end you." Zeke growled dangerously, "Master, I knew this was a bad idea, taking from Salamander was bad enough, taking from Deathtrap is even worse." Gajeel said, backing away from Zeke as his piercings were heating up, "Quiet, he can't do anything, now give me the girl and go do what I told you to do!" Jose snapped, he grabbed Hailey by her throat and pushed Gajeel away, Hailey woke up and choked in pain, clawing at Jose's hand, "Zeke….. Sensei….." The dark wizard grinned, "Aw, she's awake… I wonder if she remembers what we did to her?" he jumped back as magma exploded from where he was previously standing, "Ho ho? Is someone angry?" Zeke glared at him, "No shit Sherlock." Jose smiled, "I'll give you the girl, we just need Lucy in return." His smile turned wicked, "Let me think." Zeke put his hand on his chin, thinking music played in the background, confusing Jose, Zeke stopped thinking and the music stopped, "What is, no?" he drew his swords, moving forward at an unmatched speed and catching Jose off guard, he slashed Jose's wrist with one and stabbed him deeply with the other, pulling away he sheathed his blades and pulled Hailey from Jose's grasp, jumping a safe distance away. "ARRRHHGGG! YOU BASTARD!" Jose exploded with dark magic, "Shit, here." Zeke pinned a small blue button to Hailey's cloak, "Wha-? Zeke? What are you doing?" he looked up at her from his kneeling position, "Stay with the others at the guildhall, I'll be done with Jose soon, I promise." Zeke pressed the button and Hailey disappeared in a blue flash, "Alright asshole, time for your ass to get beat! OH SHIT!" a blast of dark magic hit him head on….

The rest of the guild was defending the guild hall, Jose had unleashed a swarm of ghostly soldiers after the cannon blew up, Natsu, Gray, Elfman and Erza had followed in suit after Zeke vanished, Ur was freezing a bunch of phantoms when Hailey appeared before her, she grabbed her and pulled her inside the guild hall, "Thank god you're safe!" Ur buried Hailey's face in her large breasts, "Ur!" Hailey recovered from her disorientation and hugged the ice mage back, "Is Zeke fighting Jose in there?" Ur asked, releasing her and looking outside, *BOOM* A massive explosion on the top floor shook the Phantom building, "I'll take that as a yes."

"Awww fucking hell." Zeke got up from the rubble of the floor above him, Jose's attack blasted him down a few floors, the dark wizard was now facing him with completely black eyes, "I'm surprised you're still in one piece." Jose observed, "I'm surprised you're still being a bitch." Zeke retorted, it ended with him going through a wall, "Yep, still bitchy, is it that time of the month for you?" he went through another wall, "Damn, I hope you have a tampon in, don't want you losing any more of your blood." Again, Zeke went through a wall, Jose came through the third hole and caught his breath, "That should teach you punk." Zeke got up from the rubble, cracking his back, "I hope you're not this rough with your boyfriend." yet again Zeke was sent through a wall, "Damn, if you are, I feel bad for the guy, he's gotta put up with your bitchy attitude every month." another wall, "I guess you guys like the BDSM shit eh?" This time it was a metal wall, "Do you whip him or hit him? Either way, it's gotta hurt." Jose slowly charged his attack, he was breathing heavily, "You….. punk…." Zeke smiled as he approached Jose, the wizard saint's eyes had returned to normal and he was sweating profusely. "Look at that, you wasted all your magic trying BDSM on me, how stupid can you get?" Jose looked up in horror as magma dripped from Zeke's fist, "What kind of monster are you?" he squeaked, "You're fucking nightmare. **_Magma Dragon's Scorching Fist!"_** Zeke bashed him across the face, knocking him out cold. "Phew, that was annoying, I never thought I'd get to punch him that hard again." Zeke picked up Jose by his collar and drug him out onto the roof, parts of the building were obliterated from others fighting inside, one part was completely gone as Natsu stood victorious in the rubble, Zeke pulled a flare gun and fired a bright red flare, the guild hall had been destroyed but everyone was all right, he grinned as they looked over at him, he held Jose out like a trophy. "Hey guys, I kicked his ass!" Zeke turned around and launched his boot into Jose's ass, throwing the unconscious wizard back into the building, Zeke listened to the cheers behind him as he surveyed the destruction, "Council's gonna be on our asses about this, aren't they Old Man?" Makarov climbed up onto the roof next to Zeke, "Yes, they are…. Good work Zeke, I'm proud of you." Zeke grinned down at Makarov, "No use wasting my magic on a battle I already won." The older wizard chuckled and wacked him on the back of his head, "Don't be so reckless, you may be immortal but everyone has a weakness." Makarov said wisely, Zeke rubbed his head, "Yeah… I know…."

Zeke sighed, his whole body was in extreme pain as he sat in a Rune Knight tent, _'Damn, I must not have recovered as much as I thought from that guy's_ _ **Rage**_ _magic…'_ he showed no discomfort though as a Rune Knight came in, sitting down across the table from him, "I see you haven't tried any tricks to get out of here." The Knight said, smiling smugly, "No, I have not, I have no need to." Zeke said with a collected voice, "Why, the famous Deathtrap always escapes the Rune Knights, doesn't he?" the Knight wondered, trying to aggravate the Dragon Slayer. "I'm here for interrogation right? What do you want to know?" Zeke asked, slightly irritated at the man's stalling, "Fine, which one of you attacked first? Phantom Lord or Fairy Tail?" the Knight asked, "Phantom." Zeke answered quickly, "Alright, stay here." The Rune Knight left, leaving Zeke alone in the tent, "Fucking bastards…" he tugged on the magic canceling cuff that bound him to the chair, his other wrist had a needle in it that ran a red liquid into his arm. "If I had recovered enough, this stupid cooling magic wouldn't affect me!" Zeke growled, tugging on the other restraint, "Damn it all….." he started straining against the restraints, his muscles bulging through his suit, eventually his left hand popped off, sliding onto the floor before he reached down and reattached it. "Should've restrained me better." Zeke commented with a grin, melting the other restraint off and pulling the needle out, he got up and grabbed his gear on the other side of the tent before taking a deep breath, _'Alright, this is gonna suck.'_ He breathed out before bolting out the door.

"HEY, GET BACK HERE!" a Rune Knight shouted, Zeke grinned wildly as he bolted away from the camp, "Stop him!" he watched them set up a trap spell in front of him, _'Trapping spells only work for them if they stay in formation…'_ Zeke watched them set it wide, trying to keep him from going around. He stopped dead and pulled a grenade from his belt, pulling the pin and tossing it at one half of the formation, "Flashbang!" the grenade let off a blast of light, breaking the formation as Zeke bolted through. "See ya losers!" the Magma Slayer laughed insanely as he left the Rune Knights in the dust, "YOU DUMBASSES WILL NEVER CATCH ME!" the Knights shouted random curses at Zeke, "YEP, FUCK YOU GUYS TOO!" he responded, leaving a trail of dust behind him.

ANNNNND ITS DONE, this is what you get, if you want to know what took so long, look at my profile.

See you next time with more Deathtrap!

That's better…

Me: Hey Zeke… happy now?

Zeke: Yes, what are you posting next?

Me: Probably The Ultimate Dragon or maybe The Color of Blood, why?

Zeke: DO THE OTHER ONE!

Me: OK OK OK OK!


	9. Catch The Reference

Chapter 9:

Catch The Reference

"Talk" _'Think'_ **"Dragon/demon speech" 'Dragon/demon thoughts'** _ **"Spells"**_

We find our beloved Zeke sitting atop the structure of the partly rebuilt guildhall, a little juice box in hand as he welded beams together, "So, why is Zeke welding beams together?" Gray asked Makarov as they watched Zeke. "The steel will hold better in the long run, right Zeke!?" Makarov called up, "That's right Old Man! Jet fuel won't melt these steel beams!" Zeke yelled back, "What?" Gray wondered, "Nothing!" Zeke yelled, going back to welding, "Aw shit! I'm out of juice!" he yelled, another juice box hit him in the head and he caught it. Zeke looked down to find Ur standing there with a smile, "Another one!" another juice box hit him in the head, "Another one!" again, juice box off the head, "Another one!" he called, "HOW MANY DAMN JUICE BOXES DO YOU NEED!?" Ur finally shouted, "A case!" Zeke shouted back and just as he wanted, a case of juice slammed into him and threw him off the structure. *WHAM* Zeke smashed into the ground and broke his spine, "Owie… you didn't have to hit me so hard with it!" he shouted, realigning his spine and standing up, "Sorry, you wanted a case of juice." Ur said, going back to the work she was doing, "Sorry, you wanted a case of juice, mehhhh!" Zeke mimicked, picking up his juice and wall running back up to his position.

After working till the sun started to set, Zeke sat on the far side of the building, watching the sun set, down by the beach he noticed someone sitting in the sand and leap off the guild hall, landing silently on the sandy shoreline. "Beautiful sunset isn't it?" Zeke asked, sitting down next to them, "Yeah… it is…" they mumbled, "So, why are you sitting alone down here?" he asked, pulling the hood of their cloak down, "NO, I don't want you to see me Zeke!" she yelled, keeping her hood up, "Hailey, don't worry about it, what do you think I'm going to do? Leave? Make fun of you? I'd rather permanently die, let me see." Zeke told her, slowly bringing the hood back down. "They hit me so hard that sometimes, I thought I might never see again… or live…" Hailey whispered, her face was quite bruised and her left eye was black, her forehead had bandages around it, "I went to see the old lady Makarov never told me about but I knew about her from being around here before. She gave me this stuff." Zeke said, pulling out a small bottle, he undid the cork and undid the glove on his suit, pouring some of the gel onto his finger. He proceeded to put little dabs on her bruises and her eye, everything slowly healed back to normal, "There, perfect." Zeke grinned, putting the bottle back into his belt and fixing his glove, he then pulled a giant wall mirror out and set it in front of Hailey, "Zeke…. Thank you." She sniffled, looking at her reflection, "It's actually a one way mirror window, hang on." Zeke adjusted the mirror a bit and then sunlight came through, illuminating her brightly, "There, just like an angel." Zeke commented, smiling broadly, tears streamed down her face, "Zeke, you're the best, like the brother I never had… thank you so much, I love you!" Hailey ran over and hugged Zeke. "We're talking brotherly love right?" Zeke asked, "Yes you dummy, I like younger guys." Hailey giggled, "Good cause I like older women." Zeke sighed in relief, hugging her back, he had let go of the mirror and it fell over, shattering on the tiniest of pebbles on the beach, "Damn it." He cursed, pulling out a vacuum and cleaning up the broken glass, Hailey looked extremely confused, "Why do you just have these things?" she asked, "Emergency purposes! Never go anywhere without everything you own being shoved up your ass or wherever you keep it! In my case, I got my belt." Zeke explained, stuffing the vacuum into his belt. Hailey sighed and just started walking away, "What?" Zeke asked, following after her, "You're such a weirdo…" she sighed, "Hey, you're stuck with me now!" Zeke laughed, he bothered her the whole way back to his apartment.

"UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WERE IS THIS GUY!?" Zeke screamed, sprinting through the streets of Magnolia-

"Shouldn't you explain why I'm doing this?"

No, I don't need to if people already know what happens.

"I will then, see an hour after I reached my place, Natsu came out of god knows where and told me our guild member Loke was out and about, saying he had quit the guild, me being me decided I should question him myself!"

Goddamn it, back to what's happening.

As Zeke sprinted through the streets, he came upon a remote trail, stopping in his tracks he started sniffing the air, "That way!" he bolted down the trail, a sudden burst of magical light in the distance reinforced his resolve to get there, speeding up his already abnormal sprinting speed. When he stopped, he found a large waterfall with a long spike extending into the center, from the spike came Lucy, "Shit, what did I miss!?" Zeke shouted, "Nothing, Loke's safe, come one Zeke, let's head back, thanks for helping." Lucy said, walking past him, "Ughh, I wasted so much energy to get here, I'm teleporting, bye!" Zeke vanished in a teleport, leaving Lucy to walk all the way back, "W-WOW! You couldn't even ask if I wanted to go with you!?"

 _The Very Next Day…_

Zeke went over to the job board as he partially listened to Loke talking behind him, he browsed several jobs before settling on one, "Du du du du, ba du baaa!" he sang, holding the flyer up to Makarov before going to fetch his team. "Zeke, when do I get my explanation?" Makarov called, "When I get to explaining. See ya!" Zeke called back, finding Ur and Hailey at a table, "Heeyy! I found a job we can do, let's go!" he slapped the flyer down in front of them, "Can you read? It says one wizard only." Ur pointed out the really fine print near the bottom, "Fuck… stupid septic eye… I mean, Solid Eye. Damn it Jack…" Zeke mumbled to himself. "What?" Ur asked, "Nothing… I guess one of you can go then…" Zeke sighed, sitting down next to them, "No, you go Zeke, Ur and I are going shopping!" Hailey exclaimed with stars in her eyes, "Okay… SEE YOU LATER THEN!" Zeke grabbed the flyer and bolted off, coincidentally running in the same direction Natsu and his team went in, "Did that flyer have the same resort on it as the one Loke sent Lucy and the others to?" Ur wondered, "I don't know! Let's go shopping!" Hailey responded, tugging on Ur's wrist, "Okay, okay!" they headed off into town, noting the dust trail exiting the city.

 _A Few Days Later…_

Zeke tripped on a rock as he entered the lobby of a resort hotel with a casino, several people watched the eccentric man bounce off the floor and land roughly with his back bent over the lobby counter. "I'm here for this job." Zeke announced, holding the flyer over the counter, looking up at the man behind it, "Sir, are you okay?" the man asked, "Yep, never better! Now what do I do? This thing said it needed some welding done and some other… stuff…" Zeke said, reading the flyer upside down. "Ah, perfect! Come with me then!" a different looking employee exclaimed, his tag read "Jon" and he had a red vest unlike the other blue vests, "Jon? Are you some supervisor?" Zeke asked, standing up off the counter, "Yes I am! Please, come with me mister….?" Jon trailed off, "Call me Deathtrap." The lobby went silent after the mentioning of Zeke's famous title, "O-Oh… it's nice to meet you Mr. Deathtrap… please, come with me…" Jon said shakily, leading Zeke outside and into a construction zone, "I didn't think the famous mercenary Deathtrap would work for Fairy Tail, it's surprising to say the least." Jon commented, "I know, weird right? I don't know how it happened either but, can't say I hate it!" Zeke exclaimed, grinning stupidly. "Right…" Jon sweat dropped, "Okay, all you need to do is weld all of these beams together, our welder quit and we couldn't find another one so we sent out that flyer…" he explained, gesturing to the large structure they now stood under. "Okey dokey! I'll be done in a jiffy!" Zeke exclaimed, jumping up the structure, "I'll be down here supervising!" Jon called up, waving as he went to sit down, "Welding, welding, I weld you face together and your ass apart!" Zeke sang, starting his welding, "WELDING!"

Several grueling hours later after listening to Zeke sing as he welded, Jon handed the insane Magma Slayer his payment, "Four hundred thousand Jewel… thank you Mr. Deathtrap…" he muttered, "Thanks! Have a good one!" Zeke started walking away, "Kill me…." Jon fell over on the bench, "Nope!" Zeke shouted back, "UGGHHHHHHHHH!"

Zeke smiled as he counted his money, stuffing it in his belt afterwards, he was about to leave when a certain sound reached his ear, "Casino…" he started wandering towards the casino-

Yes my poor readers, Zeke has a gambling problem…

"No, I like to gamble a little."

He blew fifty thousand Jewel on a vending machine.

"It was thirty!"

Close enough.

"Shut up!"

No, what about the time you blew six hundred thousand Jewel on a rigged carnival game?

"WE AGREED TO NOT SPEAK OF THAT!"

Yeah… okay…

Zeke sat down at a blackjack table, his eye alight with excitement, "Deal me in!" he announced, he spun in a circle and all of his gear and his suit vanished, being replaced by a nice black suit and a red tie, his hair slicked back and a normal eye patch on. "Sure thing!" the dealer exclaimed, tossing cards down for Zeke, "Hmm…" Zeke took a hard look at his cards, the other two players were taking their sweet time, "Zeke?" one asked, "Huh? OH HEY ERZA!" he shouted, "Hi…" Erza mumbled, "Oh, and Lucy!? What are you two doing here?" Zeke asked, grabbing a drink off of a random tray that walked past. "Loke gave us tickets to go here with Natsu and Gray, what about you?" Lucy asked, "I did a job here, it said I could stay if I wanted to for a day so, I'm gonna win some more money!" Zeke cheered, chugging his glass, they smiled before going through their turns, Lucy busted, Erza stayed and Zeke…. "BLACKJACK!" he yelled, slamming on the table with glee. "AW YEAH!" Zeke got up and danced a bit before spinning back into his seat, "Damn! I knew I was good! Wait a second…" he stopped moving and stared at Lucy and Erza, "I can't believe it… I didn't notice how hot you two looked… I have dishonored myself…" he drooped in gloom. "Oh… it's okay, and thank you." Erza patted his shoulder, "Mehhhh….." Zeke whined, "Dealer switch…" he looked up and saw a blond, tan guy replace their dealer, "Hey Sister, we're going to play a game of…" he tossed out cards that spelled the word "Death" on them. "Sho?" Erza mumbled, staring at the new dealer with fear, "Hey, chop-chop! We got a game going!" Zeke exclaimed, slightly annoyed by the delay, "Just wait, I'll deal you your cards." Sho said, waving Zeke off, "Really? Then JUST DO IT!" Zeke yelled, flexing his arms down. "Sho, I- how did you…?" Erza stuttered, "Don't worry Erzy! We'll be heading home soon!" a different voice exclaimed, "Milliana!?" Erza cried, the cat-like girl tied restraints around Lucy's wrists, the two ignored Zeke, "What the fuck is going on?" Zeke asked, right before he heard anything else a bright flash went off, he reopened his eyes to find the ceiling. "What the fuck!?" he shouted, he watched the room go dark before coming back on, "Wha-? Where am I!?" Zeke screamed, he punched an invisible barrier, "Oh… that bastard used some card magic to stick me in a card… well, that won't stop me." Zeke grinned before spinning around again, he was then in his normal attire with the edition of a pink mustache that curled on the ends, "Damn it, I didn't want my damn warfstache!" he yelled, removing the fake mustache and putting it in his belt. "Now then…"

On the outside of the cards, Lucy got out of her restraints and was chasing after Natsu who had took off without her, slowly but surely one of the cards started glowing a bright yellow-orange before exploding with a massive magma column, "GRUAAAAAAAA!" Zeke yelled, his magma dying down, he broke free of the card and melted the ceiling of the casino. "Fucking queers! Locking me in a card! You'll eat shit for this one!" Zeke screamed, bolting out of the casino, right past Lucy, "What the? Zeke!?" she exclaimed, watching the insane man part the ocean with his speed and rage, the water steamed as he ran through it, "How…? How is he parting the sea?"

Zeke stopped running and kicked up a massive dust ball on the beach of an island, "What is this? The beach of Normandy?" he asked, seeing all of the armed men and barricades, "Whatever, time to kick some ass!" he charged the men that had started charging him and drew his Howitzer, "BYE BYE BITCHES!" he blew them away, destroying a part of the tower with them. "Hehehe… DIE QUEERS DIE!" he yelled in a southern accent, reloading his cannon and blowing away more cultist looking dudes, he put away the Howitzer before heading into the tower, jumping through the massive structure and blowing walls up with C4, he found himself in a massive room with several large bird cages. "HOOO HOOO!" someone yelled, Zeke ducked under a man with a jetpack, "HOO HOO! I am the great knight of JUSTICE Fukuro! You are the evil mercenary Deathtrap! I will defeat you in the name of JUSTICE!" an owl headed man shouted, landing on one of the cages, "HELLO FROM THE OUTSIDE! I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!" Zeke shouted, his body starting to steam, "We'll see now won't we Deathtrap! COME AND FIGHT!" Fukuro screamed, blasting towards Zeke, "GLADY!" Zeke launched off of his platform, shattering it with a sonic boom, "TIME TO GET DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS BIRD BITCH!"

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BOOM CLAP! THE SOUND OF MY HEARTBEAT MAKES ME GO NA NA NA NA NA!

This whole chapter had extremely easy to find references, I shall list them for some may have not found them, they go in this order:

9/11 conspiracy theory, Jet Fuel Can't Melt Steel Beams

DJ Khaled Motivational: Another One

Grand Theft Auto, where does the character store his weapons?

jacksepticeye

JUST DO IT Shia

Markiplier

Moses parting the Red Sea in the Bible

Normandy Invasion during WW2

Homophobic Southern Americans

Adel: Hello

Disturbed: Down with the Sickness

Charli XCX: Boom Clap

See you next time with more Deathtrap!

Zeke: That was amazing!

Me: I know right?

Zeke: Yes, I have to give you credit here, I love you!

Me: Okay… thanks.

Zeke: I'll take it!

Me: Okayyyyyy….


	10. Where's My Boomstick?

Chapter 10

Where's My Boomstick?

Zeke grabbed Fukuro by his beak and clung to the birdman while he flew, "HOOO! Let go of me!" Fukuro yelled, trying to wrestle Zeke off, "Fine, here's a parting gift." Zeke groaned, pulling the pin on a grenade and sticking it the jetpack, he back flipped off of Fukuro and landed on a cage platform. "HOOO HOOO!" Fukuro screamed, clawing at the beeping grenade stuck on his back, "If only I could get a sticky grenade multi kill, then I'd unlock the bouncing betty…" Zeke mumbled to himself, watching the bird man explode in midair and fly into a cage, "Oh, he blew up… is he dead?" Zeke wondered, jumping over to the destroyed cage. "No, he's alive…" Zeke said as the smoke cleared, "But knocked the fuck out! Hahaha!" he laughed, seeing the out cold bird man, "Alrighty then, onto the next dickhead." Zeke abruptly left the room, heading down a hallway into a dining room…

"Let's see here, what's behind door number one!?" Zeke shouted, kicking a door open, he found himself in a room full of cultist guards, "Well shit. Where's my boomstick?" he wondered, searching through compartments on his belt as the cultists got ready to attack him. "Here we are." Zeke smiled as he pulled a large metal rod from his belt, pointing it at the cultists, "What's that gonna do for you?" one of them asked, "As the name implies, it goes boom." Zeke answered, pressing a button on the stick, the end exploded with enough force to blast all of the cultists out of the building in a rain of exploded metal shards and stone. Zeke found himself on the other side of the hallway, stuck in the wall from the recoil of the blast, "Damn, used my only boomstick…" he grumbled, pulling himself free of the wall and continuing down the hallway. "What's behind door number two!?" Zeke kicked open another door to see a single bathroom with a cultist on the toilet, "I'm seriously questioning the sanity of the author right now…" Zeke muttered as he kicked the cultist in the head, leaving him knocked out on the toilet. "I mean really, where does he come up with this shit? BRUH!" Zeke shouted, coming to a third door, "And behind door number three!" he kicked that one open as well, finding a very cat themed room, "Now this is a part of the original story and not random shit that is specifically made for the entertainment of the readers." Zeke-

How about you shut the fuck up?

"How about I don't?"

Just quit making fourth wall breaking comments, it's annoying for fucks sake!

"Fine, asshole."

Zeke just sighed at the cat themed room and moved on, before he could, a laser blew his head off from behind, making his body front flip and hit the floor with a crash, "What a dandy!" a blocky man exclaimed, his arm changing from a gun back to his hand, "Good shot Wally!" a cat-like girl exclaimed, "Thanks Milliana!" Wally replied, turning to face her. "AHHHIIIIIEEEEE!" Milliana screamed and pointed past Wally, the block man turned around and his jaw dropped, Zeke was standing with his back turned towards them, his hair regrew and he rolled his shoulders, cracking them sharply. "You wouldn't have done that if you knew who you were dealing with." Zeke said dangerously, turning to glare at the two with his good eye, "That was my only Solid Eye, do you know how expensive it is to make one of those?" he asked, drawing his right hand sword and turning around, his solid grey left eye open, making the two cringe. "That's not dandy…" Wally muttered, looking at Zeke's dead eye, "I know, how do you think I got it?" Zeke asked, giving his sword a light swing, "A fucking clown gouged it out!" he continued, not waiting for an answer, stabbing the wall next to him. "Zeke?" Erza's voice wondered, Zeke turned around and saw the woman behind him, "Oh, hey Erza…" Zeke muttered, sheathing his sword, "Wally? Milliana?" she wondered, seeing the two across from Zeke. "Erzy… you know this… freak?" Milliana asked, still shaken by Zeke, "Yes, his name is Zeke, or Deathtrap as he's known by." Erza said, coming up and putting a hand on Zeke's shoulder, "Deathtrap… oh crap, he's not dandy at all!" Wally yelled, taking off down the hall, "Wally! Wait!" Erza shouted, Milliana meowed sharply in fear and followed Wally. "It's fine Erza, I don't care that they ran off, most do when they here that name. To them I'm probably a dangerous psychotic murderer." Zeke sighed, reaching into one of his belt compartments and pulling out a normal eye patch with a red skull on it. "Why would they think you are?" Erza asked, watching Zeke put on the eye patch, "Because that's what I used to be…" he replied, turning to face away from her, "But enough about me, what's going on here?" Zeke asked, drawing his revolver from its holster and checking the chamber. "Um, oh, come on, I'll explain when we meet up with everyone else." Erza said, taking the lead down the hallway, "Sounds good…" Zeke sighed, holstering his pistol and following after her…

"That's one way to fuck up someone's child hood." Zeke muttered as he walked up a staircase-

"You never explained what's happening."

I shouldn't need to if people watched the show

"But what if they didn't?"

Then why are they reading this?

"Good point, but, what's happing is that Erza's old boyfriend Jellal is trying to resurrect Zeref and shit, and the Magic Council bastards are gonna blow up the tower with Etherion! YAY!"

Done?

"Yes."

As Zeke walked up, he could see the clouds parting, "Erza ran off to fight that idiot herself when a perfectly capable me is right here… personal vendetta bullshit…" he muttered, kicking a stone off of the staircase as light started pouring from the sky. "I'm sure this isn't going to end well." Zeke sighed, waiting for whatever was to come as the light got brighter and brighter, "Oh boy."

The initial blast sent waves across the ocean, shaking the earth violently, as Zeke opened his eye after the light died down, he could see crystal all over the place, "The tower was built to harvest magic… it's a giant lacrima…" he mumbled to himself, standing up on the now crystal staircase. "So, he's planning to use the tower to resurrect Zeref? Clever, but I wonder what happens if I start breaking shit?" Zeke wondered, drawing his right sword, an explosion went off on the top of the tower, raining down shards of crystal, "Seems like Natsu's already fighting Jello, time to go to work!" Zeke shouted, stabbing his sword into the tower and cracking it…

Natsu glared at Jellal, his flames engulfing him, "Don't you see how foolish it is to try and stop me? You'll never win Natsu!" Jellal yelled, readying a spell, that's when the tower beneath them fell several hundred feet, crashing into the rest of the tower below, making Natsu and Jellal face plant into the ground. "What the hell happened!?" Jellal screamed, standing up with a rage filled expression, "I cut out two hundred feet of your tower, making it a bit shorter." Zeke's voice explained as he landed in front of Jellal. "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?" Jellal screamed, his magic exploding around him, "I'm Deathtrap." Zeke said coolly, heating the area around him, "Deathtrap? The one eyed killing machine? The man who murdered a whole village of people? Wanted by six different countries for murder and assault?" Jellal questioned, making Zeke glare intensely at him. "I put my past behind me, while it's haunting and may never leave me… I'm not who I used to be." Zeke said, his hands dripping with magma, "But you reminded me of something… I used this on someone not too long ago, my special form of Martial Arts, it involves kicking you ass, literally!" he launched forward, his legs coated in hot magma, Jellal readied himself, taking a wide stance. "My form of Taekwon-Do, Heat Edge!" Zeke shouted, he stopped on his left foot, launching off of the floor and spinning in midair, bringing his right heel to the side of Jellal's head, kicking him away with a burn on his head, "How did you like that?" Zeke asked, landing on the ground with a grin, Jellal burst from the rubble of the wall he hit. "You bastard… you won't surprise me again." Jellal growled, he grinned and started glowing before taking off like a rocket, **_"Meteor!"_** he shouted, flying around Zeke with a laugh. "Try and catch me you fool!" Jellal yelled, taking potshots at Zeke who managed to block them effectively, _'Hmmm, should I shoot him?'_ Zeke thought, blocking a kick with his own, _"He seems really strong Zeke…"_ Zeya said, making Zeke blink and take a kick to the face, "Agh! Dammit!" Zeke shouted, watching Jellal float in front of him, "How's your own medicine taste?" Jellal asked with a smug grin. "HAVE A TASTE OF MINE!" Natsu shouted, launching out of nowhere and punching Jellal in the face, "Oh, I forgot about you." Zeke said, cracking his nose back into place, "Yeah, I'm still here." Natsu said as he landed, "AHHH! THAT'S IT! I'M KILLING ALL OF YOU!" Jellal screamed as he burst from his second rubble pile. The Wizard Saint formed a massive black ball of magic that slowly sucked in everyone's shadows, "This spell… oh shit!" Zeke shouted, tackling Natsu behind some crystal boulders, "What about Erza!?" Natsu yelled, Zeke looked over and saw Erza still lying on the ground, "What the fuck!? Why is she- DAMMIT!" Zeke got up and sprinted for Erza, "Ahahaha! **_Altairis!"_** Jellal launched the swirling ball of darkness as Zeke slid to a stop in front of Erza. "Zeke! That could actually kill you!" Erza shouted, getting up but stumbling to her knees, "I know… let it be. Don't worry about me." Zeke grinned over his shoulder, a small magic circle on his right hand, "ZEKE!" Erza shouted at the sphere neared him, **_"Magma Dragon's Secret Art…"_** Zeke started, facing the spell as it got closer. "What the!?" Zeke exclaimed as someone darted in front of him, taking the spell head on as it exploded, "SIMON!" Erza screamed as the man with the metal jaw fell over, heavily wounded from the spell that he blocked. "Ah… haha, AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Jellal laughed, "What a fool! Jumping in front of my attack to save his friend!" he shouted, still laughing loudly, "Simon!" Erza kneeled down before her friend, holding his hand as he smiled a tear dripping from her eye. Zeke just glared at Jellal, his eye patch had an orange glow beneath it, _"Zeke… why are you so angry?"_ Zeya asked in his head, _'That rat bastard… he made a woman cry…'_ Zeke thought, the air around him heating up, "Jellal!" he shouted, walking towards the blue haired man, his footsteps melting the crystal beneath him a bit. "What do you want?" Jellal asked, "Look at what you just did… do you feel accomplished? Does that man's death make you feel good? Does making Erza cry make you feel like a man?" Zeke questioned, grabbing his eye patch as an equally angry and flaming Natsu stood next to him. "And if it does?" Jellal asked, glowing with magic, "Well, we'll just have to make you feel like a little… bitch." Zeke growled, tearing his eye patch off and exploding with magic pressure, "Come on then! I'll kill both of you!" Jellal shouted, "Ready Natsu?" Zeke asked, a black slit appearing on his lacrima eye and turning to look at Natsu, "Yep." Natsu answered, his flames roaring. **_"Meteor!"_** Jellal launched at them, a crazed look on his face, **_"Dragon Slayer Secret Art: Unison Raid, Hell Force!"_** Zeke shouted, both him and Natsu exploded with power, going into their respective Dragon Force modes, Natsu was the first to strike, punching Jellal out of the air and into the ground, cracking it severely. "You… how are you so…? Oh shit…" Jellal mumbled as he stood up, "The true power of Dragon Slayers… Dragon Force…" he breathed, his eyes wide and his body trembling, "That's right. Now then, we'll proceed with your ass kicking." Zeke grinned, launching forward and side kicking Jellal towards a wall, Natsu came up from behind, kicking Jellal back towards Zeke who kicked the man back towards Natsu. It was like that for two minutes, constantly knocking Jellal back and forth like a game of ping pong, magic attacks were thrown in every so often to burn and char him, eventually Natsu couldn't retain his Dragon Force and fell to his knee, allowing Jellal to pass over him and hit the wall. "Dammit, I was winning that game!" Zeke shouted, his own Dragon Force fading as he stumbled and leaned on a crystal, "Well, he's down for the count…" Natsu said, standing up a bit, "Yeah, that was fun…" Zeke breathed, the tower the shifted and rumbled. "Of course, now I remember why I was in a rush to kick his ass! The tower's gonna blow since the magic can't be contained!" Zeke shouted, getting up and running over to Erza, Natsu trailing behind, "Natsu, get Erza off of this tower. I'll find a way to contain the blast." Zeke ordered, picking Erza up and handing her to Natsu. "How will you do that!?" Natsu shouted, "I don't know! Trust me! I'll make it back!" Zeke grinned, he pushed Natsu towards the edge of the tower, "Don't jump, I've got this." Zeke said, he pulled out a large cannon, "This ought to get you near the beach, hop in!" he yelled, lighting the fuse on the cannon, Natsu jumped in and it fired him off the tower, leaving Zeke alone. _"Zeke… I'm scared… what if we don't survive?"_ Zeya asked, a ball of orange light came out of Zeke's left eye, "We will. As long as I figure out how to not blow up…"

Natsu washed up on the beach with Erza, he collapsed onto his knees, letting her lay in the shallow water, "Thank you Natsu… now let's hope Zeke's not as dumb as he acts…" she mumbled, laying the Dragon Slayer in her lap, letting him rest. "He'll be fine… trust me." Natsu chuckled, they watched the tower become engulfed in magma shooting up from the earth, it hardened and created a tall rectangular structure, after a few moments, it shattered, raining chucks of dark rock into the ocean, along with a glimmer of white hair that fell into the ocean…

"Zeke! Where are you!?" Natsu shouted, everyone was searching the beach for Zeke, hoping he would turn up, or at least part of him, "Zeke!" Erza shouted, she saw a glimmer from a rock outcrop and headed for it, "Hehe… I'm not strong enough to pull myself off of this rock…" Zeke chuckled, poking the spike he was impaled on with his sword. "Zeke! I thought you were dead!" Erza shouted, hugging the part of Zeke that wasn't impaled, "You know what? My left side is thinner here, just cut that part and I'll be free." Zeke said, trying to cut the part of his body, he couldn't reach around the large rock too well though. "Oh, okay… you sure?" Erza asked, "Yeah, just do it and I can get up and heal." Zeke said, handing her his sword, "Okay, here goes…" Erza slashed away the thin part of Zeke's flesh, freeing him from the rock as he stood up and regenerated. "Thanks… I need some food." Zeke said, taking his sword back and sheathing it, Erza just laughed a bit as she watched him walk away, "What an idiot… don't ever die on me Zeke…" she mumbled, smiling happily. "WHERE'S THE FUCKING TOILET!?" Zeke shouted, walking back into the resort hotel, making everyone laugh as they followed him inside, "I'M SERIOUS! I'VE BEEN HOLDING A SHIT SINCE I FELL OUT OF THAT TOWER!" he shouted again, Erza just shook her head as she jogged back to the beach resort, "I'M FUCKING HUNGRY TOO! WHERE'S THE FOOD!?"

9u4ogewfhdoaslfhnewouaslkfhxncudsalhfnucwidsjxhfnudks

Sorry for the long wait, stuff should come out sooner if I'm not a dickhead about it.

See you next time on Deathtrap!

I'm really hungry, why did you have to leave it off there!?

Me: Here's a burrito.

Zeke: Oh shit! I love burritos!

Me: What an idiot…


	11. Fun Pandas

Chapter 11

Fun Pandas

"Ooooooooo! Shiny new guild hall!" Zeke exclaimed as he ran into the new guild hall, "Zeke!" Hailey exclaimed, crashing into him and hugging him. "I was so worried when you didn't come back!" Hailey cried, "Hey, hey, hey!" Zeke shouted, crouching down to her level, "I'm here now aren't I?" he asked with a grin, "Yeah… I was just worried, that's all…" Hailey mumbled, wiping her eyes. "I was worried too Zeke." Ur said as she approached, "Sorry guys, I didn't mean to make you worry about my stupid ass." Zeke chuckled as he stood up, "Well we did." Ur said, hugging Zeke, he grew a lecherous look and giggled. "I always love the feeling of your boobs…" Zeke mumbled with a bit of a nose bleed, "That's your reward for coming back alive." Ur said with a smile, "Yay…" Zeke stumbled away as she let go, his eye glazed over, Ur giggled at his behavior. "Zeke, good to see you." Makarov said as Zeke face planted on the bar top, "Sup?" Zeke asked, turning his eye towards the guild master, "I think we should discuss something together, come to my office." Makarov said with a knowing look. "Okay…" Zeke sighed, he then got onto the bar and climbed up onto the second floor railing, Makarov sighed as he walked up the stairs, "You could've used the stairs…" he sighed again, "Nah, I'm good." Zeke said with a grin. "Of course you are…" Makarov sighed as he entered his office, Zeke flipped in behind him and closed the door.

"So Zeke, I think it's about time you told me about how you nearly annihilated an entire town." Makarov said as he sat on his desk, "Ah yes, when I faced off against Rango Rampage…" Zeke trailed off as he kicked back in a chair. "Rango Rampage? The only known _**Rage Magic**_ user?" Makarov questioned, "Yes sir! It started normal, we arrived at the town, little kid led us into it and the bandits ambushed us, Ur and Hailey took out the majority and I wiped the floor with the last of them." Zeke explained, tossing a smoke grenade around. "Then Mr. Rampage reared his ugly head. Now then Master Makarov, I think I should start with a story before I tell you the rest of the details…"

 _Flashback…_

A very young Zeke Hellvent sat in a lonely dark room, he wore a little blue robe and that was it, he didn't have an eye patch, showing the scar from his eyebrow, down his eyelids and onto his cheek. The metal door to his room opened and a man came in, he had long white hair and dark skin with dark beady eyes, "Hey there little Dragon Slayer, my name is Brain. What's yours?" Brain asked, smiling at Zeke. "Zeke Hellvent, it's the name Hellvinard gave me." Zeke said quietly, looking at Brain with a dead expression, "Do you know why we picked you up out of that forest?" Brain asked, kneeling next to Zeke. "I was a fire hazard and you said you'd help me control my Dragon Slaying magic." Zeke stated monotonously, "And we will, I'm with the Magic Council's Bureau of Magical Development and we can give you something to control that power of yours…" Brain trailed off with a grin. "Okay…" Zeke said quietly, "Come, we need to teach you how to fight first." Brain said, holding his hand out, Zeke looked at it before placing his pale one in Brain's…

 _Months Later…_

Zeke clashed his two wooden short swords with a Rune Knight's sword and knocked him over easily, "Good! Good! You've become a great swordsman in such a short time… come, it's time for us to help you with your power." Brain said as he approached. The Rune Knight bowed and left, Zeke dropped the swords and followed Brain out of the training room, "You'll be invincible after this Zeke. Are you excited?" Brain asked, looking down at the boy. "Eh…" Zeke shrugged, "I figured as much…" Brain chuckled, leading Zeke into a white lab room with a metal table, "Climb on and we'll strap you in, it could hurt so we need to be careful." Brain said, Zeke nodded and laid on the table. Masked men in cloaks strapped Zeke into the table and put needles in his arms, "Now then, relax as I turn you into the ultimate weapon!" Brain laughed evilly, flipping a switch near several canisters that contained differently colored energies. "What!?" Zeke shouted, his eyes widening at Brain, before he could try and escape, the energies ran into his arms, Zeke screamed and screamed, his body convulsing in pain, the table beneath him started to melt as his power overflowed. "Hahaha! Accept your fate Zeke! You're now one of my weapons!" Brain shouted, a tattoo started to appear on his head, he then screamed as it burned his skin, **"I WILL NOT LET YOU CONTROL MY SON!"** a voice boomed from Zeke's body, his left eye glowing brightly. "HELLVINARD!" Zeke screamed, his body started becoming covered in magma until he eventually exploded, killing everyone but Brain who was thrown into a wall violently. Zeke stood in the blast center, his left arm was missing but slowly started regenerating, "What have you done to me!?" he yelled, glaring at Brain. "I've improved you Zeke… look, you're invincible!" Brain exclaimed, Zeke noticed his arm regenerating, "You… you've made me into a monster… I'll kill you… one day…" Zeke growled, he kicked Brain in the face and started running away, heading down the hallway of the facility.

"Ultear!" Zeke shouted, kicking a door in, on the bed was a small dark haired girl, "Zeke? What happened? Where's your arm!?" Ultear yelled, running up to the bleeding boy. "I'll be fine, Brain made me into some monster… we need to leave!" Zeke shouted, grabbing Ultear's hand, "No! My mom has to come back for me!" Ultear yelled, pulling her hand away. "Ultear!" Zeke growled, "Where's the kid!? Find him!" a voice shouted, Zeke looked at Ultear before taking off down the hall, _'Dammit… fine, if she wants to be turned into a monster for Brain's plans then fine!'_ he thought, blowing a wall apart and leaving the facility, disappearing into the cold terrain…

 _Flashback end…_

Makarov sat silently in thought as Zeke finished his story whilst working on a new Solid Eye, "Brain is the leader of the Oraciòn Seis… so he's the reason you're immortal." Makarov said quietly, "Yes, and I don't care who says I can't, when I find him, I'm going to kill him." Zeke growled, looking up at Makarov with a glare. "I understand… but I still cannot allow that Zeke." Makarov stated with a stern look, "We'll let the gods decide then, I'll leave him mortally wounded with a chance of survival." Zeke said, going back to work. "So, after murdering hundreds of people in cold blood as I looked for Brain, I came to the conclusion that the only person who should die should be Brain. I then ended up with you guys a year later." Zeke explained, finishing his Solid Eye and swapping it for his eye patch. "Do you think he could fix your immortality?" Makarov asked, "No, I've consulted everyone, including Porlyusica, no one can fix Six Magics Immortality." Zeke said, leaning back in his seat. "Six Magics Immortality? Is that what it's called?" Makarov wondered, "Yes, created from six magics, one being _**Rage Magic.**_ I couldn't tell you what the others are until I encounter them." Zeke explained, "Alright… I see. So what happened with Rango?" Makarov asked. "Well, he went full Rage and started fucking me up, when he was about to kill me with his one attack, I took off my Solid Eye and went into Dragon Force for the first time." Zeke explained, tapping on his Solid Eye. "Dragon Force? Does that mean you can enter it willingly?" Makarov asked with surprise, "I guess, why?" Zeke wondered, "Most Dragon Slayers cannot, that lacrima eye of yours must have something to do with it." Makarov concluded, standing up on his desk. "I think so, well, see you later Makarov." Zeke said, getting up and heading for the door, "Zeke, be careful." Makarov said as Zeke grabbed the door handle, "I will."

Zeke sighed as the door closed behind him, he looked to the right to see Ur and Hailey, along with the whole guild behind them, "Um… hey Zeke… we uh…" Ur trailed off when she saw Zeke's angered look. "Eavesdropping… I should've known…" Zeke sighed, he walked over to the railing and vaulted it, landing on the ground with a crunch and then proceeded to leave the guild hall. "You kids should know better." Makarov said with disappointment as he exited his office, watching Zeke leave the guild hall, "And at a time like this, right before the Fantasia Parade." Makarov said with a sigh. "We're really sorry Master… I'll go talk to him!" Hailey announced, heading for the stairs, "Don't child." Makarov said, stopping her, "He'll forgive you, I know he will, don't go after him though…" he explained, heading down the stairs. "But… Zeke…" Hailey mumbled, tearing up, Ur hugged her as the guild walked down the stairs with guilty and disheartened looks, "He'll be okay Hailey, just leave him be like Makarov said." Ur whispered, "We hurt his feelings Ur… we need to apologize!" Hailey cried, grabbing Ur's coat. "Okay, we'll go find him, if he doesn't want to see us then we'll leave him alone." Ur said with a half-smile, "Okay!" Hailey exclaimed as they headed for the guild doors…

Ur and Hailey found Zeke sitting on a rocky outcrop that looked over the city, watching the sun set before him, they didn't say anything and stayed near the trees by the woods. "Are you two going to stand there all night or come sit with me?" Zeke asked suddenly, startling the two girls, "Uh, Zeke…" Ur started, "Well?" he prodded, turning his eye to them with a grin. They smiled a bit and walked up next to him, sitting down on either side of them, Ur put her arms around his neck and Hailey leaned her head on his shoulder, hugging his arms tightly. "Look at that sunset… what a sight… still not as pretty as my teammates though." Zeke said with a grin, "Thank you Zeke…" Ur whispered, kissing his cheek, "Thanks Zeke…" Hailey said with a blush. "You're still a sweetheart no matter what we do to you huh?" Ur asked, "I wouldn't be Deathtrap if I wasn't resilient in my escapades." Zeke said, grinning widely, "You're such a weirdo… do you want to know something?" Ur asked, looking out at the sunset with a frown. "What's that?" Zeke asked, putting his arm around her shoulders, "That girl… Ultear… she was my daughter." Ur said quietly, Zeke's eye widened, "Ultear… your daughter… I knew it!" Zeke shouted, suddenly, "Huh?" Ur made a noise of surprise. "I always got that feeling from you that somehow you were related to her!" Zeke exclaimed, looking at Ur in panic, "And whatever Brain told you was a lie! Ultear is alive Ur! SHE'S ALIVE!" he shouted, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her. "She… she is?" Ur asked in shock, "YES! DAMMIT! If I knew she was your daughter…" Zeke growled, looking down with anger, "Zeke! It's fine! That's all I ever could've hoped for, thank you!" Ur exclaimed in tears, hugging Zeke tightly. "Uh… Zeke, Ur?" Hailey asked, Zeke held a finger up before hugging Ur back, "Zeke… I don't care that you left her there… as long as she's alive I could care less… thank you so much… I… can't thank you enough…" Ur whispered, hugging Zeke tightly. "You don't need to thank me, I didn't do anything but leave her behind." Zeke sighed, Ur pulled back a little and wiped her eyes, "Don't worry about it Zeke… I'm happier than ever, thank you." Ur said with a smile, she leaned in and kissed Zeke. The Dragon Slayer was a bit thrown off but kissed back, wrapping his arms around Ur and leaning into her, she moaned a bit and Zeke took the opportunity to stick his tongue into her mouth. "Uh…" Hailey watched them with a red face, "Oh, oops…" Ur giggled when her and Zeke parted, seeing the flustered Hailey, "LOLZ, let's go home guys!" Zeke laughed, he got up and front flipped off the cliff. "Zeke!" Ur shouted, she leaned over the cliff and saw Zeke laughing as he ran down the side of the cliff, "Fucking idiot…" she sighed, Hailey giggled, "He's a fun idiot…" she got up and started heading back. "That he is…" Ur sighed with a smile, she got up and followed Hailey down the hill towards Magnolia…

 _The Next Day…_

Zeke kicked open the doors to the guild hall, he noticed everyone was overly excited, "What's happening?" he wondered, walking over to his teammates who were sitting with Natsu and his team. "Hey Zeke! What are you doing for the Fantasia Parade!?" Hailey asked excitedly, "Fun Pandas?" Zeke asked, "Huh? What? Fun Pandas?" Hailey asked in bewilderment. "No, the Fantasia Parade you dumbass." Ur said, hitting Zeke over the head, "Owie… I heard Fun Pandas okay!?" he shouted, pouting at Ur, "No you didn't…" she sighed, Zeke drooped, "Dammit… I thought I could steal that silver eyed bastard's joke…" he mumbled, sliding down onto the floor. "Zeke, get off the floor." Ur sighed, "No!" Zeke's muffled voice yelled, his face firmly placed into the floor, "Ugh… whatever, skulk there then…" Ur sighed, Hailey couched down and poked Zeke with her finger. "Hehehehe…." Zeke laughed a bit when Hailey poked his side, "Zeke, are you okay?" she asked, "Yeah…" was his muffled response, she poked him again and he laughed a bit. "Wait a second, are you ticklish?" Hailey wondered, growing a smirk as she poked him again, he twitched and laughed, "No…" Zeke mumbled, Hailey again poked him and he laughed a bit, "Okay fine…" he grumbled, trying to bat her hand away as he stood up. "Zeke's ticklish!" Hailey giggled, still trying to poke Zeke's sides, "Yes I am! Now stop poking me!" Zeke shouted, running away, "Aw! Zeke!" Hailey whined, she chased after him as he ran around the guild hall. "I'm Ezio Auditore!" Zeke shouted in a weird accent as he climbed up the wall and jumped onto the second floor and vaulting tables, "What is he going on about?" Ur wondered, watching Zeke free run around the guild hall. "Who knows with that guy…" Gray sighed, "Should we tell him the Miss Fairy Tail contest is about to start?" Lucy asked, everyone looked at each other before nodding, "It should distract him so that he stops running around." Ur said before grabbing Zeke by the throat as he ran past, allowing Hailey to catch up. "Zeke, quit running around, a contest with hot girls in it is about to start." Ur stated, Zeke looked at her wide eyed, "Is it a bikini contest!?" he shouted with excitement, "I'll be wearing one…" Ur whispered with a smile. "Oh boy… I hope it's skimpy as fuck…" Zeke muttered with a bloody nose, a dazed look on his face, "It is, be sure to vote for me okay?" Ur asked, Zeke nodded dumbly, she dropped him and headed for the stage as everyone was starting to gather in front of it. "Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe….." Zeke laughed as he ran up to the front of the crowd with a camera, "This is going to be great…" he mumbled, "Zeke, what do you think I'd look like in a bikini?" Hailey asked as she stood next to him. "You'd look super cute kid… now let Zeke concentrate on bodacious babes…" Zeke mumbled with a wave, focusing on the stage, Hailey blushed a little, "Thanks Zeke…" she mumbled, "Yeah, yeah… SHHHH! IT'S STARTING!" Zeke whisper yelled as the contest started. "Oh fuck yeah…" blood poured from Zeke's face as he snapped pictures, Cana had come out first and transformed into a bikini, "Papa Zeke is not disappointed…" Zeke mumbled, snapping pictures. "Zeke, something is getting bigger in your suit…" Hailey said, poking Zeke's arm, "Yeah, yeah, don't worry about it…" Zeke said, taking pictures of Juvia who did the same thing yet dedicated her performance to Gray. "Damn… I can't believe that icy bastard gets someone so damn hot…" Zeke grumbled, glaring briefly at Gray before focusing on the next contestant, it was Mira, "Eh, I kept every issue of Sorcerer Weekly that had her photo spread." Zeke said with a shrug. "Um, Zeke, are you a pervert?" Hailey asked, "Yes I am, just so you know, I'm a pervert with standards okay?" Zeke asked, she nodded, "Okay…" Hailey sighed. "OH! OH! OH! Here we go…" Zeke chuckled as Erza walked out onto the stage, "Oh damn… that's a hot outfit…" he mumbled, blood rushed from his nose when he saw Erza in her gothic outfit. People in the crowd slowly moved away from Zeke as he started steaming a bit, his blood boiling as he took pictures, "Zeke, you're letting off a lot of heat…" Hailey pointed out, moving away a bit, "I don't care… who's next?" Zeke wondered, a crazed, lust filled look on his face. "Oh… that was slightly disappointing…" Zeke sighed as he watched Levy walk off the stage, "But dat ass doh…" he mumbled, taking a few pictures, "I bet Gajeel will like these…" he chuckled as the room went quiet. "Huh? HOLY COCKS!" Zeke shouted, Ur had come out on stage, she was wearing a thin white swim suit that only went over the peaks of her breasts and down in between her legs, leaving most of her body exposed and covering her private areas. "Hey Zeke, like what you see?" Ur asked with a smile, getting down on her hands and knees and crawling towards Zeke, the Dragon Slayer nodded furiously as the air around him grew heat waves and a slight tearing sound was heard from his suit. "Hot damn Ur… please keep that and wear it as often as possible…" Zeke mumbled, snapping as many pictures as he could before she got up to exit the stage, "I just might…" she whispered with a giggled, swaying her hips as she left the stage. "I need to go calm down…" Zeke mumbled, looking down at the torn part of his suit, he looked to see if anyone was watching, when he saw no one was he teleported away.

"Ah… much better…" Zeke sighed as he walked back up to the stage just as Lucy's performance was interrupted by someone. A woman in green with glasses had walked in when Lucy was performing, "Looks like she was going to do a cheering bit…" Zeke mumbled, observing Lucy's outfit, "Wait a second!" he exclaimed, his eyes widening in realization as the woman on stage turned Lucy to stone. "YOU COCKTEASE! I WANTED TO SEE THOSE TITS BOUNCE!" Zeke shouted, pointing an accusing finger at the woman who froze Lucy, "What?" she wondered, blinking in confusion at Zeke, everyone sighed at him before Hailey kicked his shin. "OW! What was that for!?" Zeke shouted, "LOOK!" Hailey yelled, Zeke looked to where she was pointing and noticed the frozen Lucy, "Oh, oh shit… well now why'd you go and do that?" Zeke asked dangerously, letting off magic pressure and drawing his swords. "Because Cyclops, we're going to play a little game…" Laxus' voice chuckled, a lightning bolt struck the stage and Laxus appeared from it, "Hey, it's the lightning dude!" Zeke exclaimed, Laxus growled. "My name is Laxus and I'm going to be Fairy Tail's next guild master! These girls are now my hostages…" Laxus started, gesturing to the stage as the curtain rolled back, all of the girls that performed were frozen in stone, including Ur. A deep, guttural growl was heard when Zeke spotted Ur, he let off enough heat to light the floor on fire a bit, "Bad move sparky…" he growled, "Hahaha! You'll have to defeat me and the Thunder Legion if you want them released!" Laxus laughed, he blinked when Zeke appeared next to him and tried to slash him, the swords phased through Laxus though. "A thought projection?" Zeke wondered, jumping off the stage, "Yes! You've got to find me, I'm hidden somewhere in Magnolia, and the city is our battlefield, this is The Battle of Fairy Tail!" Laxus shouted as he and his team disappeared from the stage. "Fairy Tail! Laxus has decided to turn his whole guild against him! FIND HIM!" Makarov shouted, the guild roared and charged out the door with him, everyone but Makarov was able to exit, he hit an invisible barrier. "Master, what's wrong?" Gray asked, turning around on the outside of the barrier, "There's a barrier preventing me from exiting, it must be Freed's doing!" Makarov growled, Natsu tried exiting the guild hall but was also stopped by the barrier, "What the!? Why can't I leave!?" he yelled, punching the barrier. "I guess Laxy doesn't want the most powerful members leaving…" Zeke said as he walked up the barrier, he kicked it and broke his foot, "Really? You can't leave either?" Gray wondered, "Apparently…" Zeke sighed as he foot fixed itself. "Gray, I can't promise it'll be easy, but you have to defeat Laxus!" Makarov exclaimed, looking up at Gray, "I'll defeat him Master, you can count on me…" Gray said as he turned and ran off into the city. "Huh? What!?" Makarov shouted when he saw runes above his head, "He's making them fight each other…" Zeke mumbled with a growl, "Wait a second, no one above eighty years old can exit… or stone statues… then why can't I exit!?" he shouted after reading the runes. "Yeah! Why can't I leave either!?" Natsu yelled, pounding his fist on the barrier, Zeke sheathed his swords and drew his revolver, he fired a shot out the door, the bullet went through the barrier and hit a stone outside. "Seems objects can leave… I have an idea, Natsu!" Zeke exclaimed, grabbing the Fire Dragon Slayer's shoulder, "Yeah?" Natsu responded, "I'm going to stuff myself in my belt, I need you to pick it up and throw it outside okay!?" Zeke asked as he unbuckled his belt and laid it down. "Is that going to work!?" Makarov asked with surprise, "He's pulled bigger out of that thing…" Natsu muttered, watching Zeke stuff himself feet first into a compartment on his belt, "Okay! Throw me!" he shouted, closing the compartment. Natsu picked the belt up and chucked it at the barrier, it went right through and Zeke popped out on the outside, he put his belt back on, "FUCK YEAH!" he yelled, Natsu and Makarov cheered, "Now we have a chance of winning!" Makarov exclaimed with joy. "I thought you were counting on Gray?" Zeke asked, Makarov shrugged, "Eh, I took a shot in the dark there, but you Zeke, you have the power to defeat Laxus! First go deal with Evergreen, she's the one who turned the girls to stone!" Makarov shouted, pointing out to the city. "Alright, I'll go kick her ass and then Laxy, they'll regret the day they crossed into the Deathtrap…" Zeke growled before taking off into the city…

Zeke skidded to a stop when he got caught in another barrier with a Fairy Tail wizard across from him, "Ah shit! I've got to fight Deathtrap!?" the wizard yelled, "Who are you?" Zeke asked, putting his hand on his revolver. "I'm Alzack, I-I need to save Bisca but… I guess you're going to stop me…" Alzack muttered, "What are the rules… only one is allowed to leave… I get it!" Zeke exclaimed, he then promptly put his revolver to his head and blew his brains out, his body hit the ground with a thud. Alzack stared in horror, not noticing that the barrier had fallen, "There we go, see? Now we can leave!" Zeke exclaimed as he got up. "Huh? Oh, I see, you dying counts as my win so the barrier falls, yet you'll recover from any injury!" Alzack exclaimed in realization, "Yeppers! See you later!" Zeke shouted, jumping up onto a building and leaving the scene.

Zeke ran across the rooftops at his max speed, scanning the area for his target, "There you are!" he exclaimed, spotting Evergreen standing over a defeated, stone Elfman, "Suh dude!?" he shouted, jumping off the building and aiming up a kick for her head. "What!? AH!" Evergreen screamed and flew out of the way of Zeke's kick, his foot impacted the ground and shattered it, "Hello, it me from other side!" he chuckled darkly before launching after her. "Humph! You may be some Dragon Slayer but I'm still stronger no matter how you look at it!" Evergreen exclaimed smugly as she dodged Zeke again, "Really? Ever face off against a Dragon?" Zeke asked as he landed on a rooftop. "N-No…" Evergreen answered nervously, slightly unnerved by Zeke's dark smirk, "Here's a little tip, don't." Zeke said as he charged a spell, magma exploding around him, _**Fairy Machine Gun: Leprechaun!"**_ Evergreen exclaimed, shooting her bright magic at Zeke. The Magma Dragon Slayer's magic rose a bit more and his magma blocked her attack, "Nice try. _**Magma Dragon's Scorching Rift!"**_ Zeke shouted, he put his hands together and smashed them into the rooftop, a massive fissure appeared from the point of impact to under Evergreen. Before Evergreen could react, magma exploded from the fissure, "AHHH!" she screamed as she tried to move out of the way, the spell still hit its mark and injured her severely, "How's three thousand degrees feel on the skin?" Zeke asked with a dark grin. "Shut your mouth, _**Fairy Machine Gun: Leprechaun!"**_ Evergreen shouted, she fired more magic bullets at Zeke, he just stood there whistling at the bullets littered him with holes. "H-H-How are you…?" Evergreen stared in awe as Zeke's body and suit repaired themselves, "I'm insane… immortal… a pervert, I am Deathtrap, and you've walked into me." Zeke said with a wicked grin, his magic exploding a bit. _**"Magma Dragon's Ballistic**_ _**Lava Barrage!"**_ Zeke shouted, he held his arms out and magma started flowing off of his arms and shooting towards Evergreen, "AHHHHH!" she screamed as she tried to escape the insanely fast magma streams, she flew around erratically and Zeke followed her easily, hitting her wings and burning them off. Evergreen hit the ground and rolled to a stop right at Zeke's feet, he put his boot on her gut and put his revolver to her head, cocking the hammer back with a resounding click. "Bang!" Zeke chuckled, Evergreen looked into his eye with fear, "W-W-Wait!" she squeaked, "Oh? Have a reason I shouldn't put a fifty caliber bullet through your skull?" Zeke wondered, leaning down with a twisted grin. "Y-Yes, see, I have a remote control on those girls, a-and I'll destroy them if you even move that weapon closer to me!" Evergreen threatened, "I've been around honey, I know when someone is in complete fear for their life, and when they're bluffing to save it…" Zeke trailed off, putting his finger on the trigger, "I'LL RELEASE THEM!" Evergreen screamed, closing her eyes as he pulled the trigger. The gun clicked and Zeke started chuckling, "Hehe, good girl!" he laughed, pulling the gun away and taking his boot off of her stomach, he loaded a round back into the chamber and holstered his gun. "Y-You were bluffing too?" Evergreen asked, getting up onto her knees, "Course I was, I wouldn't dare kill a girl who's as sexy as you." Zeke said with a shit eating grin, Evergreen sighed as she released her spell. "I can't believe I fell for this pervert's bluff…" Evergreen cried to herself, "Now then, lie down and take a nap while I go kick Laxy's ass." Zeke ordered, Evergreen nodded and sat on the ground with a sigh as Zeke walked away. "Um, what is your name, Deathtrap?" Evergreen asked suddenly, making Zeke stop walking, he turned his eye to her with a silly grin, "I'm Zeke Hellvent, the Deathtrap!" he laughed before jumping off of the roof, leaving a stunned Evergreen, "Wow… he's… insane…"

Zeke stood on a tower overlooking the city, "No fucking way…" he muttered, watching thousands of balls with purple spikes appear in the sky, "A _**Thunder Palace!?**_ Is he insane!?" Zeke shouted, _'The only person I know that's pulled this before is the Thunder God… but, he used it to wipe out a demon… Laxus plans on demolishing the city!'_ he thought, scanning the lacrima in the sky. "Shit, this is bad… dammit!" Zeke shouted, diving off the tower into a cart full of hay in the street, he jumped out and started sprinting through the streets. _'FUCK! Where is he!? I can't smell anything with all these people!'_ Zeke thought frantically, _"Zeke, calm down."_ Zeya's voice spoke, Zeke slowed to a walk, _"You're the son of Hellvinard, the Magma Dragon Slayer, the one who takes a dire situation and turns it around, you can do it Zeke!"_ she exclaimed happily, Zeke grinned to himself. _'Thanks Zeya… I didn't realize you were a support system too…'_ Zeke thought jokingly, _"I'm a part of you Zeke, of course I'm going to support you."_ Zeya said, "Yeah… so Laxy, where oh where could you be?" Zeke wondered as he started running again, he ran up to a box and used it to propel himself to a balcony that he climbed onto before climbing onto the roof. Zeke started sprinting across the rooftops, bridging the gaps with a quick leap, an explosion at the cathedral attracted his attention, "There he is!" he shouted, bolting towards the cathedral…

Natsu and Gajeel faced down Laxus, or where Laxus had landed, they waited for the smoke to clear and were shocked to see that Laxus had survived their combined attacks, "HAHAHA! It's going to take more than that to stop me!" Laxus laughed as his power exploded from him. _**"Lightning Dragon's…"**_ Laxus started, shocking Natsu and Gajeel as he grew bigger and a yellow magic circle with a dragon head in it appeared before him, _**"ROAR!"**_ Laxus unleashed a massive twister of lightning from his mouth, at the same time a figure crashed through the window of the cathedral, giving off a lot of heat as he landed with puffed cheeks. _**"Magma Dragon's Roar!"**_ Zeke unleashed his massive stream of magma from his mouth, it connected with Laxus' roar and canceled each other out with a massive explosion, "Who knew Laxy was a Dragon Slayer…" Zeke chuckled as he stood up. "You… so you were the one that defeated Evergreen…" Laxus growled, glaring at Zeke with his white eyes, "Yes I am. Oh wait a moment, is that Dragon Force?" Zeke wondered, looking at Laxus' state, "No, this is just my Dragon Slaying magic and I'm way more powerful than all of you!" Laxus shouted, exploding with magic power. _**"Resounding through the air…"**_ Laxus started his chant, creating a massive ball of lightning above Zeke, "Hehe, okay." Zeke chuckled, _**"The roar of thunder, plunge from the heavens and reap destruction, Raging Bolt!"**_ Laxus unleashed his attack for a second time. Zeke smiled broadly as he reached for his Solid Eye, an orange glow coming from beneath it as he grasped it, "Time to play!"

Laxus watched as the smoke cleared from his attack, through it he saw an orange eye glowing, "Hahahahaha!" a dark chuckle resounded through the cathedral, "No way…" Natsu muttered in awe, watching the smoke clear. "He's alive?" Gajeel wondered in shock, "Not just alive, look at him…" Natsu mumbled, Zeke stood in the clearing smoke, his right eye shadowed by his hair, his left eye was open and glowing orange from beneath the shadow. "Dragon Force…" Gajeel mumbled, seeing Zeke in his most powerful state, heat flowing off of him and nearly melting the ground, "Dragon Force?" Laxus wondered, looking at Zeke curiously. "A state which Dragon Slayers can achieve that makes them extremely close to that of a Dragon with magic power and physical strength of which only seen in Dragons…" Gajeel explained, he grabbed Natsu and pulled him away from Zeke. "So what? He's a bit stronger now, what's that got to-GUAHH!" Laxus was interrupted when Zeke appeared before him and punched him in the stomach, sending him into the organ across the cathedral. "You talk too much…" Zeke said with a deathly cold tone, he put his Solid Eye away on his belt as a black slit appeared in his left eye, **"I'm going to silence you."**

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DUNNN, DUNNN, DUNNN!

OH, WHAT HAPPENED YOU ASK!?

Find out next time on Deathtrap!

Me: Oh right, he's about to kick ass…


	12. The Rage Within

Chapter 12

The Rage Within

"You're going to silence me!? I'd like to see you try!" Laxus roared, gathering lightning in his hands, Zeke smiled, **"I will."** Zeke said, his voice was almost demonic as it echoed a bit, Natsu and Gajeel looked on in awe while also shielding themselves from Zeke's immense power. _**"Lightning Dragon's Iron Fist!"**_ Laxus shouted, rushing forward and swinging his lightning coated fist towards Zeke's face, Zeke simply leaned out of the way and chopped Laxus across the back with his hand, the force broke the sound barrier and sent Laxus into a pillar, destroying it completely. "Ugh… how are you so strong?" Laxus asked, pulling himself free from the rubble as Zeke faced him, **"As Gajeel so kindly explained, Dragon Force, my ultimate ability, though, it's a bit different this time."** Zeke explained, gathering magma in his hands. _**"Magma Dragon's Wing Attack!"**_ Zeke yelled, aiming at Laxus with is attack, _**"Lightning Dragon's Breakdown Fist!"**_ Laxus yelled, countering Zeke's attack with a large fist of lightning, the attacks canceled each other out, through the smoke Zeke lined up a powerful, flying side kick for Laxus' face, it landed and sent Laxus flying into a wall. _**"Magma Dragon's Sonic Lava!"**_ Zeke landed and threw his palm forward, unleashing a sonic blast of magma at Laxus as he dislodged himself from the wall, _**"Lightning Body!"**_ Laxus quickly flew out of the way of the attack. Zeke chuckled and launched toward Laxus, _**"Magma Dragon's Hard Fist!"**_ Zeke shouted, swinging for Laxus with his rock covered fist, Laxus narrowly dodged it and kicked Zeke in the back, knocking him into the floor. Zeke landed on his feet with a crunch and shot back towards Laxus, _**"Lightning Dragon's Heavenward Halberd!"**_ Laxus sent forward his spear of lighting, _**"Magma Dragon's Blazing Javelin!"**_ Zeke threw his own spear midair and it connected with Laxus' spear, again canceling each other out. "I'm done playing! _**Lightning Dragon's Secret Art…"**_ Laxus started, gathering together a massive amount of lighting, **"So am I."** Zeke said from behind Laxus, _**"Magma Dragon's Flaming Pike!"**_ before Laxus could react, Zeke elbowed him in the back with magma, knocking him out of the air and into another pillar, knocking it over as Laxus hit the ground. Zeke landed and dusted his shoulder off, Laxus got up shakily and charged some lightning, shooting it at Zeke in bolt form, Zeke took the attack and simply hit it with a magma covered hand, diffusing the attack. "My lightning… it doesn't affect you, does it?" Laxus asked, **"Bingo. Since my magma is already highly energized it diffuses the energy in your lighting."** Zeke explained, **"Not only that, if I don't use conductive elements in my magma you can't hit me!"** he added with a laugh, knocking away another blast of lightning. "Shit… _**Lightning Dragon's Roar!"**_ Laxus yelled, blasting his roar attack at Zeke, **"Can't you see that I outclass you? You haven't even injured me yet."** Zeke said, he summoned a column of magma from the floor and hardened it, the rock took the blast and shattered. **"Huh?"** Zeke wondered, diving out of the path of the roar, _"Zeke! You can't sustain Dragon Force for long! Remember!?"_ Zeya shouted, "Oh… shit… you're right…" Zeke mumbled as his awesome power diminished a bit, his eye dulling and losing its slit. "What's this? Is your power failing you?" Laxus asked mockingly, "Go fuck yourself." Zeke said, he rushed forward and gathered magma in his hands, "Bring it!" Laxus yelled, gathering lightning in his hands. _**"Magma Dragon's Secret Art, Earth's Ire…"**_ Zeke started, front flipping over Laxus' lightning punch and gripping his right wrist, aiming a ball of magma at Laxus' head from above. _**"Furious Lava Geyser!"**_ Zeke yelled, he unleashed a massive beam of superheated white magma from his hand, it engulfed Laxus and he screamed in pain as it burned him, destroying the area around him as well…

Zeke landed behind Laxus as his spell finished, falling to one knee, "Did I get him…?" he wondered, breathing hard as he turned around, only to be met with Laxus' charred fist, sending him into the pillar next to him and crushing his skull, killing him. "YOU BASTARD!" Laxus screamed, throwing multiple lightning infused punches at Zeke's lifeless body, damaging and breaking it more and more, eventually punching his body through the destroyed pillar. "Shit… he's fucking dead!" Gajeel exclaimed, watching Zeke's body fall, "It's not the first time Laxus has killed him…" Natsu said, remembering when Zeke first traded blows with Laxus. "He'll live though, right?" Gajeel asked as Laxus turned towards them, "Yeah, he will… I think." Natsu said, they stood and faced Laxus, "I'm getting tired of you weaklings! It's time I end this!" Laxus yelled, he summoned a large amount of light and started condensing it into a ball in his hands. "No way!" Natsu yelled, "What is that!?" Gajeel shouted, shielding his eyes from the light, "It's one of Gramps's spells! _**Fairy Law!**_ But how is Laxus casting it!?" Natsu yelled, also shielding himself from the spell. "LAXUS!" Levy shouted from the doorway to the cathedral, "Levy!?" Natsu exclaimed, "Hey, get out of here! He's gone mad!" Gajeel yelled at Levy, "Laxus! Your grandfather is dying! Please stop this and go see him!" Levy yelled, this caught Laxus' attention as he stopped charging the spell. "Really? Well, THAT'S GREAT! NOW I CAN TRULY TAKE FAIRY TAIL OVER!" Laxus screamed, _**"Fairy Law!"**_ he yelled, but before he could complete the spell, a loud gunshot went off and a bullet ripped through the top of Laxus' shoulder, he screamed in pain and stopped the spell, holding his bloody shoulder as he dropped to his knees. Zeke grunted as he slowly got up off of the ground, his body repairing itself as he holstered his revolver, "You sack of shit… you'd just throw away your last chance to see your grandfather just for the position of guild master?" Zeke asked with anger as he limped towards Laxus, "You wouldn't understand anything… you immortal fuck…" Laxus growled, standing up and facing Zeke. "I know… but one thing I do understand is that you're a piece of shit." Zeke said as his leg fixed itself, he then jumped up and spun around, bringing his right heel across Laxus' face, the blow sent him flying into the organ in the cathedral, destroying it as he impacted. "You know what I do with people like you?" Zeke asked, "What's that?" Laxus asked as he watched Zeke approach, "I used to kill them. Now I just beat the living hell out of them." Zeke answered and sent a powerful side kick into Laxus' face, the rest of the organ crumpled and shattered along with the brick wall behind it as Laxus' body went through them and into the street…

Laxus grunted in pain as he got up, "Stay down." Zeke said coldly as he jumped through the wall, kicking Laxus in the side and slamming his injured shoulder into the ground. "AHHGG!" Laxus screamed in pain and gripped his wound, he rolled to face Zeke and took another kick to the face, smashing his head into the pavement, Zeke then punted him in the side, sending him flying into a light post. "Once I'm done with you, you'll be begging for what little mercy I have…" Zeke growled, front kicking Laxus through the light post as he tried to get up, "Fuck you!" Laxus yelled as he got up and blasted lightning at Zeke who simply jumped over it and dropped a massive axe kick on Laxus' arm as he tried to block it, snapping his wrist as Zeke's heel planted itself into the top of his head, smashing him face first into the ground and cratering it. "Ugh… uhhhhh…" Laxus groaned in pain as he slowly tried to get up but screamed in pain as his wrist buckled under him, "Now stay the fuck down!" Zeke yelled, bringing up another axe kick and smashing it into the back of Laxus' head, knocking him out cold as his face was smashed further into the brick. Zeke breathed a sigh of relief as he fell over, looking up at the sky, "Zeke!" Natsu yelled, jumping through the hole that Laxus' body made in the cathedral wall. "He is one tough bastard…" Zeke sighed with a grin, Natsu grinned as well, Gajeel jumped out behind him, "Damn… I thought we'd have to start fighting again…" Gajeel muttered, "Zeke! Natsu! Gajeel!" Erza yelled inside the cathedral, "Out here!" Natsu called into the cathedral. Erza came through the hole in her very revealing, battered armor, "Oh… you defeated Laxus?" she asked, standing over Zeke, "Yeah… by the way, I can see your under-boob, nice." Zeke stated with a perverted grin. Erza blushed with an angered look and covered up her chest, "You damn pervert!" she yelled, kicking him in the face, "Ouch! I was complimenting your boobs! What's the big deal!?" Zeke asked, rubbing his broken nose as he snapped it back into place. "Well stop it!" Erza yelled, "Aw come on! That Jello dude doesn't deserve your hot bod! I however have singlehandedly defeated Sparky over here… eh? Eh!?" Zeke exclaimed, trying to push his point. "S-S-Shut up!" Erza stuttered, blushing furiously, "Jello? Aw man, now I'm hungry!" Natsu exclaimed, "You dumbass! He isn't talking about food!" Gajeel yelled, "So!? Got a problem punk!?" Natsu shouted back, butting heads with Gajeel. "Stop fighting you two!" Erza ordered, making Natsu and Gajeel throw an arm around each other, "We're not!" they exclaimed with a fake cheeriness to their voices, "Oh Erza…!" Zeke cooed, putting his arms around Erza's waist. "Zeke! Get off!" Erza yelled, trying to push Zeke off while also batting his hand away from her chest, "Pewease!?" Zeke asked in a childish voice, "No!" Erza exclaimed, a red blush on her face as she managed to slip out of his grasp, making Zeke fall on his face. "Aw… now I'm just sad…" Zeke muttered into the stone, "Stop being such a child." Erza scolded as Natsu and Gajeel glared and growled at each other behind her. "But Erza! I just want you!" Zeke whined, looking up at Erza with tears in his eye, "Zeke…" Erza sighed, blushing a bit and looking away from him, "T-Too bad!" she stuttered. "AWWWW!" Zeke whined, putting his face back into the stone as Erza broke Natsu and Gajeel up, _"You always have me…"_ Zeya said, _'Thanks Zeya… but I also want Erza… and just about every girl in this guild… Mira… Cana… Ur… heck, even Lucy…'_ Zeke responded and sighed. _"Well, you'll just have to try your best to make them yours."_ Zeya said, but Zeke just sighed again, _'They won't like some crazy albino guy who won't die and is missing an eye… hell, since I'm albino I don't even think I can have children…'_ Zeke responded and again sighed, a tear leaking into the stone. "What? So he's upset he can't have you? Why not give the poor bastard a chance?" Gajeel wondered, alerting Zeke to his conversation with Erza, Natsu was nowhere to be found. "B-Because… I… um…" Erza trailed off, unsure of how to respond, "Natsu bragged to me about how he and Zeke beat up that Jellal guy, and how you seemed to be connected to him somehow. Don't tell me that guy is the problem…" Gajeel sighed, palming his face as Erza squeaked a bit and blushed. "Zeke's dragon, I can tell that he wasn't trained by any normal Dragon King, but a Dragon Lord. Lords are different than Kings, Lords have multiple mates meaning their students will as well, students of Dragon Kings have this opportunity as well but usually don't go above two." Gajeel explained but then quickly shut up when he realized Zeke was paying attention. "I didn't know that! Is that why Hellvinard promised me all the girls I could ever want!?" Zeke exclaimed, jumping to his feet with a crazed grin. "Shit…" Gajeel muttered, "Erza… you can't deny me now…" Zeke chuckled, holding his hands up in squeezing motions, Erza quickly punched him in the face, he stopped and his arms dropped to his sides. Muffled sniffles were heard behind Erza's fist, "Ugh… I guess I can let you try…" Erza sighed, suddenly Zeke vanished from in front of her fist and appeared in front of her, "YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" he yelled, putting on a pair of sunglasses and hugging her. "YOU WON'T REGRET IT! I WILL HAVE YOU ERZA SCARLET!" Zeke yelled as he ran off into the distance, "I think I just made a huge mistake…" Erza sighed, "Or a great decision, gihihihi!" Gajeel chuckled and dodged a sword slash from Erza. "Tell no one!" Erza commanded, "I won't…" Gajeel chuckled and slowly walked away…

 _The Day of the Fantasia Parade…_

Zeke stood on top of a roof, tying his Solid Eye on, watching as the parade started, near the end was a volcano type set up as he approached it. "Zeke!" Hailey exclaimed, waving at him from his float, "Look out!" Zeke yelled, belly flopping off of the roof and slamming into his float, lying there motionless. "Zeke, get up." Ur said as she climbed onto the float, "Fine." Zeke mumbled, standing up and dusting himself off, "You're the last float, when I hit the red button, you have to shoot out of the volcano, got it?" Ur asked, pushing him up the side of the volcano. "I'm offended by this float, I'm not just some crazed magma guy." Zeke said in a really snarky voice, "No one cares Zeke, that's exactly what you are." Gray said as he walked by in his outfit. "Pft… AHAHAHA!" Zeke laughed loudly as he fell into the volcano, his laugh echoing, "GRAY LOOKS LIKE A FAGGOT!" he yelled in laughter, Gray flinched in anger but continued forward with a grumble about crazed magma dudes. "Okay Zeke, shut up." Ur sighed, she still heard giggles, "Ugh…" she groaned, making a block of ice and dropping it into the volcano, there was a crushing sound followed by a very loud "OWIE!" from inside. "You should've shut up." Ur said as she climbed off of the float, inside Zeke was melting the ice block off of himself, "Uh, Zeke, I'll be watching okay?" Hailey called from outside, "Got it! Thanks!" Zeke called back as he sat up. He remained there in thought, _'Hey Zeya…'_ he called internally, _"Yes Zeke?"_ Zeya responded, _'Uh, so, what happened with my Dragon Force the other day?'_ Zeke wondered, watching the sunlight disappear behind the clouds and slowly set. _"Well, I think the effects of the Rage Magic on you brought out some deep hatred and turned it into power, fueling your Dragon Force. You were driven by rage, that's why you were trying to kill Laxus."_ Zeya explained, slowly a glow appeared under Zeke's Solid Eye and turned into an orb, the light floated out in front of Zeke. "That's just my theory though." Zeya said from the orb, "You can manifest?" Zeke wondered, "Yes, I get a bit stronger every time you enter Dragon Force. You should be able to activate it willingly since I can leave your body, I could only activate it when you were in danger and removed the eye patch." Zeya explained, giggling a bit as she flew around Zeke. "I don't feel any weaker so… I suppose it's okay." Zeke said as he grabbed Zeya out of the air, she squeaked in surprise, "But be careful where you manifest, I don't need people knowing a Magma Spirit is living in my eye." Zeke explained sternly, poking Zeya a bit. "Fine… meanie…" Zeya whined, Zeke sighed, almost feeling her pout, "I'm just trying to be careful, I don't need you popping out and giving people heart attacks." Zeke explained, "Yeah, I get it." Zeya mumbled, slowly going back into Zeke's eye, the glow vanished as Zeke blinked. "Alright, let's get this party started." Zeke said as his float started up, the night slowly descending as he pulled out a boom box and tossed it onto the float, it started playing music.

 _Uptown Funk ft. Bruno Mars- Mark Ronson_

"I know, I have horrible taste in music."

Zeke, we don't care, just get on with it.

"Isn't that your job?"

Oh yeah…

Zeke started snapping his fingers to the beat, "Too hot, hot damn!" Zeke sang, "Don't believe me just watch!" Zeke shouted as a red light went off inside the volcano, he gathered magma beneath him and it exploded, launching him high into the air as the cracks in his suit pattern glowed brightly as he ascended. "WOOOOOOO!" he yelled, the crowd roared in awe as he came down with a crunch, he spun around and released magma, creating a circle around him and firing it into the air, causing massive explosions of light to release. "Hahaha! FUN TIME…. FIREWORK TIME!" Zeke yelled, raising his hands and unleashing streams of fiery magma from them, the shots exploded in the sky and caused fireworks that lit up the sky and could be seen for miles around. Zeke scanned the crowd as his music stopped playing and spotted Hailey and Ur waving to him, he waved back and noticed the guild pointing to the sky with their thumbs sticking out, "Huh, I don't know what it means but, whatever…" Zeke muttered and did the same.

"Do you think he knows what that means?" Ur asked, "No, he doesn't care though." Hailey answered, smiling fondly at the white haired man, "You ever wonder how he exactly classifies us?" Ur asked, pulling Hailey into a side hug and pushing the shorter girl's head into the side of her breast. "Yeah, I mean, I see him as a brother and I think he sees me in the same context." Hailey explained, trying to pull her head away from Ur's large breast, "I don't know what he thinks of me. I know what I think of him though…" Ur said, licking her lips provocatively as she watched Zeke. "Ugh… I can't believe you want my brother, he's such a dweeb." Hailey groaned with fake annoyance, making Ur snicker, "HEY! I HEARD THAT YA LITTLE SHIT!" Zeke yelled from his float, making the two girls burst out laughing. Zeke shook his head and went back to making a light show for the audience, Ur patted Hailey on the head and let her go, "You two…" a deep voice mumbled, the two girls turned to see a heavily bandaged Laxus standing behind them. "Laxus, I thought you left?" Ur wondered, "Not yet… I wanted to see the parade before I left…" he explained, watching Zeke dance around like a fool. "Aw, you aren't that bad are you?" Hailey smiled, making Laxus huff and look the other way, "Shut it little girl." Laxus grumbled, he then turned and started walking away. "Hey, you two work with that buffoon don't you?" Laxus called suddenly, "Yeah, why?" Ur wondered, "He's… not a normal one, but he's a good guy… take care of that idiot." Laxus told them and vanished into the night. "We will!" Hailey called with a wave, "Bye Laxus!" she added, through the murk of the night they caught a glimpse of him wave back with the back of his hand, "He's nice isn't he?" Hailey asked, turning back to the parade, "Yeah, he is." Ur said with a grin, watching Zeke as he drifted down the street, living up the party well into the night…

Oewfhibfughqipwfebwougfehqiwpdbeiufgohie

Bam, done. Forgive me for its lateness, I've had some time to get it done over the Holiday Break, Merry Late Christmas and Happy Hanukah if that's still going on.

See you next time on Deathtrap!

Zeke: Merry Christmas!

Me: Christmas was five days ago.

Zeke: REALLY!? FUCK YOU MAN!

Me: Sorry. Here's a gift.

Zeke: OH! WHAT IS IT!?

Me: Open it.

Zeke: OH YA-*BOOM*

Me: Ha, fuckin' idiot falls for it every time…


	13. Stacked and Jacked

Chapter 13

Stacked and Jacked

A clear, vibrant day dawned on a large house in Magnolia. The building was two stories and was almost a mansion with Gothic architecture and a similar, spiked fence around the perimeter of the expansive property. A large cherry tree in the right side of the front yard offset the dark mien of the building behind it. A balcony was directly above the tree on the upper floor of the house and overlooked the whole yard next to the arcade of pointed archways that led to the large front doors. Several towers with pointed spires were constructed on the corners of the building like a cathedral, all had wrought iron designs on them. The black roof and dark stone walls shrouded the building in an air of gloom, though the inside was quite different. Marble floors lined just about every room and huge arching hallways connected them. Worn looking wooden doors closed off rooms and the building had a center courtyard filled with beautiful plants. In the master bedroom with the balcony, a huge, Elizabethan bed sat in the center of the room with dark draperies around the bed. Dark Oak wood made up the structure and dark colored goose down pillows with a matching comforter covered the top of the soft bed. Underneath the covers, lying his head upon one of the pillows, Zeke slept until the sunlight shined through one of the several diamond paned windows in his room and hit him in the eye. H-

"Dude, I'm stacked and jacked!"

What? Don't interrupt now, asshole!

"I'm just-"

Don't start. Let's just get back to it…

Zeke blinked as the sunlight shined through, he sat up and stretched his limbs. A few cracks accompanied the stretching of his arms and back as he stood up, slipping on a pair of slippers. A form moved under the sheets on the other side of the bed as Zeke moved and got up. "Hmm…? Zeeeeeeke…" a sultry voice moaned from under the covers. Zeke grinned as he turned and locked eyes with the heavenly woman lying in his bed. "Zeke… come back to bed…" she whined, an erogenous smile and look in her eyes as she bit her lip and slid the covers off of her sizeable chest a little. "Why should I? Hmm, Ur?" Zeke asked teasingly, a sly smile on his lips. Ur giggled and rolled onto her stomach, slithering her way over to Zeke's side and slipping her fingers into the waistband of his fleece sleeping trousers. "Because I want you to!" Ur cooed, tugging lightly on his pants. Zeke's grin widened, "Oh really? Well, I'm not just going to laze around all morning…" Zeke responded, walking his hand down Ur's arm with two fingers. He leaned down and whispered to Ur as she shivered at his fingers running down her spine. "You'll have to make me." Zeke whispered, his fingers stopped just short of Ur's butt, tracing just the edge of the curve. Ur giggled and grabbed Zeke's other arm and gripped the waistband of his pants. "Fine!" Ur exclaimed and rolled over, pulling Zeke with her and making him land on the bed with her. Both laughed a bit as they rolled to the center of the bed. Zeke ended up on his hands and knees above Ur as she snaked her arms around his neck and put a leg around his waist. "I like your choice of lingerie…" Zeke mumbled, moving a finger onto Ur's shoulder and traced the strap of her bra down near her breast and stopped. "I like it… I think red suits me." Ur whispered, winking at Zeke. She wore red lingerie that left very little to be imagined. The bra was a separate unit of its own, but her dark stockings and matching panties were connected. Zeke eyed her up and down with a predatory look. "It does… but I suspect that you'll look even better without anything on…" Zeke whispered in a deep, husky tone. He tugged on Ur's bra strap and she let go of his neck to reach behind her back. Before Ur could unhook her bra, a sudden knock came at the door that was placed a good distance from the bed. The door creaked open and Hailey poked her head in. "Hey Zeke, Ur! I'm… hungry… uh…" Hailey trailed off in her sentence as she saw the position that Zeke and Ur were in. She stood dumbfounded in her pink silk pajamas and moccasins. "Oh, alright. I'll head downstairs with you." Zeke said, climbing off of the bed. "Ur dear, you may want to put a robe on before coming down." Zeke called and led Hailey out of the room, closing the door with a creaking click. "Ugh, every single time I try to have sex with him, something, or someone interrupts us!" Ur exclaimed in frustration, climbing off of the bed in her underwear and grabbing a blue robe off of the nightstand next to the bed. "Last night, he fell asleep before I could do anything. He moves us into this huge place and there isn't a single area I've been able to seduce him in…" Ur complained a bit more and eventually left the room.

"So, uh… did I interrupt something?" Hailey wondered as she walked down the hall with Zeke. "Hmm? Oh, well… I wouldn't worry about it." Zeke answered with a smile, patting Hailey's head as they descended a large, curved staircase. The marbled stairs were wide and had black iron railings, Hailey held Zeke's hand as she walked down with him. "You always hold my hand on the stairs, do they make you anxious?" Zeke asked, noticing the grip on his hand. "Yes… I keep thinking I'll slip and fall, or just fall. You're a good anchor." Hailey answered, squeezing Zeke's hand. He chuckled a bit, "Alright. Well, anytime you feel anxious, scared, or even a little down, grab ahold of my hand." Zeke told her, ruffling her hair as they reached the bottom. "Thanks Zeke… you really are a big brother." Hailey said, smiling up at the one eyed man. "I was the only kid around with Hellvinard so I really didn't get to have a little sister. I'm glad I do though." Zeke said, hugging the girl to his side as they walked down one of the massive hallways. "Good morrow Lord Zeke, Lady Hailey." A man dressed in a butler uniform in the forum hall of the house greeted Zeke and Hailey as they entered the huge room by the front door. His voice was accented with a proper, aristocratic tone. He was an older man with a thin mustache and pointed goatee, his jet black hair was slicked back and had a prominent widow's peak. He wore round spectacles on his face as well. "Morning Geoffrey, I thought I said you didn't have to stay here?" Zeke asked, stopping next to the butler. "You did milord, but I wished to stay. You did Lord Reginald and I a great deed before he passed and I now wish to serve you and your companions." Geoffrey explained with a slight smile. Zeke nodded a bit, he understood the man's conviction. Reginald Adrenal was the previous owner of the mansion Zeke now stood in. Before Reginald's death, Zeke set out to find the man's lost legacy. His son. Zeke found that Drake Adrenal, Reginald's son, was dead. A sad end to a great quest that Zeke completed in a few days after defeating Laxus during the Fantasia Festival. Reginald was quite pleased with Zeke, no one else wanted to help an old bureaucrat find his son since many believed the man had swindled them of millions of Jewels. For being the eccentric Zeke was, he was rewarded Reginald's mansion that was paid off completely. And since the city owed Reginald's family millions of Jewels for saving the government many an occasion from shutdown, Zeke had not a lick of taxes to pay. Quite the convenient setup. "Drake was not my son, but I raised the boy alongside Lord Reginald. He was as much my son as he was Lord Reginald's. So, I ask this of you Lord Zeke, will you let me pay my respects in servitude to you and your companions?" Geoffrey asked, bowing to Zeke. Hailey looked between Zeke and Geoffrey. "If that's what you feel compelled to do." Zeke answered with a fond smile. Geoffrey stood up with a smile. "Thank you, Lord Zeke. I've served a great man for a good portion of my life, now I get to serve another." Geoffrey said, bowing a bit again. When he stood, he noticed Zeke's hand sticking out to him. "Welcome to the team Geoffrey. Everyone in Team Deathtrap is his own man and her own woman. Glad to have you." Zeke said with a wide grin. Geoffrey nodded and shook Zeke's hand. "I do not require payment, Lord Zeke. I only ask that I may be able to retain my quarters in the mansion." Geoffrey stated. "Of course. Though, you're still going to receive some money. I'm putting you in charge of this place. Think you can handle that?" Zeke asked, his red eye meeting Geoffrey's dark colored ones. "Yes of course, Lord Zeke. You have my word. Now then, let my first task be to prepare breakfast. Please follow me to the dining quarters." Geoffrey said, gesturing down the adjacent hall from where Zeke and Hailey came from.

Zeke and Hailey followed Geoffrey down the hallway, Geoffrey's heels clicked on the marble tiled floor. "So… does this mean he's our butler or something?" Hailey asked, looking up at Zeke curiously. "He's our friend, and a butler. So, yeah, technically." Zeke responded, scratching his head a bit. They followed Geoffrey through the ballroom. The room was extremely expansive, taking up both floors of the mansion with balconies around the walls where the second floor would be. Tall windows separated by rounded pillars lined the walls and stretched until the balconies where other windows and pillars continued. A stage was set up with a raised dance floor in front of it. Round tables were set up all around the room with cozy chairs sitting next to them, a raised platform with a huge table marked the area where the owner would sit with his family and friends. "Wow… this is a beautiful ballroom… Mister, can you play that piano!?" Hailey exclaimed, pointing to the grand piano that sat on the stage. "I can. If you'd like Lady Hailey, I can play a song after breakfast." Geoffrey offered, looking over his shoulder at the girl who continued to hold Zeke's hand. "Yes please! I love pianos!" Hailey exclaimed, giddy with excitement. "You may also call me Geoffrey, Lady Hailey." Geoffrey said, leading the pair into a large dining room with a very long table. "Can I call you Geoff?" Hailey asked, looking around the room a bit. "Of course." Geoffrey answered, pulling a chair out for her. "Oh, thank you!" Hailey said, hopping into the chair and letting go of Zeke who sat down across from her. "You're welcome Lady Hailey," Geoffrey said as he pushed the chair in. "I've already instructed the maids to prepare a breakfast, it shall be ready momentarily." Geoffrey explained, turning to retrieve something from a near-by table. "Hold up, maids? I thought you were the only servant left here?" Zeke questioned, leaning back in his chair. "I may have told a lie, milord. Lord Reginald had instructed his entire staff to continue living and operating in the mansion in his will. Before he died, he gathered me and the others around his deathbed and told us to aid you and your companions to the best of our abilities. We felt compelled to do so because he regretted not being able to help you more himself for bringing him so much happiness and settled his unrest for his son. You seem to be unaware of how much gratitude Lord Reginald had for your deed." Geoffrey explained. Zeke stared at him in awe. "Damn old man… I told him I didn't deserve this." Zeke sighed, palming his face a bit. "Lord Reginald regarded you highly, milord. He was quite fond of his best friend." Geoffrey said, going to retrieve the tea set that he had originally set after. "Um, Zeke?" Hailey wondered, a confused look on her face as she glanced at him. "Reginald was my best friend way back. I assassinated people for him and hung out with him when no one else would. The balls he threw were all a glamor show and a way to seal assets and alliances while also pinpointing his competition. Politics are more than just two guys arguing over who should be governor." Zeke explained to Hailey, her confusion turned to shock. "You assassinated people!?" she exclaimed, taken aback by Zeke's statement. "Yeah… not the best part of my past…" Zeke sighed, closing his eye as memories flashed through his mind. Slain men, crying children, screaming wives. It all came back to him. His past, it was bloody, cursed, painful, and horrifying. With a shake of his head, Zeke pushed the memories out of his head. "Milord, your tea," Geoffrey said, setting a cup of tea on the table before Zeke. "How would you like it prepared?" Geoffrey asked, holding a plate with sugar cubes and a container of cream. "Huh? Oh, two sugars, light creamer." Zeke responded, coming out of his dark thoughts. _'Death… the word embodies me… Deathtrap isn't just a nickname…'_ he thought with a sigh. Zeke thanked Geoffrey and noticed Hailey was still eyeing him. "Zeke… is that the reason you're called Deathtrap? Because you… killed people?" Hailey questioned as Geoffrey poured her a cup of tea. Zeke stared at her before answering. It was like she read his mind. "Yeah. I was quite literally a deathtrap. If you found yourself facing me, you might as well have slit your own throat, I was that dangerous. Still am…" Zeke trailed off, raising his hand as fire appeared on it, and slowly, magma did as well. His magma, the power Hellvinard gifted him. Magma Dragon Slaying Magic. He never once used it to slay a man. To win fights, yes, but to burn or melt a man to death, no. Zeke never used his magic to kill anyone, if they were to die by his hand, he killed them with a blade or a bullet. _'Even in the direst situations I never once thought of using magic… not once.'_ He looked up from his thoughts to see Ur wandering into the room. "So this is where you two went." Ur said as she walked up to the table and sat down on Zeke's lap. She wore a robe like Zeke had suggested, a short, silk robe of a dark blue hue. Her figure was pronounced definitively under the thin cloth and Zeke could almost see her red undergarments. This sudden intrusion on his mind broke him from his past memories that he had drifted back to and brought him back to the present. The distracted look on his face vanished and was replaced with a smile. "Hey you, gimmie a smooch!" Zeke exclaimed, wrapping his arms around Ur and kissing her. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him, pulling the man flush against her. Zeke growled a bit when they parted and Ur bit his lip, pulling it and then letting go. "Gross…" Hailey muttered across the table. "Oh quiet you. You'll do the same thing with a guy when you find one." Ur said with a smirk, rubbing Zeke's face against her chest. "Lady Ur, tea?" Geoffrey asked, alerting Ur to the man's presence. "Oh, I didn't notice you! I'm sorry, what's your name?" Ur asked, tilting her head at the man. "I am Geoffrey Clydesdale. Once the head butler of House Adrenal. Now I serve House Hellvent." Geoffrey introduced with a bow whilst still holding the tea tray. "Huh…" Ur mumbled, looking to Zeke questioningly. "Long story…" Zeke sighed, waving her off and laying his head on her breast. "Okay, well… I would like some tea Geoffrey, thank you." Ur said with a quirky smile. "And how would you like your tea, Lady Ur?" Geoffrey asked, pouring the cup. "Plain is fine. Thank you. I could get used to this…" Ur mumbled, accepting the cup of tea. "Well, you will. He and the rest of Reggie's staff are here to stay." Zeke said with a grin, pointing to a nearby doorway. Through the doorway came a line of women in maid outfits, they surrounded the table and set it with expensive, fine china. Next came an extremely wide assortment of breakfast foods, including some the three never would have thought of having for breakfast. Everything from eggs of all varieties to tenderloin steak was placed on the table. "Enjoy, milord!" the maids exclaimed with smiles. "Damn. I am impressed. Certainly there will be some we can't eat. I want all of you to eat as well, either here or somewhere else. No objections, you're included as well Geoffrey." Zeke stated, the maids looked at him in shock. "Uh, we don't eat with the lord…" one of the maids started, she was cut off when Zeke banged a fist on the table. "I don't care. To blazes with the rules of aristocracy!" Zeke announced with a sparkle in his eye. The maids looked between each other with confusion. "It is the will of Sir Zeke, therefor it must be carried out. Go eat if you have not, ladies. You are dismissed." Geoffrey said, waving the maids off. They nodded feverishly and scurried out of the room, though a few stayed. "These older women usually eat before the lord wakes so that they may serve his needs during breakfast. Please allow them to conduct their work, milord." Geoffrey requested with a respectful bow. "Alright. I just don't want people doing things for us while pushing off their own needs." Zeke said with a stern tone. "Lord Reginald was the same way." Geoffrey stated with a fond smile. "You know, I hated it when he made me attend those balls… a creepy looking teenager missing an eye isn't something his guests appreciated." Zeke complained, amassing food on his plate. "You mean you were my age? How old are you?" Hailey asked, tilting her head so she could see around Zeke's food mountain. "I'm twenty four, how old did you think I was?" Zeke asked, doing the same so he could see Hailey. "Well, the narrator said you looked seventeen in the first chapter." Hailey said, making Zeke shake his head. "He's an idiot. I'm way older than that! Oh, also, fourth wall breaking comments are my thing, kid." Zeke told her and dug into his food like a stupid pig. "Okay, author. Calling me a pig is uncalled for." Zeke called, looking to the sky as if to find something. The buffoon, try as he may, found that whoever he was talking to did not care. "Alright, fine, be that way, asshole."

Do you want to fucking die? I will end this shit right now.

"Whoa, calm down. I'm sorry, alright?"

No, no it's not alright, you need to stop this.

"Well… I can't really stop my innate powers of fourth wall breaking."

Ugh, fine. Last time.

As Zeke ate his fill, he would bring his fork up to Ur and give her a bite every so often of his food even though she had her own. Ur did the same, but with her hand. She insisted on sliding her finger into Zeke's mouth as well, making him suck on it before she pulled it out. "You two are gross…" Hailey complained as she went to sip her tea. "Lady Hailey, if I may?" Geoffrey asked, holding a folded sheet of metal as he approached Hailey's chair. "Um, okay." Hailey said with a quirked eyebrow. Geoffrey unfolded the metal and placed it like a divider on the table, cutting off her view of Zeke and Ur. "Oh that's great!" Hailey exclaimed. The side that faced her had a mirror on it and she continued to eat happily. "Ha-ha! Noice." Zeke chuckled. He found the barrier amusing, obviously, and it was pointless to him. The girl would eventually be somewhat like the woman who sat in his lap. Somewhat. "Is that really necessary, Hailey?" Ur asked with a slight sigh. Shaking her head as Hailey replied from behind her barrier. "Yes. It is." Ur sighed again, but smiled nonetheless as she turned back toward Zeke. "So, what's the plan for today?" Ur wondered, she purposefully leaned her chest against Zeke's face. She made sure that he knew that she wanted him. "Nothing. Hopefully nothing. I just feel like taking a blissful day off." Zeke explained with a satisfied sigh. He rubbed his stomach and enjoyed the feeling of Ur's breast on his face. "Sounds good to me. I've got a good idea though…" Ur trailed off with a smirk. Zeke knew that smirk. Ur gave him that smirk when she wanted some alone time with him. Though they didn't really have it before now since Hailey was always near-by and they were busy on jobs. Zeke didn't even bother to say anything. His sensitive nose picked up the scent of Ur's arousal and he was immediately sliding an arm under her legs. "Please excuse us to our chambers for a while…" Zeke said with an unsettling smile. Hailey rose an eyebrow at him as he easily lifted Ur up as he stood. Geoffrey, however, did not cock a curious eyebrow at the pair. He only nodded with a slight smirk. The smirk of Men. The smirk a man gave another when he knew that the other was going to bed his woman. Or when he was going to go do something incredibly stupid. Depending on how one viewed the situation, the smirk could mean either of the two definitions. With an inhuman growl, Zeke darted out of the room with profound speed.

Ur laughed as Zeke tossed her on the bed and climbed on top. He loomed over her with a predatory gleam in his eye. An animalistic growl rumbled from his throat as he slowly pulled the tie of Ur's robe apart. She stared into his piercing red eye, the other was closed. The scar on it was jagged and dark, but between the lids Ur could see a bit of orange light glowing out of it. It was then she noticed Zeke's normal eye glowing a bit as well, turning an odd shade of blue-green. "Huh… that's odd." Ur said suddenly, studying the color change in Zeke's eye. "It's my inner dragon… some Dragon Slayer's eyes change colors when mating instincts are engaged, indicating the heat they've now entered. An almost… trancelike state overcomes the Slayer as they focus on their mating partner. They become slightly violent if the mating partner is as defiant as real dragons are." Zeke's voice explained. It didn't sound like Zeke though, his tone was a mere grating growl. It sounded as if Zeke was reading from a book. "Zeke…?" Ur reached out a tentative hand and cupped Zeke's face as he pulled her robe off. "Huh? Oh." Zeke blinked a bit, his eye was still changed as he reached up and covered Ur's hand with his own. "Sorry, I was entranced by your beauty…" Zeke mumbled, pulling Ur's hand away and kissing it. Ur giggled a bit as she was distracted by Zeke's loving gestures. "Wait just a second. You were just explaining Dragon Slayer mating to me a moment ago. Remember?" Ur asked, placing her other hand on Zeke's bare torso. "Uh… no? I don't remember anything after I told you that it's my inner dragon when you noticed my behavior change." Zeke explained, cocking his head in confusion. "No, I noticed the change in your eye color." Ur said, pointing to his right eye. Zeke blinked at her, or did he wink?

"Dammit DPG, this is not the time for this!"

What? The blink or wink question? IT NEEDS ANSWERED!

"This isn't the time for memes! It's for explaining more about my mysterious magic power!"

Oh, shut up. Anyway, call me by my name you douche.

"What? Oh, you mean Wolfgang Yharnum? You took that random name and added the name of fictitious city on the end! Why not call you by your real name? Right, -?"

SHUT UP! BACK TO IT!

Zeke slowly sat up and reached for a hand mirror on Ur's side of the bed. He brought it up to his face and nearly dropped it when he noticed the color change of his eye. "This is the color of the _**Gods Magma**_ …" Zeke mumbled. He stared into the mirror and opened his other eye, searching the crystal eye for anything. There was a darker colored, vertical slit in the eye that he was able to see out of. _'I can see… this is…'_ Ur cut his thoughts short. "Gods? Zeke… what are you going on about?" Ur wondered. She put a gentle hand on Zeke's wrist and lowered the lamp, noticing the color of Zeke's crystal eye had changed as well. "This is… odd. Hellvinard mentioned that _**Gods Magma**_ had the ability to manipulate the very earth itself… but I've never really been able to use it." Zeke mumbled, staring into Ur's eyes. She stared back, intrigued. "Do you really have that kind of power?" she asked, running her hand up to cup his cheek. "I have no idea. I can't remember the rules of using it." Zeke answered. His face scrunched into confusion. "Dammit." Zeke grumbled and laid down next to Ur. She rolled onto her side and wrapped herself around Zeke. He held her close and breathed in the scent of her hair. It smelled like roses. _'Hellvinard… Hellvinard… you big scaly bastard… why did you flick me into so many damn trees?'_ He sighed and nuzzled the crook of Ur's neck, unable to conjure an explanation. "Well, do you suppose we could worry about it later and get on with the fun stuff?" Ur asked with a hopeful expression. She deflated a bit when Zeke sighed. "I'm sorry Ur… I don't know what's happening with me. I'd rather know what is going on rather than jeopardize our relationship if something terrible were to happen. Understand?" Zeke asked. He stared into her eyes, her dark, wonderful eyes of mischievous lust and everlasting trust. Ur nodded. "You're afraid of your own power," she noted, running a hand through his hair. Zeke nodded, albeit shamefully. "I am. I have every reason to be… I've killed before, I can do it again. Even if it is an accident. I don't want anyone to be dead as a result of my magic." Zeke stated. It seemed silly to him. He had control of his power, what was there to worry about? _'The unknown… what parts of my power did Hellvinard tell me about that I forgot… Zeya!'_ Zeke called out to the spirit residing in his crystalline eye. _"Yes, Zeke?" 'Tell me, do you know what's going on? What is my Gods Magma?'_ Zeke awaited a response from the spirit. She was silent, a quiet pulsing came from Zeke's eye every time she awoke. _"Gods Magma is as the name implies. It is the very core power of the earth that the Gods bestowed. When a Dragon of Magma truly awakens, it gains access to the Gods Magma. In your case, Zeke, Gods Magma is yours to wield. You are a descendent, through magic, of the God of Magma. Technically."_ Zeya explained. She sighed a bit before continuing. _"Maximus Cyprus is the Champion and Magic Descendent of Cyprus, the Sun God. You are the Magic Descendent of Hellions, God of Magma and Tectonics."_ Zeya said. The mention of Maximus sparked Zeke's mind. _'Maximus? His worthless God is actually the source of his power?'_ Zeke thought with wonder. _"Yes. But on Earth-Land, Hellions outranks Cyprus because Hellion's Champion has the power to destroy whole continents. You have not truly awakened yet, Zeke. You must find out how to awaken your powers. Maximus was handed his full power, as he can access it through Nova. You are slightly different Zeke. In a good way."_ Zeya's voice died out as she went back into slumber with a yawn. Zeke laid in his bed, stunned from his inside conversation. _'This… mating… it must unlock power, somehow…'_ Zeke thought in amazement. He opened his eyes. He saw Ur slowly tracing the features of his face with her fingers. He did not speak. "Hey. I thought you fell asleep." Ur whispered in a quiet, motherly tone. "I will if you keep doing that…" Zeke purred, automatically relaxing at her touch. Ur giggled softly and continued to lightly trace his features. Zeke's eyes fluttered closed when she ran her delicate finger down his nose. She moved her other hand from his hair and started to lightly run a finger up and down his spine. Zeke shivered a little and his back arched into Ur. He rolled over and laid face down. Ur straddled his hips and slowly traced delicate lines on his back, making him shiver and groan softly. "You're so cute when you're relaxed…" Ur whispered, laying down on Zeke's back and softly tickling his sides. He jerked a bit when she ran across certain areas of his sides. "I remember what Hellvinard taught me." Zeke said with a quiet tone. "And? What's the verdict? Can we do it?" Ur asked. She kissed the back of Zeke's neck, making him shiver. "Yes. We should be fine. Is that all you care about?" Zeke asked with a slight laugh. Ur flicked his ear with her tongue. "Is that a bad thing?" she asked. Zeke heard the slight sound of her bra being unclipped and quickly rolled underneath her. She blinked as he was now suddenly facing her, his hands stuck in a mid-squeezing motion. Ur smiled as her bra slowly slipped off of her chest. Zeke was about to rip her bra off when a knock came at their door. "FUCK A DUCK IN THE ASS! WHAT!?" Zeke yelled. He was quite annoyed that they were interrupted. Ur growled. She had been foiled twice in one day. She was _not_ happy. "Lord Zeke, I am quite sorry for bothering you. But, an Erza Scarlet is here to see you. She says she has urgent business to discuss." Geoffrey's voice sounded from outside the door. "Ah shit… alright. Take her to the sitting room and give her a drink, please. I'll be down in a few minutes." Zeke called. He slid out from under Ur and went over to the closet where his suit hung. "Zeke, honey…" Ur called sensually. Zeke perked up and slowly turned his head. Ur was sprawled out on the bed, her bra nearly off and her behind was propped up for him to behold. "Come back soon…" Ur said with a devious smile. Zeke nodded dumbly, thunderstruck with her slightly innocent and extremely lewd position. _'Oh I'm going to rail her harder than a freight train hitting a solid hunk of steel at three hundred miles an hour.'_ Zeke quickly dressed himself and bolted out of the bedroom. He was driven by the thought of 'railing' Ur, really, really, really damn hard.

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Done. You're welcome, I suppose. Thanks for sticking with me. As you may notice, I am now Wolfgang Yharnum. You may address me as such if you so choose. But I will always be the Dark God of Pigs.

See you next time on, Deathtrap!

"So, I do get to fuck Ur."

Yes, you do. One character banging her isn't enough. Two's a party. Three's a crowd. As the saying goes.

"Who else gets her? HUH!?" *Furiously enraged*

Calm down. Just roll with it. They are alternate timelines of the same characters in this slightly altered world.

"Fine. Asshole."

Fuck you too.


	14. Nirvana, the Band?

Chapter 14

Nirvana, the Band?

Zeke grumbled in annoyance as he fumbled with his gun belt and holster. His revolver nearly fell out as he adjusted the belt and he had to catch it.

"Shit! Ah…" Zeke sighed as he slid the revolver back into its holster. He looked up and noticed he was in the sitting room. Erza was on the couch facing the front window, sipping her tea. Geoffrey stood in the doorway with a tray.

"Thanks Geoffrey. Hey Erza." Zeke said as he took a teacup off of the tray and nodded to Geoffrey. Erza looked up at him as he approached and took a sip of his tea.

"Mm, good tea…" Zeke mumbled. He sat down on the couch across from Erza and propped his leg up on the other.

"When did you move into this… mansion?" Erza asked, eyeing Zeke questioningly.

"Yesterday." Zeke answered simply. Erza blinked at him and then shook her head.

"Anyway, I have a request for you from Master Makarov." Erza stated. She set her tea on the table between them and sat poised.

"Oooo! A personal request! We goin' to the strip club!?" Zeke asked excitedly. Erza glared at him. It didn't do much to Zeke.

"No… There is a powerful dark guild by the name of Oración Seis that is preparing something big. We're not sure what, but we know it cannot be good. Master requests your help in stopping them." Erza explained. She jumped when the teacup in Zeke's hand shattered in his grip.

"Oración Seis? Their leader is Brain, no?" Zeke questioned with a cold, venomous tone. His chilling words made Erza shiver and she cowered a bit under his intense gaze. A terribly warm draft was coming from the air around him.

"I believe so…" Erza mumbled meekly. Zeke stood up and gripped the handle on his revolver.

"Count me in. When are we leaving?" Zeke asked. He started to pace back and forth a bit, his hand resting on his revolver.

"We planned to leave today, as soon as possible. We're meeting with three other guilds to help stop them," Erza said. "But Master requested that I retrieve you for this reason: "Because he will be unstoppable" as Master put it."

Zeke nodded to her and gestured to Geoffrey.

"Geoffrey, please see Erza out. Erza, I'll meet you at the guildhall." Zeke said quickly. He gave Erza a half wave and left the sitting room, quickly ascending the staircase. Erza blinked a bit as Geoffrey walked over.

"This way please, Miss Scarlet."

* * *

Zeke burst into his bedroom and swiftly walked over to his closet. Ur was still lying on the bed and sat up to watch him as he rummaged through the huge closet.

"Zeke? What's wrong?" Ur asked, fixing her bra and getting off of the bed. Zeke walked back out of the closet and stopped when he saw her.

 _Damn… I forgot…_ Zeke thought with a sigh. Ur approached and gently wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Makarov needs me for a special mission… Brain and his Oración Seis are on the move." Zeke said. He stared into Ur's eyes and watched the realization dawn on her.

"Oh… I see. Be careful then, I'll take care of Hailey and the house while you're gone." Ur said reassuringly. She kissed him softly and he returned it. They stayed together for a moment as Zeke wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her flush against him.

"I'll make sure I come back. I usually do anyway." Zeke said with a grin. Ur giggled a bit and he kissed her again before heading back into the closet.

"What are you looking for?" Ur asked. Zeke stuck his head through the doorway.

"My belt." He said. Ur turned and picked up the belt from the floor by the bed. She held it up to him and he sighed.

"Dammit… I knew I didn't just misplace it. I hung it up on the canopy…" Zeke sighed as he took the belt from Ur and put it on.

"Thanks. I'll see you soon. A day or two is all I'll need to annihilate them." Zeke said as he jogged out the door.

"Don't take too long! I'll be waiting!" Ur called through the door. Zeke winked at her as he leaped onto the railing and slid down the staircase.

* * *

"Zeke? Where are you going?" Hailey wondered as Zeke rolled to a stop by the front door after sliding off of the staircase railing.

"Makarov needs me for a special mission. Geoffrey can explain it to you. Listen to Ur and take care, okay? I'll be back soon." Zeke said as he kneeled in front of Hailey.

"Okay… don't be too long. I like having my big brother around." Hailey said with a smile. Zeke grinned and hugged her.

"I'll go as fast as I can," Zeke said as he released her. He stood up and Geoffrey opened the door. "Take care of them, will you?" Zeke asked as he stopped next to the butler.

"Of course, Lord Zeke. I will care for your companions as if you were still here. Take care, Lord Zeke." Geoffrey said with a small smile. Zeke nodded and tied his bandana onto his forehead.

"Iwill." Zeke said and sprinted out the door.

* * *

"Are we ready?" Erza asked as she entered the guildhall. Natsu, Happy, Gray, and Lucy were assembled by the doors, ready to trek to the Blue Pegasus outpost. Makarov stood near-by with a solemn look.

"Please, be careful my children." Makarov requested. Erza nodded to him.

"Of course, Master." _Where is Zeke…?_ She turned to the doors and blinked in surprise as they were slammed open. The tassels of a bandana blew in the breeze and the light shadowed the man in doorway. A small red dot glowed where their left eye was.

"Let's go."

* * *

Zeke looked over the group assembled before him. He noticed Makarov giving him a serious look.

"Let's go." Zeke said simply. He nodded to Makarov and then turned to leave.

 _No killing… and protect the others. I got it, old man…_ Zeke thought as he walked out into the morning light. Erza and the others caught up with him as he walked at a brisk pace.

No one said a word. He figured his current disposition gave them enough of a message of why he was being so commanding. Brain needed to be taught a lesson, and if Death came for him, then that was just a bonus…

* * *

 _"Zeke…"_ Zeya's voice whispered. Zeke cracked his eyelid open and saw his opposite kneeling next to the bed he was lying on. He was in his mindscape.

"Yo." Zeke muttered as he sat up. He noticed Zeya running her hand through his hair very softly, grooming the pointy locks back.

"Your hair is always a mess, why don't you style it?" Zeya asked. She smiled and continued to play with Zeke's hair.

"Meh, I don't really care. It's just been that way for as long as I remember." Zeke explained. He stared out at the empty whiteness of his mind before turning his head toward Zeya. She had a concerned look hidden under her smile.

"What's wrong? Batman got your tongue?" Zeke asked. Zeya shook her head and then leaned into him, still slowly stroking his hair.

"No… I'm worried that Brain may have one of the Six Magics to use against you in case he anticipates you intervening." Zeya said. Zeke chuckled.

"That's probably a guarantee, knowing me. He knows that if he and his guild act out, I'm sure to come after his ass and cut it off. Actually, that's a wonderful idea…" Zeke mumbled the last of his statement. Zeya giggled a bit, but the humor didn't last long.

"Please, be careful… I was really scared last time you encountered one of the Magics, I can't stand to see you actually being injured…" Zeya mumbled. She held Zeke's arm tightly and pressed it between her breasts.

"I will. I'd miss groping you in my dreams…" Zeke said with a wry smile. Zeya blinked at him and yelped as Zeke pushed her onto the bed and hefted her breasts up in his hands.

"Zeke, you're fading." Zeya said. Zeke blinked mid-squeeze as he started to wake up.

"DAMN YOU REAL-!"

* * *

Zeke awoke on his train bench with a snort and saw the sun on its way past noon. The train was slowing down as well. Erza and the others were getting ready to exit and noticed he was awake.

"Afternoon. You seemed tired." Erza said with a halfhearted smile. Zeke appreciated the effort of lightening the situation.

"Kind of… I just needed a nap to distract me." Zeke said. He sat up and stretched a bit. The train stopped with a light jerk and they got up to exit. Zeke stepped into the light and looked around at the almost abandoned train station.

"The outpost is this way. We'll be there soon, on foot it should only be a few minutes." Erza explained as she walked out onto the road. Zeke turned and faced the woods. Did something move in the shadows?

"Guys, I'll be right back." Zeke said suddenly and darted into the woods. Erza called after him but he ignored her. He saw something move again and growled.

 _Winged, silver eyed bastard…_

* * *

Erza fumed with anger as Zeke ignored her and vanished into the woods.

"Should I track him down?" Natsu asked, sniffing the air a bit.

"No, you won't catch him if he's running full-speed. I think he goes as fast as the train does sometimes…" Erza sighed.

"But… I was relying on him to take out most of those bad guys…" Lucy whined. Happy snickered at her and she glared at him.

"Eh… he'll find his way back… hopefully not off a cliff this time…" Gray said with a visible shiver. Erza rose a brow at him but he was staring off into the distance with a horrified look on his face.

"Yeah. He can probably smell the greed coming from Lucy!" Happy said with a snicker.

"Damn cat! Money's important!" Lucy shouted. She chased the cat off of Natsu's shoulder and around the group as they started to walk. Erza shook her head at them.

 _Hurry back, Zeke… you may be the only one who's strong enough to face them…_

* * *

Zeke skidded to a stop at the edge of a clearing and finally saw them. Glowing, silver, reptilian eyes staring at him through the shadows of the canopy. The damn bastard himself.

"Why the hell did you keep running? I know your Vampire speed only lasts so long unless you start flying." Zeke said. The eyes grew a fanged smile and a dark haired man in a scaled trench coat exited the shadows into the sunlight. He put on a pair of aviators to shield his eyes.

"Eh, I felt like it." Knight Rorebeck said with a cheeky grin. Zeke glared at him and tightened his bandana.

"So, what's this little chase all about? Was I supposed to see you hovering around in the forest? Because I know you can do better than that." Zeke said as he gripped the handles on his swords.

"Settle down, hothead. I only came to let you know what the Seis are doing." Knight said. He held his hands up in surrender. Zeke eyed the pistol on his hip and the rifle on his back.

"Alright. Talk then." Zeke said, settling down and standing upright. Knight leaned against a tree in the shadows and Zeke sat down on a stone across from him

"Ever hear of Nirvana?" Knight asked.

"Yeah, great band."

"What?"

"What?"

Knight blinked a few times at Zeke. He was confused about what Zeke just said but decided to ignore it. It was _Zeke_ he was talking to. One should expect absurdity.

"Anyway, it's a giant magic weapon that can sway someone's morality if they're emotionally unstable, or if they don't have very strong ties to their morals." Knight explained.

"Ah. I see. It can also blow stuff up, right?" Zeke asked.

"Right."

"I figured." Zeke sighed. He sat silently as Knight watched him.

 _I guess my morals aren't very strong since I only recently stopped murdering people… I can't let that thing sway my path._ Zeke thought, rubbing his chin lightly.

"I know you were just slaughtering people for a good while. Try not to let it influence you. Hell, not even I'd like to have the damn thing near me." Knight said with a chuckle. Zeke nodded and stood up.

"Yeah. I get it. Well, thanks, I guess. I ought to catch up to my guild mates now, try not to bite any of them, alright Vinther?" Zeke requested. He grinned cheekily at Knight and the man growled at him.

"Ah, fuck you." Knight waved him off and walked into the clearing. A pair of black and grey dragon wings sprouted from his back.

An explosion sounded in the distance.

"Fuck! They're already fighting!? Without me!? Damn!" Zeke shouted as he turned to run towards the sound of the blast.

"Hey, want to arrive in style?" Knight called. Zeke stopped and turned around. Knight flapped one of his wings a bit and Zeke grinned.

"Damn right I want to."

* * *

Zeke scanned the ground and noticed the large pathway that a fight was happening in. He could make out his guild mates and several other people facing off against six others.

"Right here. Thanks Knight. You're not much of a bastard after all." Zeke joked as Knight dropped him with a grunt.

"Heavy fucker!" Knight called. Zeke grinned before flipping around to face the ground and pulled out an AK-47 with a drum mag.

"Fun Time…"

* * *

"GUN TIME!"

Erza looked up into the sky to see someone streaking towards the ground, headfirst. It was Zeke. He had a gun in hand too and sprayed bullets as he fell. The Oración Seis took cover a bit as the bullets smacked into the dirt in front of them.

"Zeke!?" Natsu yelled as everyone noticed the trigger-happy immortal streaking towards the dirt.

"HELL YEAH, MUTHAFUCKA! EAT LEAD!" Zeke screamed as he fell. He unloaded another spray of bullets, one clipped the blanket Midnight sat on and flipped the boy onto his side on the dirt. Somehow it didn't bend around him like every other attack did…

 _He's just using some kind of bullet that Midnight cannot deflect…_ Erza thought as the bullets kept hitting the dirt. One curved around Midnight.

 _Never mind, then… Zeke…_ Erza glanced up, Zeke was close to hitting the-

Zeke hit the dirt with a thunderous crack. Dust and rocks were kicked up everywhere, obscuring the bloody mess that was most likely Zeke at the moment.

"Hey… Brain! Can you hear me! HUH!? YOU SHITSTAIN!?" Zeke screamed from inside the dust sat up as much as she could with the suffocating pain of Cubellios' venom in her arm and saw Brain staring in shock at the now standing Zeke as he shouldered his assault rifle at them.

* * *

"Zeke Hellvent… the Deathtrap…" Brain muttered. He grinned at Zeke and pointed his staff at him.

"Don't fucking move. You think that magic will reach me before I blow your brains all over this road? If you do, then you're an idiot." Zeke said coldly. He could feel his power rising as the air heated around him.

"Ha! I'm not scared of you! I know how to defeat you!" Brain laughed.

"I don't fucking care. I'll kill you right here and now. I don't need Nirvana to damn my morality to hell." Zeke growled. The dirt and stone around him started to heat up and melt. A pool of molten material was forming at his feet in the crater his body made.

"Hmm, you've become quite the warrior. But, can you truly do that? I see that Fairy mark on your armor, what does that mean to you? Aren't you a good guy?" Brain asked mockingly.

"Damn right I am. That don't mean I can't still shoot you somewhere else. How do you like lead? Is it tasty?" Zeke asked. He knew he was in a standoff with this man. Everyone around him was down or under cover, like that blue haired girl to his left who kept eyeing him. He knew Brain could see the girl too. Zeke had interrupted him with his gunfire when Brain seemed to notice the girl.

"You want the girl, don't you?" Zeke asked. His magic spiked. All he saw in that girl when he looked at her was a girl just like Hailey. Small and vulnerable, but Brain wanted her for some reason. That wasn't going to happen.

"How'd you know? I might just want a hostage." Brain said with a chilling grin. His coldness was matched by Zeke's.

"Because, you're a waste of air and space. I've known worthless piles of wasted humanity like yourself before. They never lived past our meeting…" Zeke growled. Brain visibly flinched at Zeke's blunt brutality. Good.

"Well, I know which one of us will not live past today. Sadly, that will be you. Now, if you'd just set the rifle down and lay down and die, we'll take the girl and spare your lives." Brain said. Zeke growled. He didn't have much choice.

 _If I fire, that kid on the blanket will reflect it with whatever weird-ass magic he's got going on. But I am fast enough to cut off a couple limbs before Brain can so much as blink…_ Zeke thought. He watched Brain smile as the rifle dropped to the ground.

"Now then-AH!" Brain screamed mid-speech as Zeke whipped his swords out and shot forward with a sonic boom. He got ready to slice his staff arm off when a pointy-nosed idiot in a white suit appeared in front of Brain and tried to kick Zeke. Zeke ducked the kick and tried to slash the speedy guy in half but he wasn't there anymore.

 _Speed augmenting magic!?_ Zeke thought as he jumped out of the man's range with a backflip. He noticed the smug grin on Brain's face and sheathed his swords.

"Is Sonic over there with you idiots!? _**Magma Dragon's Secret Art..."**_ Zeke started gathering magma in his hands and slammed his palms on the ground.

"Oh shit." Brain gulped.

 _ **"Earth's Ire: Pillars of Gaia!"**_ Zeke shouted. Magma pillars shot out from the ground around the Seis and started to move closer to them in a wall. They hardened and caved in, crushing the Seis underneath.

"It didn't work." Zeke growled as he noticed the rubble move a bit.

 _It was that Aladdin motherfucker, wasn't it?_ Zeke growled as the rubble exploded with a dusty Oración Seis underneath.

"Impressive. You couldn't use Secret Arts before, could you?" Brain asked as he readied a spell on his staff.

"I wouldn't know, since I try to block out most of the bullshit you fed me in that laboratory." Zeke growled. He eyed them as Brain pointed his staff towards the little girl.

"Now come with me, Sky Maiden!" Brain shouted. The green hand shot from the staff and Zeke teleported in front of it.

 _ **"Magma Dragon's Roar!"**_ Zeke sprayed a stream of magma at the spell and countered it. The Roar broke through the spell and shot towards Brain. It curved and slammed into the ground as Zeke stopped his propulsion. He ducked under a kick from Speedy and uppercutted the man in the crotch.

"Racer! Damn you, Zeke!" Brain shouted as Racer fell to the ground in a heap.

"I'm not one to pull a nut-punch. You shouldn't send someone who's as slow as this asshole at me." Zeke said as he kicked Race in the face. The man growled and rolled away from Zeke before appearing at Brain's side.

 _Wait…_ Zeke thought as he glanced at the Seis. One was miss-

Zeke spun on his heel and threw a hook at a man behind him. The man easily ducked the blow and decked Zeke in the stomach with a red-magic infused punch. Zeke felt the magic enter his body like a poison, and it was immediately eradicated.

"Nice try, Poison Boy." Zeke said with a grin and tried to slam his elbow into the man's back. He jumped back before the blow hit and Zeke spun on the ball of his foot to roundhouse kick a giant flying snake out of the air.

 _That snake felt… wrong…_ Zeke thought as he landed on the ground again. The man- apparently named Cobra as Brain was shouting it- glared and growled at Zeke.

"Huh, you're a fake Dragon Slayer too." Zeke commented at he saw the man's magic.

"Fake!? Ha! I'm a hundred times better than you and Natsu! I'm a Second Generation Dragon Slayer, a superior one! I have a Dragon Lacrima implanted in me that allows for my power." Cobra explained.

"Yeah, I knew a guy with that too. I kicked his ass cause I have a Dragon Lacrima and I was taught Dragon Slaying magic by a Dragon." Zeke explained and simultaneously kicked the man in the face when he froze in shock.

"Dammit! I am ending this!" Brain shouted as he gathered a large amount of magic on his staff.

"Oh hell no!" Zeke yelled as he sprinted towards Brain. He felt the Aladdin motherfucker's magic act on his suit and grinned. His suit bent with the magic and the boy opened his eyes and stared in shock at Zeke as he continued running.

"Eat shit and die hard, bitch!" Zeke shouted as he jumped up and started spinning in midair. He was about to drop the spinning heel-kick on Brain's head when the man's magic exploded outwards. A tendril grabbed the little girl and a huge spray of it leaped into the air. The blast sent Zeke flying into a tree and ripped both him and the tree in half. His vision went black as he died.

.

.

.

 **Goddammit. Now Zeke's dead, too. Well, I hope you enjoyed it and the stupid jokes I tried to integrate.**

 **See you next time on, Deathtrap!**


	15. Mom's Spaghetti

Chapter 15

Mom's Spaghetti

Zeke's vision came back online after what seemed like forever. Dying was never really cool or exciting, just a really horrifying and weird nap. His hearing came back as his body slowly pulled itself back together. It just so happened that he landed next to his other half when he split on the tree. A vivid image in his mind as he saw the tree go by but felt his legs rip off. It was absolutely terrible, but Zeke didn't mind. That happened more often than not, but he usually didn't die right away.

"Ugh… fuck me…" Zeke groaned as he rolled over so his body could properly fix itself. His regenerative speed was severely weakened by Brain's magic. It may take some time before he could be ready to fight again.

"Hellvent! Are you alright?" a guy asked as he rushed over to Zeke's side. Zeke looked up at the man with a curious expression.

"Who the fuck are you?" Zeke asked. The boy chuckled and lowered a hand to Zeke.

"I'm Hibiki Lates of Blue Pegasus. I'm pretty honored to meet you Mister Hellvent. You're legendary as the mercenary Deathtrap." Hibiki said as Zeke shook his hand. His body reformed itself, allowing him to stand properly. His other senses returned as well, making his coordination return.

"Yeah… that was before I became a Fairy Tail member. I guess I'm still 'Deathtrap' in a sense, but he was a murderer. I'm Zeke, a happy go lucky village idiot." Zeke said as he stood up and cracked his knuckles. He stretched his shoulders and glanced around, noticing the yellow monitor and Erza lying helplessly on the ground. Her arm was badly poisoned.

"Shit. Looks like that fake Dragon Slayer got her real bad. Also, what the fuck is that?" Zeke asked, walking over to the monitor. Hibiki rushed over to the monitor.

"This is my _**Archive**_ magic. It lets me use magic to communicate, track, and coordinate with other wizards. I'm tracking everyone right now as they pursue the Oración Seis." Hibiki explained. Zeke inspected the device before turning his attention to Erza.

"I can heal her…" Zeke muttered as he kneeled down next to Erza. She seemed to be unconscious as she writhed in pain. Zeke leaned down next to her ear.

"WAKE THE FUCK UP!" Zeke shouted into Erza's ear. She yelped and woke up, staring at Zeke with fury and fear.

"Z-Zeke!? Ah…" Erza winced and held her arm. Zeke summoned his bluish-green magma and held it up next to Erza.

"Erza, this is my _**Gods Magma.**_ It's a type of magma used by the God of Magma and Tectonics, Hellions. I think I'm his champion, making me a God Slayer, I think." Zeke explained with a thoughtful expression. Erza stared at him in shock.

"What? What does that mean?" Erza wondered. Zeke shrugged.

"Dunno. I think Maximus Cyprus is a Dragon Slayer and God Slayer combo like me. I know Adam Phoenix is going to be a Dragon Slayer and Demon Slayer combo. Knight's just a bitch and I think that kid Xavier is a Dragon." Zeke said absentmindedly. Erza continued to stare at him with a mix of shock and confusion.

"So… can you use God Slaying magic?" Erza wondered. Hibiki stared at Zeke with wonder and confusion as well.

"Dunno. Anyway, this magma can heal your wound, but you owe me something in return." Zeke said with a straight face. Erza blinked at him and then glared at him.

"Really!? Why!? Why can't you just be nice…?" Erza trailed off as her wound seared and she writhed in pain. Zeke quickly slapped his magma on the wound and the poison vanished. Erza blinked as she stopped writhing and looked down at her arm.

"There. Now, since you were kind enough to offer me a chance to date you, now you owe me a kiss at the end of the date. Got it?" Zeke said as he stood up and cracked his back. Erza stared at him, shocked. She was stunned in place. Zeke grinned at her and turned towards where he could hear the sounds of battle.

"Now then, I'm going to go cut Brain's dick off. GOTTA GO FAST!" Zeke yelled, bolting down the trail. He left a dumbstruck Erza and a slightly awed and jealous Hibiki.

"He got a date with you, but not me?"

"Shut up."

* * *

Zeke dove off the cliff at the end of the road and whipped out his swords. He landed with a thunderous crack as his regenerative abilities… regenerated and he could land properly without breaking anything. His Solid Eye glowed through the dust as he looked up and glared at the multitude of Dark Guild members employed by the Seis.

"Hello. My name is Zeke, but you might know me as Deathtrap." Zeke said with a wicked grin as his name spread fear through the Dark Guild ranks. Zeke charged them and started swinging his blades through their ranks, cutting them down at random and dodging attacks thrown his way. He leaped over them and continued on his path, following his nose.

 _I smell you bastards like a dog smells shit. But I'm not a dog, I'm a fucking Dragon God Slayer, motherfucker._ Zeke thought as he weaved through the woods, slashing through any Dark Guild members he came across. He heated himself and burned through a huge tree into a clearing where he leaped over a sprinting Racer. The man skidded to a stop and eyed Zeke as he landed.

"Wassup, bitch? What's wrong? Someone punch you in the balls?" Zeke asked with a grin as Racer growled at him. He glanced to the side and saw Gray running onto the scene with Lyon, the man from Galuna Island.

"Zeke? I thought you… oh, right. My bad." Gray said as he slowed next to Zeke. Lyon stood a good distance away from Zeke, though.

"Um, wasn't he dead?" Lyon asked with a terrified expression. Gray nodded.

"Yeah, he comes back though." Gray said. Lyon was still unconvinced and took a step back when Zeke smiled at him. Gray sighed and grabbed Zeke's revolver and shot him in the face. Lyon screamed in horror as Zeke's face blew apart. Zeke glared at Gray with what was left of his eye as he sheathed his swords and took the revolver back. He reloaded the expended round and holstered the weapon. His face repaired itself all the while, giving Lyon even more of a shock. Racer was even a little disgusted and surprised.

"Ta-da. Fuck you, Gray. You know that hurts, right? Not just physically, but you hurt me emotionally. I thought you were my friend who would never hurt me, but here you go, shooting me with my own gun." Zeke said with a façade of being upset. He held a hand over his heart and put his hand on Gray's shoulder.

"I loved you, Gray… But now, I can't. I just can't…" Zeke sighed as he wiped a tear from his eye. Gray knocked his hand off.

"Quit, you weirdo!" Gray yelled, glaring at Zeke as Lyon and Racer watched on with confusion. Zeke chuckled and started walking away.

"I'm sure you two ice skaters can handle this. You know, I bet you guys are really gay, like Victor and Yuri kind of gay." Zeke said, walking backwards with a wink and finger guns directed at the ice wizards. They glared at him and were about to respond when he interrupted them.

"I'M GONNA BANG YOUR MASTER, TOO! HAVE FUN, FAGGOTS!" Zeke yelled, sprinting into the forest again.

"FUCK YOU, ZEKE!" Gray yelled after him.

"UR IS GONNA FUCK ME! SO THAT'S COVERED ALREADY! THANKS THOUGH!" Zeke laughed from the flaming trail he was leaving with his superheated body. He heard another yell as he ran deeper into the forest and chuckled to himself.

 _You can handle him, Gray. I know you can… but I seriously think he's gay for Lyon. Seems legit._ Zeke thought as he vanished into the beyond.

* * *

Zeke came to a skidding halt as he discovered a waterfall-ridden cove at the edge of the forest. He scanned the area and set his Solid Eye to a zoom function. He noticed a cavern near the edge of the marsh in the center of the cove and grinned.

"So easy to find… are you retarded Brain? Did you think you stopped me?" Zeke wondered as he set his Solid Eye back to normal and stuck his hand in his belt. He stopped when he heard a scratching noise on the tree behind him. He ducked and rolled to the side, turning to face his foe as he pulled his revolver from its holster and cocked the hammer back. At the other end of Zeke's firearm was a shadowy woman from the look of her outline. A long, pale, thicc, and sexy leg extended into the sunlight. Zeke pinched his nose as the woman stepped into the light.

"Hi Zeke… remember me?" the woman asked in a seductive tone of voice. She was a very beautiful woman with an extremely voluptuous figure. She had long, silvery hair extending towards the ground. She winked at Zeke with her deep purple eyes and her thin black dress blew in the breeze. Her dress had an extremely deep V shape in it, exposing her enormous cleavage and most of her toned stomach. The dress also split on either side, showing off most of her milky white thighs. This woman was quite the sight for Zeke to behold, but he knew better than to give in and stick it in.

"Luna… did the Seis hire you to try and fight me? Don't you remember what Maximus did to your hot, juicy ass when you attacked him? His _**Solar Dragon Slaying Magic**_ is nothing compared to my magma." Zeke said, taking his time to admire the extremely sexualized and seductive woman before him.

"Oh, I remember. But I have a not-so-secret weapon I can use on you. It didn't work on stingy old Maximus… but you… you just love a gorgeous woman, don't you?" Luna asked as she slid her hand under her dress's V and lifted it slightly. Zeke's eye widened and he managed to glare at her face and ignore her as she pulled her dress to the sides, exposing her breasts to the wind. Uncontained, her breasts were starting to draw him in.

 _SHIT! TITS! GODDAMN ME AND MY LOVE FOR TITS! AHHHHHHHHHHH!_ Zeke screamed in thought. His knees became weak, his palms, sweaty. Mom's spaghetti was about to be on his nonexistent sweater already.

 ** _._**

Wait, you don't have a mom.

"You know what, Wolfgang? Fuck you."

Fuck me? Fuck _ME!?_ Oh, no. Fuck you.

"Just fucking help me! YOU MADE MAX'S RIVAL TOO DAMN HOT!"

Oops… HA! FUCK YOU!

"Goddammit, Author!"

 ** _._**

Zeke growled as he tried to remain steady. He was trying his hardest to ignore the fact that Luna was licking her lips as she rolled her breasts around in her hands and made them jiggle.

"C'mon Zeke… I know you want to touch them… suck them…" Luna smiled seductively as Zeke slowly lowered his revolver, his perverted instinct kicking in. He tried to fight the urge, but she seemed to be seducing him.

 _"My tits are bigger and I'll let you play with them as much as you want if you knock this bitch out."_ Zeya's voice said suddenly from within Zeke's mind. He stopped for a moment as the Lava Spirit's breasts appeared in his mind. He looked at Luna's chest for a moment before grinning and raising his revolver again.

"I've got a bigger pair back home." Zeke said as he pulled the trigger. Luna reacted almost immediately and dodged into the woods as Zeke's gunshot hit the tree she was leaning against. He holstered his revolver and took off after her, following her obscene figure as her underwear-less butt was exposed as she ran. Zeke enjoyed the view for a moment.

 _"My ass is also bigger. You can eat my ass out if you want."_ Zeya said. Zeke nearly tripped as he perused the woman through the forest.

 _That sounds… awesome. I'm going to fuck you after I derail on Ur and cum-blast her tits. You better not be lying to me._ Zeke responded as he easily caught up with Luna and she jumped, skidding to a stop in a clearing. She quickly stuffed her breasts back into her dress as she realized Zeke was focused on another woman entirely.

 _"As long as you defeat her, you can cum inside of my ass and do anything else to me. She just pissed me off last time she beat you by using her body. I hate it. I'm rewarding you with my body, there's a difference."_ Zeya explained with a growl. Zeke grinned wildly as his resolve and dick hardened.

"Oh fuck yes."

 **.**

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 **Boom. That's it for now. I'm going to do a double upload on this because of something I'll explain later. Thanks for reading this, I really love this story.**

 **See you next time on, Deathtrap!**


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